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|_| |_|19.02.15 ISSUE 726
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* Throwing shades with Sophie EB
* Remembering TroughMan
* Charts: Ellie G is still no 1
>> Minor keys <<
Prison guards: be warned
Before he was a weatherman, Britain’s latest celebrity paedo, Fred Talbot was also known at Altringham School for another little trick – one that didn’t get discussed during his court case.
At the end of the day, Mr Talbot would walk out to his car carrying lots of books so that neither of his hands were free. He’d then ask one of the boys to reach into his trouser pocket to retrieve his keys for him and unlock his car.
Delighted to see Liverpool Echo send our old friend to cover Fred Talbot’s verdict: Mr Wayne Ankers.
>> Big Question <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which ex-Hollyoaks cast member has a very strange sense of loyalty? He will cheat on his wife, but only with women who look exactly like her.
Australia Eurovision – Dannii and Kylie say it’s not going to be them.
>> Dead ringer <<
Lauren is no CGI fake
Ralph Lauren made a surprise visit to his London offices last week, dispelling the strongly-circulated company rumour that Ralph had died.
The rumour had gathered a fair bit of steam when very few people could recall when they had last seen or heard from Ralph himself. Some of the staff had become so suspicious that a secondary, even stranger, rumour had started: that Ralph’s recent runway appearances had been faked with CGI effects.
The rumour that the splines for his CG model were based on Gollum can be put down to sheer nastiness, though.
Meat Loaf at Zurich Airport Arrivals this week, snowboard in hand, and a massive entourage.
>> Blake’s lively <<
Art imitating life
Noodly electro bedwetter James Blake, is remembered by friends at Goldsmiths for being a real mummy’s boy – still calling her Mummy when he was at university.
His post-uni image wasn’t helped when the rumour went round that he dumped his girlfriend because his record label thought he’d do better as an artist if he was single.
Bono and the Edge walk into a bar. The barman says, “Oh no, not you two!”
>> Sophie’s choice <<
Painted into a corner
We always thought rhombus faced singer Sophie Ellis Bextor could do no wrong. And this week we got a press release telling us that Sophie is the new face of Copper Blush.
A new make-up line, perhaps?
Or a strange expensive perfume?
Nope. It’s a paint. Dulux paint.
Her photo shoot for it was, apparently, “inspired by the coppery hues of Pre-Raphaelite muses and the film also includes a voiceover from Sophie as she recites a poem from the same era by Emily Dickinson”.
Oh, Sophie. You’re too good to be the spokesmodel for a paint.
Pharrell is publishing a kids book called ‘Happy’, filled with photos of children “celebrating what it means to be happy.”
>> Holden the front page <<
How to issue a privacy claim
We thought we’d seen it all from lawyers until we caught sight of the legal letter Amanda Holden sent round this week.
Her lawyers chastised various publications for “articles [claiming] that our client’s daughter was dressed as Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman and have suggested that she was dressed as a prostitute.”
Whatever could have caused such a misunderstanding? It couldn’t have been Amanda Holden herself publishing a photo on Twitter of her daughter in fancy dress with the caption: “1990’s day at Lexi’s school today. Julia Roberts ‘Pretty Woman'”
Amanda Holden did understand what Pretty Woman was about, didn’t she?
Some of the people who created bots to get Luisa Zissman her award win are suggesting that they helped Katie Price’s CBB triumph.
>> Leaks and troughs <<
A golden opportunity
“Following your story last week of a man getting pissed on in a bar. There was a legendary Sydney character, TroughMan, who sat in urinals of gay bars asking people to piss on him.
“I once worked on a radio show which offered a cash prize to a listener to take over as TroughMan for the night. Sadly, management and legal team wouldn’t allow it to happen.”
There’s going to be a movie based on Space Invaders.
>> Hmmms <<
Pets, wang, priest
Anyone fancy chipping in for a share of a Fiji Island? $125k and it’s shaped like a massive wang
Can 25 years of Oscars history predict the future? We go graph crazy:
Fascinating piece on how MP3s kill songs – and how you can hear the ghosts:
Actors, playing the parts they’ve always wanted – for art:
The writer of Pudsey The Dog, The Movie speaks out:
Hey, that money and time we’re spending on Twitter is good, isn’t it?
Ridley Scott’s Exodus – as reviewed by Princess Diana’s priest:
Thanks: NE, AW, AP, SG, bad_horsey, soapy_handerton, M, TM, GA, CA, theabominablehoman, car_snow_gin
and thanks to @Quickgag
Old Jokes Home:
Q/ Why do you see bags of white sugar everywhere but hardly any bags of brown sugar?
A/ Because Demerara.
In case you missed Peter Oborne’s resignation letter from Telegraph: