****************************************
Bingo! Some Easter treats from Coral. 20GBP Easter Egg Bonus tonight: http://bit.ly/11QQAGJ
Then get ready for the super 500,000 euro four day Easter Weekend prize pot! http://bit.ly/15YgCrX
****************************************
“I’ve been kicked out of a few parties, but it’s fun when you get kicked out. Being told to leave is great. ‘Get out you’re too pissed’, ‘Wicked'” – Lee Ryan
“I definitely started thinking before I speak a lot more these days” – Lee Ryan
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| ‘_ \ / _ \| ‘_ \| ‘_ \| | __/ __| ‘_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 28.03.13 ISSUE 635
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to https://www.popbitch.com
To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com
* Status Quo back!
* Bobak’s back!
* Charts: Ant and Dec number 1!
>> True romance <<
Call him QT, QT patootie
It was Quentin Tarantino’s 50th birthday yesterday. We were tempted to call to wish him well. Then we remembered this story.
A few years back at Cannes Film Festival, the pianist at the Hotel Carlton revealed that Tarantino had been chatting her up. She was a rather beautiful Texan, and when he asked her for room number, she gave it out thinking she’d get a knock at the door later.
He never did knock on her door. But instead, she claimed, he rang her up late at night, so she could talk dirty to him down the phone while he pleasured himself.
FYI: Quentin Tarantino’s middle name is Jerome.
Lack of budget meant a recent Bear Grylls commercial wasn’t filmed in the wilderness, but near Leighton Buzzard.
>> Status update <<
2013’s big hopeful
It’s here! The Status Quo action movie that we’ve been eagerly awaiting looks even better than anyone could possibly have hoped for. Doesn’t it?
Linda Robson threw up on stage in the Birds of A Feather show in Eastbourne. Aw Linda, Lesley Joseph’s not that bad!
>> Signage of the Lambs <<
Popbitch Kickstarter Update
A massive thank you for helping us to raise a whopping ten grand in our first week. If you haven’t yet pledged on Kickstarter now is a great time not only to help us get Popbitch for tablets off the ground, but to claim a nice reward. Like:
1. Write your name on a lamb!
Real live sheep, with your name on it, running around a field in Devon. Photos and video coverage included. Two lambs only.
2. Party invitations and events around the world!
3. Limited edition iPad/Android tablet Popbitch magazine.
4. Even if you have no tablet – get The 10 Year Bundle: The Best Of The First 10 Years – a special retrospective email issue of Popbitch and the Old Jokes Collection – our top 50 favourite old jokes.
Popbitch’s favourite Indian chemicals firm? Wanksons. And their best agro products? Wank Attack and Wank Shoot.
>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking
Staff at a Hamburg sex shop say they were surprised to see which pop star – a favourite of Princess Di – buying glide gel, a dildo, and a special device with a cockring-like base and a dolphin-shaped vibrating tip?
This week’s Norwegian lesson: Shaving foam is… “Barberskum”. Also works in Danish.
>> Atomic Smitten <<
Explaining Berezovsky
Ulysses writes
“I used to live near Boris Berezovsky’s gaff. His opposite neighbours are the Royal Family of the UAE (in the house both John Lennon and Ringo Starr used to live in, and where they filmed the Imagine video), and the Royal Family of Jordan own the pile around the other side.
“There’s also a small experimental Consort nuclear reactor at the Imperial College field station about a quarter of a mile from Titness Park. It’s in the process of being decommissioned – although nobody’s supposed to know that it’s there.
“Many of the vehicles working on the decommissioning drive within about 50 feet of Berezovsky’s house in order to get to the A30. Wonder if it was this that gave the bonkers radiation reading that set off the paramedic’s monitor!”
Boris Johnson for PM? When the family was asked what the plan was, it was indicated MP brother Jo would be expected to fall on his sword if it was ever needed.
>> PR from hell <<
How to make a tit of yourself
“Sexism in the media” campaigns always seem to focus on getting rid of Page Three. That might not do the trick. Take this press release we got this week, from a female PR exec.
“We’ve got a fun news story for today. The official Cleavage Honours List is published today in recognition of outstanding services to cleavage across the UK… Ten British celebrities have been awarded either an OBE (Officer of the Breast Empire), a CBE (Commander of the Breast Empire) or highest accolade, a Cleavage Knighthood, for their services to cleavage and their commitment to enhancing Britain throughout the year.”
We haven’t responded officially yet but, if you have a notepad handy, our reply ends in Off.
*****************************************
If Michael McIntyre and Jimmy Carr get right on your tits – then this might be for you. Alexei Sayle with his first full-length solo stand-up show in over 16 years. EXTRA DATES ADDED DUE TO DEMAND – 2-13 April, book now! http://bit.ly/14p3Y9h
*****************************************
>> Bobak’s back! <<
The ultimate multi-hyphenate
Whatever happened to Bobak from “the phenomenally successful UK R&B group Another Level”?
You remember. Bobak. The one who “had hits with Jay-Z and Ghostface Killah” and “consulted on two MOBO Awards and one Brit Awards.”
Ever wonder if he has been “actively recording and writing material as a creative release and engaging other forms of creative expression with several notable acting roles (Diet Coke, Cee-lo Green)”?
Union J filmed a music video this week on some waste ground in Sneinton, Nottingham. Oh, the glamour of pop.
>> Playing for keepy-ups <<
What the Butler didn’t see
Gerard Butler is no stranger to the football movie, and is often photographed in full Celtic regalia. However, he was less delighted than you’d imagine when he discovered that his people had set him up for a chat with a big Celtic fanzine, reminiscing about his favourite players and matches. While some of his recent film choices wouldn’t suggest there’s a particularly canny head on top of those brawny shoulders, he was wise enough to find an excuse to pull out before anyone found out he was no Rod Stewart when it came to Celtic history.
On the set of Lord of the Rings, Sean Bean was known to extras as “Pansy” due to his complaining when splashed by other actors during a scene on a river.
>> Club banned which? <<
The mystery of the Groucho
Email to members this week: “The Groucho Club is a refuge and inner sanctum. No matter who you are outside, once you cross our threshold you’re treated the same as every other member.
“Recently a guest approached a member and badgered them for a photograph. The member who brought in the guest did nothing to intervene, which resulted in their permanent suspension.”
Know who the unfortunate photographee was? hello@popbitch.com
*****************************************
Squarepusher unveils the latest evolution of the acclaimed Ufabulum Live AV show http://bit.ly/Yhblfo
(plus guests The Bug and Factory Floor) 30 March 2013 – The Roundhouse. Tickets and more info:
http://bit.ly/1052Thu
*****************************************
>> Hmmms <<
Pranks, plots, puppies
It’s cold. This Beach Boys shred will warm your heart:
http://bit.ly/XeaCgo
Someone really really wanted the new Daft Punk album:
http://bit.ly/10Ty4Pd
BitTorrent trollbait. Hollywood finds another way to screw you:
http://tcrn.ch/YUrSSd
Finding it too easy to sleep? Here’s actresses without teeth:
http://bit.ly/Zr383W
What is it with the Welsh and otters? First they are blamed for destroying carp… and now toads:
http://bbc.in/11NsgJr
*****************************************
Popbitch Popquiz is back on 15th April at the Player, Soho, 7pm! Enter your team or find out more by emailing comp@popbitch.com
*****************************************
Thanks to: mountstnobody, AC, JW, SD, SG, GS, ML, intheissynoho, celtiagirl, gravelly_hills_cop thebestnameshavegone, JC G, AP
*****************************************
Old Jokes Home:
My Mum and Dad’s first names are Pearl and Dean.
I call them Mama and Papa papaa papaa papaa pa pa pa, papaa papaa pa paaaaaa
