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Megan’s Nazi Death Baby

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“I’ve had reason to have concerns about the state of English-speaking media for a long time” – Sean Penn

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|_|         |_|02.06.16 ISSUE 788
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* Horsemen of Silicon Valley
* Sex-rat sportsmen go global
* Charts: Drake still no 1

>> Fox sake <<
Megan’s Nazi death baby
Megan Fox was on Jimmy Kimmel this week talking about how her unborn child is sending her messages from the inside her uterus.
She said, “I feel like this baby is telling me it’s kind of like a Wernher von Braun or an Elon Musk, like a super genius.”
That’ll be the same Wernher von Braun who rose to fame in the Nazi party, developing the V2 rocket for Hitler, will it? Cool. Can’t wait to meet the little rascal.

Ryan Gosling says he was inspired to become an actor after seeing Raquel Welsh on the Muppet Show.

>> White wash <<
Turner classic moves
Last week Hello! had a four-page interview with Anthea Turner, looking “every bit as fresh-faced in the flesh as she seems in photographs.”
TV’s former golden girl has got the spring back in her step after her divorce and “Anthea’s positivity is part of her charm and may be a factor in her looking so young.”
The author of this heart-warming article? Someone called Victoria White.
Which is quite a coincidence given that the name of Anthea’s agent is… Victoria White.

Anthea Turner is currently enjoying watching Making A Murderer.

>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Four “sex-rat sportsmen” with privacy injunctions were named and shamed this week in America, but which of them was overheard at a corporate drinks party in Harvey Nichols boasting to a fellow guest that he had “five different women on the go”?
(He’s underselling himself. Technically it’s six, if you include his wife…)

Is Heidi Fleiss’s 90s client list really about to be revealed? Names rumoured – Johnny Depp, George Lucas, Hugh Hefner, Billy Idol, Robert Shapiro and Don Simpson…

>> Clean sweep <<
Dale’s all gloved up
Dale Winton had a lot to say last week about how bad the lighting was on British television – but Dale doesn’t really make life easy for the technical crew.
Extra time was needed on the edits for the final series of Supermarket Sweep to do some post-production work as the online editor had to go through the footage, shot by shot, to find Dale Winton’s hands in each frame and colour grade them to the same shade of orange as his face.
Apparently, before this was done it looked like he was wearing surgical gloves.

Sad to see that Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris’s contract didn’t get renewed. How long now until Taylor goes “full Miley”?

>> Bad Standard <<
Another typo racism
Richard Blackwood’s brother Marcus was jailed for dealing cocaine this week, but in their haste to publish the story the Evening Standard made a rather unfortunate error.

Marcus shares his brother’s surname, Blackwood, but for some reason, in paragraph 15, the Standard’s article refers to him as Marcus Blackman.
http://bit.ly/1Uigdtk


The Telegraph also had to change a piece about how a vote on the Albanian genocide was threatening Turkey’s deal with the EU. They meant Armenian genocide.

>> Spirit in the Sky <<
Dying for a comedy hit
Sky Atlantic’s latest attempt to find a homegrown hit to go alongside its blockbuster US imports is Sick Note: a comedy about a mistaken cancer diagnosis, with Don Johnson and Rupert Grint.
Previous commissions from the channel’s controller, Zai Bennett, include the assisted suicide comedy Way To Go for BBC3, as well as ITV2’s OMG Peaches Geldof.
Hopefully the cast and crew of Sick Note have got their affairs in order…

Where Manchester United lead, others follow. DFS is apparently “the official Team GB homeware partner for the Rio Olympics”.

>> The Disrapture <<
Horsemen of Silicon Valley
Everyone in the media has had a lot to say about Peter Thiel and his secret funding of Hulk Hogan’s legal case against Gawker. They’re right to point out that Thiel’s actions pose a great threat to the future of the media – but he’s only one part of the problem.
What if Thiel is only one of four horsemen hellbent on attacking the media. And if he’s unleashing War on Gawker… then who the hell are Famine, Pestilence and Death? Well, you’ll already know them. They’re famous enough…
Full story:
http://bit.ly/20VuC3b

Paddy Power slashed the odds on Aidan Turner for the next Bond yesterday. Hope you got your bet on.

>> Popbits <<
Something for everyone
The Avalanches are back! 16 years after Since I Left You, there’s a new album out next week – and a single preview out today.
Dragonette
Lonely Heart is very summery. Think tropical house meets Gwen Stefani.
Sergey Lazarev
Russia’s Eurovision entry did a Eurohouse cover of Shattered Dreams by Johnny Hates Jazz back in 2007.
Listen to them here:
bit.ly/1P8tmUd

Popbitch’s Man Of The Week: Rory Seager, who tried to rob a William Hill in Ilford – using just a 99p tin of John West pilchards.

>> Brexit music <<
Making their minds up
With 5ive, East 17, Alesha Dixon and Sister Sledge all walking out on the big Brexit pop night in Birmingham later this month, who have they found to step into their shoes?
According to the latest flyer: “Mike, Cheryl, Jay and Bobby formerly of Bucks Fizz”.
Why such a clunky name? Partly it’s because the name Bucks Fizz legally belongs to Bobby G’s wife, thanks to a complicated battle for the trademark.
But it gets even more complex because, in a sleight of hand worthy of a politician, Bobby G isn’t the Bobby that they’ve managed to get to perform.
The “Bobby formerly of Bucks Fizz” on the flyer is actually Bobby McVay, formerly of failed 1983 Eurovision act, Sweet Dreams. But with a bit of work in hair and make-up, who’s going to know the difference?

 


The Bucks Fizz Three’s lawyer trying to get their name back was Freddie Starr’s brief in that spectacularly unsuccessful libel suit. Oops.

>> Who’s next? <<
Tom’s putting it out now
For the 500th issue of Doctor Who Magazine they managed to land a big interview with Tom Baker, but it isn’t a very cheery one. In it, he says this is likely to be his final interview because “I’ll be dead quite soon”.
Our fingers are crossed that he lasts a good long while yet – but we hope he holds on at least long enough to see Issue 501. It’s supposed to be their Tom Baker special.
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Media Masters podcast interview: Google’s European supremo Matt Brittin. Behind the scenes, future plans and challenges. Listen: http://ow.ly/ynIR300MNwJ
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>> Hmmms <<
Trump, horse, cat
Pull my finger returns:
http://www.misternicehands.com
“Luna’s graduating collection was designed with the needs of modern refugees in mind” Fashion, eh?
http://bit.ly/1t3rp7w
The man behind that brilliant Putin, Put Out parody is crowd-funding to make a Donald Trump video. Help him out:
http://bit.ly/1Uhok9z
Brooklyn’s artisanal food revolution has hit a wall:
http://bit.ly/1sOyWq2
A horse walks into a bar…
http://bit.ly/1UwoDA3
A rare (and brilliant) case of nominative determinism from the cat world:
http://bit.ly/1TRez7I
Croydon has the famous cat killer but Plymouth seems to be in the grip of a phantom cat shaver:
http://bit.ly/1Zg9hB1
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Thanks to: Robin, monstris, MM, mysterme, SG, PB, RB, MA, LB, WB, S, LM
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Old Jokes Home
Q/ Where do pedants get their water?
A/ A well, actually…
Still Bored?
That’s it for another week, but in the meantime try out Shavekit’s top quality razors for only ONE POUND by using the code SKSTART:
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