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How To Have A Good Day: Following last year’s sold-out talk, the inspirational Caroline Webb is back in the UK to show how the power of behavioural science can transform your life. 10th Feb, London, SW1. 8.30-9.30am. 20% off/code POPBITCH: http://bit.ly/2japzQe
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“I’ll go broke before I drink bad wine” – Madonna
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|_| |_ 12.01.17 ISSUE 814
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* Pricing a Presidential Piss Party
* Drenching the Daily Mail
* Charts: Ed Sheeran is new No. 1
>> Double agent <<
Another two-timing footballer
Celebrity Big Brother’s ratings are so dire even the housemates are heading out the door without waiting to be voted off. Channel 5 bosses must have their fingers crossed hoping that at least some of them see the show through to the bitter end.
Footballer Jamie O’Hara chose CBB over finding a new club in the transfer window. His agent was grousing on Twitter that he had “three clubs lined up for him” until another agent piped up to say “Oi, he’s my client!”
So there’s definitely one housemate who has an incentive to stay in as long as possible.
Iceland has the most views on Pornhub per capita of any country in the world.
>> Golden opportunity <<
Some eye-watering figures
Threesomes in olive oil-filled paddling pools are so 2016. The hottest new trend in scandalous hotel sex for 2017 is the Presidential Piss Party.
We all know that The Donald prides himself on buying the very finest things in life – but how much does it cost to hire an army of escorts to drown a mattress in piss? We dusted off our calculator and ran the numbers.
Poor old Peter Andre hasn’t even got his barista job to fall back on now. His East Grinstead coffee shop has shut its doors for the last time.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
One of Harley Street’s top osteopaths had a rather odd run-in with the wife of which super famous rock star? She decided her treatment would be enhanced if she took off all her clothes, and then intimately frotted the doctor’s arm as he tried to examine her.
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>> Hazy memories <<
Down under the influence
On his last tour of Australia, it was clear that George Michael was hitting the weed pretty hard. Although it wasn’t affecting his voice, it was definitely doing something to his memory as he kept greeting the audience in Melbourne by shouting “Hello Sydney!” between songs.
When he came back on stage after the interval, someone must have had a quiet word in his ear, as he started his second set by saying:
“Hello to my friend Sydney in the audience… and hello Melbourne!”
George’s Gaydar profile name was aabsolut. He even had a grainy headshot up with it for a while.
>> Mail behaviour <<
Do as I say, not as I do
The Daily Mail has been getting itself all in a lather about how BBC bods spent 115 grand on booze over a three year period (a cost which works out at the rather modest sum of two pounds per employee, per year).
You’d never see such lavish excess at the Daily Mail, of course. They’d rather be seen dead than whooping it up at some sort of sordid bacchanal like the annual advertising beano, Cannes Lion.
And you would never, ever see the mailonline’s head honcho, Martin Clarke, and one of his chief ad execs celebrating at Nikki Beach’s infamous pool party – the one where waiters spray customers with 150 euro bottles of champagne.
Except on this video.
Principled pop stars, beware dying young. Streaming agnostic Prince’s estate will have his back catalogue on Spotify ready for the Grammies.
>> Harder and harder <<
The fight for freedom, cont.
While Donald Trump is loudly and clumsily duking it out with media titans CNN and BuzzFeed, his crack team of associates are doing some quieter work behind the scenes to further dismantle journalism.
Charles Harder (the lawyer who took down Gawker at the behest of Silicon Valley billionaire and Trump transition teamster Peter Thiel; also, the lawyer who is currently representing Melania Trump in a $150m libel case; also, the lawyer who is currently representing Trump campaign ally Roger Ailes) has just filed another new lawsuit against the website Techdirt.
Once again, the suit is aimed at an independent site known to speak truth to tech power, for a disproportionately ruinous amount and is served on behalf of Shiva Ayyadurai – who was also using Harder to sue Gawker before it folded.
Peter Thiel said at the time that Hulk Hogan wasn’t the only person he was bankrolling for lawsuits. Yet more shadowy work from Team Trump?
For more on Harder – and how he fits into the horrifying media/political landscape at the moment: http://bit.ly/2h9m0ce
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>> Fuller circle <<
What comes around, goes around
Having spent his entire career watching Simon Cowell attempt to emulate everything he’s ever done, it must be strange for Simon Fuller to find himself emulating the career of Cowell.
First Fuller missed out on the Cruz Beckham gig. Now Bradley Wiggins has defected from his management company, having already lost Lewis Hamilton and Andy Murray. Once he was a bulletproof tastemaker, now he watches on as newer rivals make him look a bit tired and out of date.
All he needs now is for Gary Barlow to shamelessly rip off one of his television formats and the transformation into Cowell will be complete.
Popbitch’s favourite Singapore fund manager? Savills Investment Management’s Volker Wanka.
>> The beardyguard <<
She sure has a type…
Poor old Nicole Scherzinger was teased endlessly when she went out with Lewis Hamilton, with everyone giggling and calling her his “beard” and what not.
So it’s nice to see that she’s found a strapping young red-blooded sportsman like Grigor Dimitrov this time round. He’s enjoying a real boost in his marketability now that he’s a regular fixture alongside her on the Sidebar of Shame. And how does Grigor repay her for all this newfound attention?
By using it to go on about how much he loves Whitney Houston.
Men, eh?
Some of the suggested new Monopoly pieces include: a T-Rex, a slice of bread, a jetski, a hashtag…
>> Unfinished business <<
What Shapovalov did next
Russian girlband tATu had the misfortune to emerge just as Rebekah Brooks’ News of The World bloomed into full paedo obsession mode. Their svengali manager Ivan Shapovalov became public enemy number one – subjected to regular red-top hammerings for smoking marijuana and general pervery. Then tATu split, and Ivan disappeared.
Instead of going off to count his millions (or help Putin recruit Donald Trump) Ivan was diagnosed with brain cancer. Despite a poor prognosis he seems to have come through it all and has started up a new music project – Podnebeses.
We’re delighted for him, naturally, but perhaps a tad disappointed that after staring death in the face, the one thing Ivan wanted to do was helm a global chillout fest.
Before forming tATu Julia and Lena were in a teenpop band called Neposedi with Eurovision star Sergey Lazarev.
>> Killer queen <<
Another one bites the dust
Following the fine tradition of managing to totally torpedo everything she ever gets involved with, Jane Mote (aka the Typhoid Mary of TV) has brought another channel to the brink.
We told you last year she’d already stunted GLR, Current TV and London Live, and had just taken on a new job advising TruTV.
Well, Mote will soon be able to add TruTV to her list of confirmed kills, as the channel is now on the chopping block due to lousy audiences – unless the owners Turner Media can miraculously find a third party to fund it.
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>> Hmmms <<
Bunnies, guinea pigs, Payet
Forget Dry January! Celebrate drinking with Oliver Reed: Wild Thing at the King’s Head Theatre until 28 Jan. 20% off 20GBP tickets by quoting Popbitch:
http://bit.ly/2gaQ5su
Yugoslavian computer cover stars of the 80s and 90s:
http://bit.ly/2jmMsNZ
Great works of art, played in airline toilets:
http://bit.ly/2j2c8PO
Media Masters Podcast – this week, influential lobbyist Mark Gallagher spills the beans on the real levers of media power:
http://bit.ly/2j3tbBB
West Ham official “We’ve Got Payet” T-shirt – was 20GBP; now 5GBP reduced to clear…
http://bit.ly/2iKylRP
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Thanks to: COM, AM, GS, SG, PBT, ulysses, SK, GC, MC, SA
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Old Donald Trump Jokes Home:
Q/ What’s the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
A/ No-one has ever paid to have a lentil on their face…
Still Bored?
Rihanna remixed as an 80s powerballad:
http://bit.ly/2ig4Qvc
