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Made Of Cocaine

 

Life is moving at a slower pace than normal, so why not embrace it? LELO’s latest toy – the Sila – is one to luxuriate with, ergonomically designed to spread sensation slowly and gently across the whole body. The result? A shuddering, slow-build orgasm that’s rich, textured and perfect for these long lockdown evenings. And afternoons. And mornings…
[See what the Sila can do for you]
“I feel kind of stupid because I’m like, I don’t know how much Froot Loops are” – Billie Eilish
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* The weird web of Moss
* Memories of Miquita
* PLUS: Return of the Daz
>> Racked up <<
How media works pt.18,543
 

There’s big headlines across the UK tabloids today about the soaring number of complaints that Ofcom has fielded regarding Holly Willoughby’s low-cut dress on Dancing on Ice this weekend – all handily illustrated with multiple pictures of the offending outfit so that readers can work up a furious head of steam and shake their fists about just how much cleavage was on show.

So exactly how many complaints have poured in to warrant such prominent coverage, five days after the show actually aired?

Erm… 52.

Divide by Ed Sheeran has just become the first album to get over 10 billion streams on Spotify. Will 2020 never end?
>> Cover-to-cover girl <<
Never out of Vogue
 

When Edward Enninful was announced as the editor of British Vogue a few years back, it was loudly heralded as a much-needed shake-up of the pale, stale, posh aristo set that had grown to dominate fashion journalism. But how much has actually changed?

Last month, Vogue favourite Kate Moss was the big cover star. This month, the mag features editorial by Kate’s chum Kim Jones, whose collection at Fendi Kate just modelled on the Paris catwalk. This was featured alongside a Fendi ad campaign starring… Lila Moss, Kate’s daughter. Who was chosen for the campaign by… Kim Jones. Which was great news for Lila’s modelling agent… Kate Moss (who also has her pals’ kids, Bobbie Gillespie’s son and Jake Chapman’s daughter, on her books).

For a bit of variety, there was also a nice feature on Tilda Swinton in there too. Photographed by Nikolai von Bismarck – a.k.a Mr Kate Moss.

It’s a very different picture over at Italian men’s mag L’Uomo Vogue. Their new cover star is… Romeo Beckham.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
 

Which celebrity couple might not last the pandemic together? He has spent the lockdown setting up a charity which helps supply medics and frontline workers with PPE, while she has been attending anti-mask protests and uploading meandering anti-vax posts to social media.

We’re going to be stuck to our sofas for a while still, so alleviate some of the current lockdown boredom with a Zenmate VPN. It allows you to circumvent geoblockers which opens up a whole world of streaming content to enjoy while we wait out this last stretch. Popbitch readers can get an extra six free months when they buy a year’s service for just £1.99 a month. [Take a look here]
>> Facing the music <<
Bringing in the big guns
 

After a disastrous performance in front of a Parliamentary committee last week, a BBC3 documentary about #MeToo in the British music biz this week, and some industry ties emerging in the unfolding sexual harassment scandal out of New Zealand, a certain nervousness appears to be creeping in at UK record labels.

It sounds as if Sony is taking proactive steps to prepare for any upcoming scrutiny, as their office is abuzz with whispers that the chairman has engaged the services of noted reputation protection specialist, Gideon Benaim.

After the sterling work that Gideon did protecting the reputation of Ryan Giggs when he helped him out with that superinjunction of his, we’re curious to see how this little gambit plays out.

Looking forward to speaking with you again soon, G.

Nominative Determinism of the Week: The police officer quoted in the press about his 31 colleagues all fined for having illicit haircuts over lockdown – DCS Marcus Barnett!
>> Pop’n’chop <<
Memories of Miquita
 

This month marks the 20th anniversary of the much-loved, much-missed Channel 4 show, Popworld. Famous for the snarky, aloof, occasionally abrasive attitude its hosts showed to the celebrity guests, things were often much chummier off-camera. Especially with Miquita.

Miquita was quite a fixture at the Groucho back in those days and was known among her peers for her generosity. One reader remembers seeing a pre-LA James Corden engaging Noel Fielding in a furtive, serious-looking conversation there, only to be cheerfully told by Noel – at quite a volume: “Ask Miquita. She’s made of cocaine!”

Simon Amstell once told us he used to arm himself with material from Popbitch for his Popworld interviews: “I remember using something about Jo from S Club 7’s dogs peeing when they heard her sing.”
>> Cardboard (Rude)box <<
More celebrity cut-outs
 

anon writes:
“When I worked at EMI, we kept hearing that Peter Mandelson (then the UK’s Trade Commissioner in Brussels) had something of an obsession with Robbie Williams. So we arranged to have a life-size cardboard cut-out delivered to his office at the Berlaymont where it remained in the corner of his office for the rest of his term in office.

“He would introduce his guests to Robbie when they came for meetings.”

Tired of endless swiping? The Intro is the dating app for you! The Intro ditches digital small talk and skips straight to the date. In normal times, it would match you up, manage your diary and book suitable date spots on your behalf. In lockdown, The Intro will set up digital dates with your matches instead. Leave the chitchat behind!
[Download The Intro today]
>> Sun damage <<
We didn’t want to do this
 

We honestly weren’t going to mention the Sun’s Xmas party again this week, but their insistence on going in so hard on Rita Ora for hosting a rule-breaking party in Tier 3 November, even though Sun staff did much the same thing just before Tier 4 arrived in December, is outstandingly ballsy – even for them.

Maybe the reason they’re so incensed about the restaurant wiping CCTV footage of Rita’s party is that they haven’t been able to do the same with theirs? It seems the only thing that got wiped after the Sun’s party was a senior exec’s fingers, as there are staffers who have some rather incriminating footage of the festive knees-up on their phones. Footage they’re holding as collateral should they ever need it.

Casa Cruz might lose its license over the £5,000 offer to host Rita Ora’s party. Meanwhile Rita is off to Australia for a £3m pay cheque to be a judge on The Voice. Here’s hoping she has better luck with the rules out there…
>> Harder times <<
The further adventures of Team Trump
 

It’s been an eventful few weeks since we last checked in on the few remaining lawyers that Trump hasn’t managed to alienate or imprison yet. Rudy Giuliani is now facing a $1.3 billion defamation suit. Lin Wood has just been fired by a child. But it’s Charles Harder who is interesting us the most.

Harder became the attorney of choice for aggrieved A-listers after he bankrupted Gawker in the Hulk Hogan sex tape case. His proximity to Trump has since made him toxic to most of Hollywood though. So what sort of clients are left for him now? Mike Lindell, the moustachioed millionaire MyPillow guy, who is currently trying to sue the Daily Mail for a paltry $75,000 for implying he once dated Jane Krakowski from 30 Rock.

That used to be the sort of publicity money couldn’t buy.

Olivia Rodrigo’s Drivers License is still doing roaring trade on the charts, with 3x higher figures than its nearest rival.
>> Future vision <<
Return of the Daz
 

GOOD NEWS: Daz Sampson, the geezer who represented the UK at Eurovision in 2006 with that bonkers rap about going to school, is tossing his hat into the ring again for 2021.

EVEN BETTER NEWS: He’s aiming to represent Belarus, not the UK – so we might be in with a shot of finishing second from last this year.

[Listen here]

Relive tales from the late 70s as music promoter Dave McLeans’ biopic Schemers is out on DVD and digital now. Will the three cheeky chappies from Dundee, who have no idea who U2 are, manage to pull off the biggest coup of all and get Iron Maiden to play at Caird Hall?
[Get it on digital or DVD here]
>> Hmmms <<
Claps, stocks, KLF
 

Sunday Sport headlines spliced into Hollywood movies
[Watch on YouTube]

The mansion that Phil Collins’ wife took over and stood armed guard in last year is being sold
[Have a snoop around]

Panda v Snowman
[Cute video]

Miquita Oliver talks 20 years of Popworld
[Read on Gal-Dem]

Did Amanda Palmer really get a spontaneous round of applause in a New Zealand cafe on Inauguration Day?
[An on-the-ground investigation]

What’s been happening with the GameStop stock?
[A useful explainer on VICE]

ROAR, the 90s rave podcast we previously featured, was inducted into the British Library archives this week
[Read more here]

A nice little KLF story
[From Popjustice]

What’s the truth with Dakota Johnson and limes?
[Read on Refinery29]

Thanks to: EIB, MC, TL, ulysses, deep_stoat, C, KC, JW, SWB, mount_st_nobody, whatever_yeah?, wienerbalcony, LT
Old Jokes Home
Just tried to de-ice my windscreen with a loyalty card.
Only managed to get 10% off.

 

Still Bored?
We’re a long way off being able to host our IRL pub quiz again, but there’s a brand new Play-At-Home Popbitch Popquiz available for Jan 2021 if you want to host your own for friends and family in the meantime. Eight new rounds of music, trivia, puzzles and pop culture weirdness – all for just £5.
[Popbitch Popquiz: The Coral Edition]

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