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Endless bikinis, surfboards and a converted bus to travel around Australia in. We just found the Australian surfing version of the Von Trapp family on Booodl:
http://booodl.it/x5bp0
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“I’m already famous, I don’t need to pull people in. I don’t need to make a shock or a song or a dance about everything” – Lily Allen
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 22.05.14 ISSUE 691
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go to https://www.popbitch.com
To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com
* Katz: bring on the Sarpong
* Bear: getting up in your gryll
* Charts: Sam Smith is number one!
>> Bound 2 blab <<
Kimye have a leak
Now Kim and Kanye’s European wedding is imminent, the notorious control freaks are trying to manage press coverage even more than usual.
Wonder if Kim knows that one of the biggest whistleblowers on the Kardashians is her sister’s baby-papa, Scott Disick? Scott talks to a US magazine reporter; they then try to sell the stories to the UK, making them promise not to name Scott as the source.
Oops.
FYI: From the Disick treasure trove this week:
* E! paid for Versailles even though the wedding can’t take place there.
* It’s all Kanye’s idea – Kim just wants a “more normal” ceremony in LA.
* Kim is jealous of Khloe’s butt.
* Kim is on a 600 calorie starvation diet to fit into her wedding dress.
Chip Shop is getting married again this summer. As Max Clifford is otherwise engaged, “Celebrity Psychotherapist” Nik Speakman will be giving Katona away.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week
Is it too good to be true that the mystery auction buyer of the Humpty doll from Play School (which sold for six grand this week) was actually Elton John?
The Good Morning Britain breakfast team are being forced out on socials together by producers to help them get over their lack of on-screen chemistry.
>> So long, Sarpong <<
Paxo’s seat still to be stuffed
Ian Katz has been quick to distance himself from the announcement that June Sarpong made yesterday, saying she was joining the BBC’s popular light entertainment show, Newsnight.
Bad move, Ian. This could have been the first maverick decision under your tenure that actually paid off.
Not only could June have fronted the bits that currently make actual journalists Emily Maitlis and Kirsty Wark look visibly uncomfortable (the Cookie Monster interview; the Thriller dance) but June is a total pro with difficult subjects.
Not only has she been presenting a show on conspiracy theories with Jesse Ventura, she did great work interviewing the non-existent ghost of Michael Jackson for Sky.
http://bit.ly/1gSLu9e
Ellie Goulding likes to check into hotels under the name Snowy Clarke.
>> Soft soap <<
Corrie star alienates London
Michelle Keegan’s name is mud in showbiz circles right now. She was supposed to be a guest at the Baftas on Sunday but she cancelled on the Friday saying she was too ill. But, judging from the photos that were printed in the red-tops on Monday, she wasn’t so ill that she couldn’t accompany her numpty fiance, Mark Wright, to a club appearance in Newcastle on Saturday night.
Perhaps she’d read that Guardian piece about what a wasteland the North East was and just assumed no-one could afford a camera?
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Something great for the Bank Holiday weekend at the National Theatre. The Animals and Children Took To The Streets. Six performances only. It’s had great reviews for its mix of live music, performance, storytelling and animation. Tickets from 15GBP. Call 020 7452 3000 or:
http://www.nationaltheatre.org.uk
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>> Unbearable <<
Getting up in people’s grylls
Bear Grylls has been making no friends on the set of The Island. Whenever C4 backs are turned he’s been trying to sneak his own “Bear Grylls”-branded machetes into shot, despite his weary crew reminding him over and over about product placement rules.
A bit shit, Sherlock. We hear reports that Benedict Cumberbatch was “a right rude tosser” at the Chelsea Flower show. Benedict’s mum, however, was “lovely”.
>> Run to the Hills <<
It’s Russell to the rescue
Having a big pink hotel in the middle of Beverly Hills when you’re owned by the investment arm of a repressive autocracy that has just decided it’s fine to stone gays is perhaps not an easy thing to PR, but Dorchester Hotel Group’s approach to crisis management won’t be winning them any prizes.
At first they wanted to attack rather than defend. Something along the that their rivals, Four Seasons, have a lot of Saudi money, and the Saudis do bad things to the gays too.
They were dissuaded by their handlers from this approach. The next idea? Kinda telling porkies. Pushing the idea that the Brunei ruler makes no money out of the Dorchester. Again, perhaps not the best approach to take to the press.
They might even have been able to survive the celebrity boycott led by Ellen DeGeneres, Stephen Fry and Richard Branson but the Dorchester has just suffered the kiss of death.
Russell Crowe is backing them.
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Perfect for your kindle: the extraordinary lesbian bonkbusting novel from former TV commissioner, Jacqui Lawrence: Can you recognise the TV execs the characters are based on? Even if you can’t you’ll probably enjoy the dirty bits:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00K6JBUOA
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>> Cape fear <<
Places to avoid
Rather than look at the steady stream of pap photo stories of Z-listers on the beach in Dubai and thinking “Thank fuck the Dubai tourist board arranges all that so we don’t have any embarrassing celebrities holidaying with us” the Melia Tortuga in Cape Verde seems to be copying the strategy.
Recently in the celeb mags and mailonline we’ve seen plenty of photos of Danielle Lloyd, Lydia Bright off-of TOWIE, and Katie Price on a pink beach bed with her straying stripper, Kieran. So if you’re looking for a holiday, you now know where to avoid.
There’s a new Electoral Commission rule enforced from today: “Taking selfies in polling stations is strictly forbidden”.
>> Jimmy’ll fix it <<
Football buries head in sands
Comedy ex-footballer Jimmy Bullard agreed to enter a football tournament in aid of the stillbirth charity, Sands. He even ran a competition to win a place on his team. To enter you had to donate to his Just Giving page – which racked up 750 quid for the charity.
The event took place on Sunday, the day after the FA Cup Final. Alas, Jimmy enjoyed Saturday’s hospitality so much he didn’t manage to turn up. Although the people who paid to play with him did. Instead Twitter suggested Bullard was on something of a hair-of-the-dog pub crawl around Greenwich.
Part of the reason Jimmy was getting involved was to help launch his new agency Extra Time Management. Their website claims, “We don’t only want to fill your diary up, we want to organise it and manage it.” How reassuring!
Premier League whistleblower Rani Abraham has taken up with publicist Jonathan Hartley, known in the PR world for his “unique ‘No Fame, No Fee’ policy”.
>> Hmms <<
Apes, dildos, biscuits
Does eating cheese affect your chances of being electrocuted? No. But there could still be a correlation:
http://bit.ly/SmVmws
If Eurovision was decided on phone votes alone – the top and bottom wouldn’t have changed but Poland would have been 5th and UK would have been 21st:
http://bit.ly/1ngSlf6
The internet search history of all 50 states:
http://bit.ly/1jFQkH2
If you haven’t yet heard Barry from Watford talk about crunchy, minty biscuits…
http://bit.ly/1oiRS9d
Popbitch Fantasy Football results!
Last: Lazy Donuts, Hamstrung, The Spice Girls.
3rd False9FromOuterSpace, 2nd 424Skins. Winner The Blue Oysters!
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Frugl is a new events discovery app for people that like free and cheap stuff to do in London. It is completely free to download for iPhones here: http://bit.ly/1o9xzNZ
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Thanks to: JMB, SG, CW, Z, deepstoat whats the beefchief, RMJ, bobbifleckmann
Everyone who got in touch to tell us that we should be “toeing the line”.
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Old Jokes Home:
Q/ How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A/ Ten tickles.
Still Bored:
Victoria Aitken is back with a new song!
http://bit.ly/RcgsMO
