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London’s most exciting summer show! Soho Theatre, 24th June. Special price, only 7.50GBP. CHRISTEENE – plus bar and DJs. http://bit.ly/1s82kWg
From 9pm, show 9.30-10.30pm Come join us. Book here, use “brangit”: http://bit.ly/UbH9Uz
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“This is the new rockstar lifestyle. Bono does it. The question is: do you go to the Grammys or to Davos?
– will.i.am
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 12.06.14 ISSUE 694
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* How Kanye payrolls
* Time to sod off, Sepp
* Charts: Ella Henderson is no. 1
>> Against the grain <<
High society superfoods
Some things in life are beyond parody. The Guardian, for example. At a drinks party to celebrate their Sustainable Business Awards they served guests espresso martinis. But they weren’t made with Vladivar or Smirnoff or any socially dubious Russian vodka.
No. The drinks were made with FAIR vodka: “The world’s first vodka made from Fairtrade quinoa”.
FYI: A big winner at their awards? The CEO of Unilever.
FYI2: Unilever signed a “seven-figure” partnership with Guardian News & Media to do “branded content” centred on sustainable living.
Wondering what Daniel Bedingfield was up to? Well, he just co-wrote last week’s number one, by Second City!
>> Kim-flam <<
Celebrity circlejerk
In her column for OK! this week, Girls Aloud’s Kimberley Walsh was writing about her surprise at having read a number of stories in the press about her offering relationship advice to former bandmate, Cheryl Cole.
She doesn’t mention any titles by name in the column, so where, oh where, did these fabricated stories appear? Strangely enough, it was Story of the Week in OK!’s sister magazine, New!
Football presenter James Richardson is a big fan of Color Me Badd.
>> Bad Abbott <<
Diane phones in appearance
At Hay Festival this year there was a panel discussion entitled “When Women Rule”, about getting more women in business. One of the panellists was MP Diane Abbott. Who no doubt did a great deal for the cause by sitting on the stage texting and doing her emails on her phone whenever she wasn’t the one talking.
Vince Cable spotted at Bloomberg “stuffing his face at the free buffet. He couldn’t get it in quick enough.”
>> Big Questions <<
Who wants to know what?
This pop star’s new single and comeback is inevitably accompanied by a camera-friendly new man, so why are so many same-sex-love rumours circulating?
In light of the huge celebrity boycott, is Philip Green still living in the Dorchester Hotel?
Cockwatching at New Terminal 2 Heathrow: “Heston Blumenthal, last Wednesday. Circumcised, no discernible shaft. In fact, exactly as you would imagine.”
>> Orange is the new sacked <<
Just how Kanye West payrolls
Looking for an easy job where you don’t have to do much work?
Simple. All you need to do is get on Kanye West’s payroll, then turn up for work wearing a brightly coloured outfit, or look him straight in the eye and say hi.
Apparently Kanye hates these two things so much, that he will have you sacked for it. Except you can’t
(legally) sack someone for wearing, say, an orange T-shirt. So you get to stay on the payroll, and are just told to stay out of his way when he’s around so he doesn’t find out. Bingo!
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“Want to know Ryan Gosling’s five fave things? Or why Scar Jo loves her little black Dior dress? Now you can. Ask your favourite celebrities to join Booodl and start telling the world about their things. We’ll do the rest:
https://booodl.com/ask
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>> Savoy circus <<
Extraordinary royal tosh
Evening Standard proprietor Evgeny Lebedev loves nothing more than to chum up to royalty. Even when that royalty hasn’t actually occupied a recognised throne for the best part of eighty years – like some bloke called Emanuele Filiberto, who received a massive double page puff-piece this week:
“He should be ruling his country but instead HRH Emanuele Filiberto of Savoy has landed in London to conquer our film industry.”
Alex Ferguson has made almost three million quid from selling his wine collection in the last month.
>> Botney 4 Bono <<
“Nice to hear from U2”
Mr X writes:
“Was just thinking about your story last week about the rumour that the BBC canned a programme on U2’s tax affairs.
“Bono and Alan Yentob are close friends. When I was producing at the BBC, Alan would wait until you walked into the office to say to his assistant, “Get me Bono on the phone.” He would then proceed to have the entire conversation in front of you, at the end of which he would hang up and say, ‘That was Bono.'”
******** MINI BIT ON WORLD CUP **********
Fancy making some money? New customers to Coral, this is great: “Brazil to wear yellow shirts tonight” Brazil, who wear yellow shirts, at home, first game of the world cup….? Bet a tenner, at 2-1 it’s a no-brainer.
http://bit.ly/1qyGfM6
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>> Sod off, Sepp <<
The right sort of pay-off
After the fortnight he’s had, you’d think Sepp Blatter would be glad he was coming to the end of his term as FIFA president. But he wants to stay on until 2019, if the FIFA members (ie, his mates) ‘ask’ him.
Surely Sepp’s time is up? Seeing as money is the only language Blatter understands, we decided to get behind this campaign to try to pay him off. All they need is one pound from you, and they’ll make him an offer he’ll find hard to refuse…
******** Mini World Cup Bit Ends *********
Sport and betting gurus Citibet have switched from magazine to online – back just in time for the World Cup:
http://bit.ly/citibet
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>> RIPrick <<
Haunting words
In all the tributes to Rik Mayall, we couldn’t help but find this passage terribly sad, on his regret at falling out with Ade Edmondson over turning down the chance to do a new series of Bottom last year:
“Ade said we weren’t old enough to be mad, old bastards – but if we leave it another 10 years, how the fuck are we going to do anything?”
The perils of anti-doping in sport. Mark Cavendish had a urine test this week – after a dinner of asparagus.
>> Popbits <<
Going Dutch, again
The music industry’s hot tip for a summer smash is Oliver Heldens’ Gekko. With the addition of Becky Watson’s vocals on to the teenage Dutch DJ’s club-hit instrumental it’s expected to be a big comeback for Pete Tong’s legendary house label, FFRR.
FYI: Another brilliant summer tune is this Record of the Day choice:
http://bit.ly/UvBPv9
SR writes: “Re Mariella Frostrup being rude, I disagree. I attended the BAFTAs as a ‘seat filler’, was sat next to her, and she kindly said ‘hello’ to me.”
>> Hmms <<
Kilmer, cake, guns
Another cute addition to our collection of toilet signs – from Cafe Nirvana in Hong Kong:
http://bit.ly/1wli1J7
Val Kilmer as Mark Twain, dancing in a lift:
http://bit.ly/1s7Mafz
Why can’t designers decide on a share icon?
http://bit.ly/1l3QzMP
Summer pop-up shop by the canal at Hackney Wick – right by Crate Brewery – for all your tiki needs!
http://bit.ly/1xNiggU
Fancy watching John Carpenter’s classic They Live on the big screen? With beer? And swearing? Details here:
http://bit.ly/1pLOvIN
“Last year I was involved with a war room for World Baking Day.” Does any press about PRs not make them look like absolute tools?
http://bit.ly/1hLw5rd
How do insurgents celebrate the overthrow of Mosul. With cake!
http://bit.ly/1ogFeuR
Last week, a huge octopus disrupts traffic on Oxford Circus. This week, dancers:
http://bit.ly/1l4aJGc
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Thanks to: L, SR, FL, BH, SG, M, AP, monstris, S, LH, AM, JT
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Old Jokes Home:
I like apostrophes… even though they can be possessive.
Still Bored:
Musicmix, who did that brilliant Indian covers mix last year, are back with a Rio soundtrack:
http://bit.ly/1jXge2Z
