Marge Barlow’s Aching Wrist

“I know Sir Tom Jones does like a cheeky Nando’s” – Olly Murs

Tales of Rishi Sunak taking a Taylor Swift Soulcycle class in LA moved from TikTok to the papers with a quickness this week, but there’s been another fun snippet from his trip.

Shortly after Rishi settled into his seat (1D) for the flight to LA, just as he was about to tuck into his complimentary First Class orange juice, a distinctive voice started drifting across the aisle from seat 1K.

Piers Morgan’s.

Fellow passengers say the pair of them got chatting away to each other a few hours in and ended up posing for photos. At Morgan’s insistence.

American podcast How Long Gone came to do a couple of live shows at the 100 Club in London over the weekend. Saturday night’s show involved a fair bit of chatter about mid-00s UK culture – the Sugababes, Kate Moss’s accent, Preston from the Ordinary Boys (a perfect Popbitch mix).

There was one slightly more topical titbit though. One of the guests on-stage let slip that Harry Styles has an extra special lust for pregnant ladies.

Which homegrown star was once spotted inspecting every last corner of Sheekey’s trying to find themselves in among the many framed photos they have hanging? A poor waiter who’d been dragged along as a guide was heard saying “I’m sure you’re here somewhere…”

Obviously Rita Ora isn’t the only popstar to have let a dodgy signature get loose on the market – and last week’s story brought in quite a few other examples.

K writes: “Many moons ago I was sat eating cheesecake at Gary Barlow’s kitchen table when his mum, Marge, mentioned that she had a very sore wrist. She went on to say that it was most likely a result of signing all the fan club photos she’d recently sent on Gary’s behalf.”

B writes: “I worked with Little Richard on his last tour. At the end of the night he signed posters, cash only, for £25. (Those presenting autograph books were hurried away; it was the £25 poster or nowt.) He then gave posters to the venue security staff with the words ‘Here is my £25 tip to you all I promised.'”

J writes: “At the height of the Beatles’ fame, they would get tons of autograph books after every gig, too many to really sign, so all four of them would grab a bundle each and forge one another’s autographs.”

Harry Maguire’s new deal with West Ham is great news for London’s bars. Maybe less so for the other punters.

Harry and his brother were out in a Newcastle nightclub, sharing the VIP area with a handful of England cricketers. A little bit of sporting banter broke out between the two factions – in that great British tradition.

Things went south pretty swiftly though when the Maguire party started making jokes aimed at Ben Stokes’ mental health struggles. The football-cricket camaraderie turned uber-frosty at that point.

We never set out to make Popbitch a celebrity sex pest digest. Unfortunately, some weeks/months/decades, that’s just the hand we get dealt.

There’s not a huge amount more we can say on the Hardeep Singh Kohli situation (nothing that wouldn’t put us in contempt of court, anyhow) – but we will say how surprised we were to see the news of his arrest on “non-recent sex offences” make the pages of so many major papers and outlets.

When we offered these same outlets the chance to speak to our sources and learn more about his boaksome track record – back when these offences were a little less “non-recent” – the story always ended up fizzling out because Hardeep was deemed “too Z-list” to report on.

It’s probably scant solace for him as he awaits his day in court, but every cloud has its silver lining. All the coverage his arrest has commanded suggests to us Hardeep’s finally graduated to the Y-list.

The Guardian had some new allegations regarding Dan Wootton’s supposed sex alias “Martin Branning” this week – having interviewed a man named Andy Lee, who claims to have had an in-person encounter with Branning in 2013, after Branning put out a call for male models on Craigslist.

This isn’t the first time Andy has featured in the Guardian. He got a passing mention last year in Lucy Mangan’s review of the Channel 4 documentary “My Massive Cock” thanks to his stand-out contribution to the show.

His 10.5 inch penis.

Eamonn Holmes was practically spilling over with piss and vinegar when allegations about Phillip Schofield were the plat du jour. Now that Dan Wootton – his tag-team partner in that endeavour – is facing an even more scandalous litany of accusations, it seems Eammon’s previously held conviction that “Abuse has got to be called out” is suddenly a little more flexible.

We did warn Eamonn this was on the cards. Sadly for him, things are only going to get more awkward for him as the story unfolds. Byline Times’ most recent piece has unmasked some of the celebrity targets of Wootton’s – and one who has broken cover to speak out about his experience is TOWIE’s Kirk Norcross.

Who just so happens to share a booking agent with… Eamonn Holmes!

Last week, we introduced you to Dan Wootton’s new lawyer, Donal Blaney. Hopefully our facetious tone didn’t give you any cause to doubt his credentials. We truly meant it when we said that Donal is perfectly suited to take up the Wootton/Branning case.

Not long after qualifying, Donal became a partner in a small two-man firm: Baxendale Walker. The other half of it was the eponymous Paul Baxendale-Walker, a man who enjoys a singular reputation in the legal world.

PB-W got himself suspended from (and eventually struck off) the roll of solicitors after being caught giving a professional reference for the non-existent persona of some fraudsters. So he took up a new identity (Paul Chaplin) and started directing and starring in a slate of hardcore sex movies instead – including a 2010 ‘Allo ‘Allo porn parody in which he starred as Rene.

So Donal knows the type well.

With the polls still indicating a sizeable Labour victory in the next general election, work is underway to get the current opposition ready for government. Looks like they’re almost there.

One shadow frontbencher has been hard at work laying the groundwork for an early scandal by sliding into the DMs of social media users and sending them sexy shots. Both front and back.

Need a film recommendation? Pick two movies you like and this site will suggest a third that blends them both.
[Movie Maths]

Want a tour round Buffalo Bill’s house?
[Step right up!]

Sinead O’Connor’s isolated vocal on Nothing Compares 2U
[Listen on YouTube]

Sir Lawrence Freedman, Emeritus Professor of War Studies, KCL, has written a strategic analysis of Barbie
[Read it here]

The last remaining internet cafes
[See them here]

Remember the sea otter that’s been stealing surfboards? She’s got her own merch now.
[See on Etsy]

The Pudding’s latest interactive graphic – on the gender split in songwriting
[See it here]