************************************
A flutter on X Factor and Strictly? Our pre-show stats predicted the two favourites – Matt and Danny. 2-1 for the double win at William Hill. Sign up for free matched bet: http://bit.ly/2fON1wY
************************************
“Sorry meant paedo not poof” – Eric Bristow
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| ‘_ \ / _ \| ‘_ \| ‘_ \| | __/ __| ‘_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_|01.12.16 ISSUE 810
Free email every week
Subscribe http://eepurl.com/XSZoP
Email stories hello@popbitch.com
* Steve Bannon’s rap musical
* Mixed Metro Messages
* Charts: Clean Bandit at No 1
>> Snappy talk <<
Very social media
Prince Harry and his new love Meghan Markle issued a pretty savage statement to the press this month demanding privacy. An if that wasn’t enough to put every last journo’s nose out of joint, it looks like the happy couple are actively trolling the media now too.
On Meghan’s London visit the two lovers had Sunday lunch together. Where? At Soho House – the spiritual home of London media.
They weren’t having a private little lunch either. The happy couple brought some friends along to join them too…
YouTubers.
FYI: Meghan, you may want to stop snapping your roasts for Instagram. Soho House has a ‘no cameras’ rule. It’s to protect members’ privacy.
Former Skins star Jack O’Connell has an odd year ahead. He’s just been linked with two biopic roles: Ronnie O’Sullivan and Alexander McQueen.
>> Neo Narstie <<
Black and white supremacy
Not since Prince Charles outed himself as a Bunny Wailer fan has black music culture found itself such an unlikely fan. This week we learned that Donald Trump’s alt-right-hand man, Steve Bannon, once wrote a rap musical based on Shakespeare’s Coriolanus.
Not only that, but the whole thing was updated Baz Luhrmann style and set in South Central, during the LA riots. The Roman Senators of the Bard’s boring old original were turned into members of the Bloods and the Crips.
So the White House is getting a conspiracy theorist and an LA gang aficionado? Guess they’ll finally find the budget to investigate if Tupac really is alive and living in Cuba.
RIP Colonel Abrams. Whose real name was… Colonel Abrams.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which Canadian artist has earned himself the nickname “Stone Roses”? Not because he’s got a new found love of baggy flares, but because it only took until his second album to enter the cocaine period of his career…
************************************
Exclusive Xmas Discount Offer! Iconic Russian submarine clocks, vintage lights and more from Cornwall’s Any Old Lights. Brilliant Christmas gifts! 10% off everything: http://anyoldlights.co.uk/popbitch
************************************
>> Gak attack <<
Support for the new fiver
The new five pound note has been getting bad press in some quarters for being made with animal fat.
While vegans are protesting it, certain sections of the population have their fingers crossed that they don’t change the note too much.
Why? Because all around the capital’s media watering holes, private members’ clubs, VIP lounges and parliamentary bars we’re hearing the same thing.
The new fiver is an absolute belter for hoovering up gak.
The US touring company of Phantom of the Opera travels with a giant case labelled “Front Of House Gak”.
>> Metronormative <<
So good they wrote it twice
We’re getting some very mixed messages from the Metro. Second on their sidebar list of Must Read articles this week was:
“Bump Or No Bump – Why We Have To Stop Discussing Whether Or Not Cheryl Is Pregnant”
The only story that they recommended more?
“Cheryl And Liam Payne Need To Confirm Their Pregnancy Now – And Here’s Why”
How’s that for balance?
************************************
Merry Fucking Brexit: Funny & rude Christmas cards and wrap for the 48 or 52 percent. Loads of gifts perfect for Secret Santas, and how about 25% off everything? Code POP25 at checkout. Ho Ho Ho! https://www.deanmorriscards.co.uk/
************************************
>> Double down <<
Time for TV bets
Ed Balls and Honey G departed last weekend, so Strictly and X Factor now get serious.
Strictly:
Danny, Louise and Ore all fit the winner’s pattern. Is Danny Mac (8/11) just too perfect? Pro Kevin has been runner-up for three years. Could he and Louise (9/4) go one better? http://bit.ly/2fIyiEv
X Factor:
Matt (4/6) fits the X Factor winner’s profile but Saara (9/4) is the one whose odds have been dropping and Emily (8/1) is Cowell’s girl: http://bit.ly/2fV2ob1
Do the double:
Danny + Matt 2/1
Louise + Matt 4/1
Louise + Saara 8/1
Ore + Emily 80/1
http://bit.ly/2fON1wY
FYI: Sofabet are pretty good at dissecting X Factor if you want ongoing discussion: http://www.sofabet.com
************************************
Media Masters Podcast – Jim Impoco The editor of Newsweek tells the story behind the ‘Madam President’ cover furore. Listen here: http://bit.ly/2gCWk4G
************************************
>> Punk’d? <<
Smoke on the water
Joe Corre was at the centre of a huge publicity stunt this week for punk’s 40th anniversary. In front of a crowd which seemed to consist mainly of journalists, he burned a collection of punk memorabilia on a Thames barge.
It was breathlessly reported around the world that the collection was worth $5m… $10m… some even say that it was priceless!
But did anyone think to check? Gossip has been circulating all summer that the collection he immolated – far from being family heirlooms passed down from Corre’s parents, Malcolm McLaren and Vivienne Westwood – was actually bought in a job lot a couple of years ago from Nellee Hooper.
The cleverest thing about it? Now that it’s all gone up in smoke, no-one will ever know…
Victoria Beckham and Mariah Carey’s big diet tip is to have salmon every day. (How you’re supposed to get fish up your nose, we’ve no idea.)
>> West’s end <<
From LA to London
15 years ago, British director Simon West was the toast of LA. He’d gone from directing the Nicolas Cage blockbuster Con Air, to the Angelina Jolie Tomb Raider movie.
What’s he up to now? He’s in London doing a crowd-funded film that was scripted by someone from That Mitchell And Webb Show. It’s called Salty and it stars Antonio Banderas as an ageing rock star and reformed sex addict, married to a supermodel who is abducted by pirates. In Chile.
Seems like a bit of a shift, so what happened there exactly? According to gossipy film execs, the more conventional work started to dry up after he became known as being rather difficult to work with.
Too difficult for Hollywood? Cripes!
Nominative Determinism Of The Week: Labour’s Shadow Minister for Steel is called Gill Furniss.
>> The Great De-Pressing <<
Issue 30 of Popbitch Magazine
The latest issue of Popbitch Magazine is out now – looking at the absolute hammering the press has taken in 2016.
From Hulk Hogan’s cock and balls, to PJS’s olive oil orgies, to Donald Trump and his batshit tweet storms, we examine every gruesome detail to see where the hell we go from here.
PLUS!
* Verbal Dyer-rhea: the wit and wisdom of Danny Dyer!
* Girlfriend In A Comma: why is everyone treating Cheryl Cole like the Elephant Man?
* Rogue’s Gallery: Someone is trading in Rolf Harris’s old art. Fancy some?
All this and much more!
Spotted in The Cow pub this week: Noel Gallagher, wife, kids eating with David Beckham and daughter. (Mrs G = much taller than Noel…)
>> Private lie <<
Hello celebrity hypocrites!
Earlier this month we mentioned that Strictly lovebirds Ben Cohen and Kristina Rihanoff had groused to IPSO about wanting the press to leave them alone on their holiday to Dubai.
Now we know why.
The poor, privacy-starved Ben and Kristina are parading their baby Mila on the front cover of Hello! this week – and on six photo-heavy pages inside.
And where, oh where, were all those exclusive photos taken?
“Ben and Kristina make footsteps in the sand on the hotel’s private beach” […] “as they splash around in the shade of a palm tree in one of the hotel’s six swimming pools” […] “one of Dubai’s most family friendly hotels”.
************************************
Hand drawn art prints, maps, cards – even homeware. Plus excellent personalised gift ideas from Lovely Jojo’s (who is every bit as lovely as the name suggests). And you get 20% discount with code BITCH20: http://www.lovelyjojos.com/
************************************
>> Hmmms <<
Wombat, Trump, pelicans
Would you buy a used car from us? Popbitch’s Smart Car for sale. Great condition. One-of-a-kind silver/lime green. Only 46,000 miles. GBP 1100o.n.o email things@popbitch.com
http://bit.ly/2gNHLMs
Let George the wombat warm your cold, flinty heart:
http://bit.ly/2gOaCyD
Want a “Crash” pad? JG Ballard’s house up for sale:
http://bit.ly/2fI26oN
Excellent study into how truthful true movies are:
http://bit.ly/2gaIPZA
Headline Of The Week – Finley Quaye Fined For Headbutting Dying Friend Who Wanted To Watch Game Of Thrones:
http://bit.ly/2gQft2A
************************************
Want to advertise something here before Xmas? It works – and helps cover our cost to send the mailout. Email: advertising@popbitch.com
************************************
Thanks to: T, PR, HC, kerching, MM, DAF, posh_duckhunter
************************************
Old Jokes Home:
I just bought a Jehovah’s Witness advent calendar.
Every time you open a door someone tells you to fuck off.
Still Bored?
The amazing Le Gateau Chocolat plays Soho Theatre this Xmas. An eclectic mix of music; pop to opera, Kate Bush to Whitney, Elvis to Pavarotti. 12 Dec to 7 Jan. PB exclusive discount – 25% off with promo code LYCRA25:
http://bit.ly/2gObRy7
