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Mott In Our Name

 

The fall of Bell Pottinger, the cheeky line of succession, and Taylor Swift is No 1 again
Hold up! Are you crazy in love with Beyoncé? Beyoncégraphica is published today. An unofficial history of Queen Bey brought to you in words, pictures and some fun infographics. A treat for pop culture fans.
[Take a look inside the book here]
“I put sugar on my spaghetti. Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it” – Nelly
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* Oscar Pistorius: where are you now?
* The BBC’s Bake Off offensive
* Charts: Taylor Swift still at No.1
>> Mott in our name <<
An apology to our readers
As a result of the Will Carling/Princess Diana/shaved growler story last week, we lost a reader. They told us they had enjoyed Popbitch for 15+ years (and so, presumably, had sat comfortably through the stories of Lisa Stansfield getting fanny rash off of some bad coke, Ricky Martin having wanking races with his road crew and Fred Durst letting his dog watch him bang groupies) but talk of Diana’s pubic upkeep was a bridge too far. They unsubscribed.

Fair enough. We all have our limits. But it seems as if we don’t just owe him an apology; we owe you all an apology – because the story wasn’t strictly accurate.

According to someone else, who’s been told the story by Carling himself, Carling didn’t ask Diana to shave her growler at all.

He asked her to shave her “mott”.

Princess Diana walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of lager. The barman asks, “Will Carling do you?” Diana replies, “Mind your own business!”
>> Syked up <<
Hole lotta love
Fans of barely-successful former boyband members will be gutted to hear that Nathan Sykes appears to have been dropped from his label, Global Entertainment.

That leaves label boss Ashley Tabor with a hole he’ll be eager to fill – but who will take the position?

In the whole of the 1960s, there were 14 singles registered as being million-sellers. In 2016 alone there were 15.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which star of the recent BBC adaptation of The Cuckoo’s Calling has turned brass into gold – by getting their new partner into some pretty heavy pissplay?
Kim Cattrall smells faintly of eucalyptus (“In a good way,” we’re assured.)
>> PR pressure <<
For whom the Bell tolls
It’s an awfully fickle business, PR. When you’re helping your clients out of a jam, things couldn’t be rosier. But the second you find yourself in trouble, you’re on your own.

Bell Pottinger made their name defending the indefensible – yet now that they’re facing financial ruin and potential closure, where are the ungrateful shitbags they’ve represented over the years?

Oscar Pistorius. Rolf Harris. Rebekah Brooks. Asma al-Assad. Alexander Lukashenko. BAE. Trafigura. All too good to return a favour, are you?

Max Clifford has been in prison for 1,224 days. Not a particularly significant landmark. Just nice to think about from time to time.
>> Proper snorty <<
The line of succession
Now that there’s news of a third royal baby, Prince Harry is all but guaranteed to be off the hook for any serious reigning duty. And while he probably won’t be able to dress up as a Nazi again or run naked through Las Vegas anymore, he’s definitely going to be able to enjoy much more of a Princess Margaret-style existence now.

So the palace security convoy that Harry used to use when going to pick up his gear can probably expect to be a little bit busier once the baby arrives.

If you’re reading this Wayne, here’s something for Coleen: Arena Flowers has same day delivery on many of its bouquets. Perfect even if you’re not in the doghouse. Popbitch readers get 15% off orders by using the special promo code “pop15”
[Buy a bouquet at Arena Flowers]
>> Half baked <<
Pot, meet kettle
Despite an unexpectedly successful launch, C4’s Bake Off is now finding itself plagued by rumours in the tabloids that some of this year’s contestants are semi-professional bakers. Rumours which mainly seem to be coming from BBC sources.

The Beeb should maybe tread a little more lightly. It didn’t escape our notice that the first episode of their new rival show, The Big Family Cooking Showdown, featured the Swedish Marks family – including mum, Jessica.

Or as we know her better (from her previous adverts in Popbitch) Jessica Andersson: proprietor of Jessica’s Recipes Bag, a professional meal-planning service.

C4’s prepared line to spin if the show had bombed? Blame it on Noel Fielding. Now that the show looks like a hit? All thanks to their inspired casting of… Noel Fielding!
>> Blaze of glory <<
We didn’t start-up the fire
There’s one week left to get your applications in for News UK’s latest venture – a ‘digital incubator’ to help develop hot new start-up businesses.

It’s bound to attract the brightest and best, what with Murdoch’s fantastic track record in the digital world. Past glories include MySpace (bought for $580m in 2005; sold for $35m in 2011) and FiredUp.com – an auction site that was aimed at taking down eBay.

Known internally as FuckedUp.com, News UK bosses spent so much money on hiring Bruce Willis to front an advert for the site that they had no money left to spend on airtime afterwards; a miscalculation that meant virtually no-one ended up seeing the ad.

They spent what was left on a huge billboard outside their Wapping HQ to advertise the site and surrounded the billboard by flames – a disruptive, maverick gimmick to capture people’s attention. Which it did. So much so that the fire brigade was called out to the site virtually every day until it was eventually taken down.

LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT WILLPOWER. Popbitch readers have been loving Slimpod: “From the first listen things changed. My attitude to what I’m eating – and how much – have been turned upside down… I’m thrilled.” Promo code POPBITCH gets you 20% off any programme.
[Learn more at thinkingslimmer.com]
>> Safe Spacey <<
License to drill
KS writes:
“I used to work for Lambeth Council and recall one time when the Licensing Committee heard annual applications for local bars, clubs and theatres. There were just two applications that time. One from the Old Vic theatre and one from a notorious gay S&M dungeon bar.

“The clerk, seeing Kevin Spacey as an applicant in person, said: ‘Ah, Mr Spacey. We’ll hear from you first. Tell me. Which establishment are you representing?'”

“Everyone present, including the star, fell about laughing.”

will.i.am has a sci-fi novel coming out, called WAR: Wizards And Robots.
>> Dan and dusted <<
Farewell, Walter Becker
We were so sad to hear the news about Walter Becker of Steely Dan. As well as being superfans of the band, Becker and Fagen were also extremely nice to us 15 years ago when Popbitch interviewed them in Las Vegas (high as kites on prescription painkillers…)

Still, sad though it is, he did at least avoid the strange fate of two of Steely Dan’s former drummers – who both died, Spinal Tap-style, in bizarre accidents.

Jim Hodder drowned in his swimming pool, while Jeff Porcaro died after spraying his garden with insecticide.

Nominative Determinism Of The Week: The chief executive of the Structural Timber Association is… Andrew Carpenter!
>> Board stupid <<
Model takes the mickeys
Being a judge on America’s Next Top Model has clearly given Janice Dickinson a taste for criticising people.

Recently, while strolling along in West Hollywood, Janice took time out of her day to berate a group of skaters in their late teens/early 20s. They were just hanging out, minding their own business, doing tricks on their boards, but something about them really seemed to rankle her.

Unprovoked, she was heard shouting “Those skaters are terrible! They can’t skate! I can skate better than them!” before going on to abuse them more specifically about their individual failings.

She then headed into local gay bar Mickeys.

MEDIA MASTERS PODCAST: This week sees an interview with Justine Roberts, co-founder and CEO of Mumsnet, who discusses how she built the grassroots community that brought us Penis Beakers, trips to Centre Parcs and thousands of incredible discussion threads.
[Listen/Download at Media Focus]
>> Hmmms <<
Shit, donkeys, junkies
A brilliant, anecdote-rich history of the FT’s lunch interviews
[Read on Financial Times]

Life imitates arts as an Edinburgh junkie called Mark Renton is done for heroin possession
[See on The Scotsman]

Another really interesting musical Web VR experiment, this time from Google and Song Exploder
[See on WebVR]

Local News Of The Week
[Read on Bristol Post]

Hieronymus Bosch pinãtas
[See on Hyperallergic]

Half-and-half scarves for fans who hate half-an-half scarves
[See on Half And Barf]

Thanks to: gentlemanthug, SD, BA, diddley, NS, LH, bunkle, C, RD, bobbifleckmann, SW, PL, plastiktom
Old Jokes Home:
A clown held the door open for me the other day.
It was a nice jester.

Still Bored?
Cute Animal Alert! Linton Zoo in Cambridgeshire have three new Eastern Quolls – and they are your new favourites…
[See on Twitter]

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