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“Ever since I wrote a song about dismembering men and eating them I’ve felt an intimidation factor” – Ke$ha
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 11.04.13 ISSUE 637
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* Maggie’s two fingers
* Sinitta’s tone issues
* Charts: Duke Dumont still number 1
>> Magic carpet chide <<
Cruise controls the climate
You know you’ve made it when you get to walk down your very own red carpet.
You know you’ve really made it when you get to walk down your very own red carpet and have a security guard following close by.
But you know you’ve absolutely made it when you get to walk down your very own red carpet and have a security guard who is carrying a portable heater to keep you warm – like Tom Cruise did at the Oblivion premiere in Dublin this week.
Yet more upset for the McAlpine family. Lady Judy and Sir William McAlpine’s missing Brazilian aardvark has been found dead in the forest close to their home.
>> Two fingers to Maggie <<
Whisky galore for Thatcher
A tabloid snapper who spent a lot of time at Westminster was quick to tell us his lasting memory of Maggie.
“I knew one of her doctors who was telling me he was having a job to stop her drinking too much whisky. He said she liked a glass with two fingers poured in, which sounded fine. Until he showed me she meant the small finger and thumb.”
m_s_n writes: “My dad worked on Mark Thatcher’s crumbling mansion. His master bathroom was clad almost entirely with mirrors. Every surface. Even the floor.”
>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking
Which newspaper had the rights to a book exposing Michael Jackson’s lifestyle back in the mid 90s but threats from his record label scared them off publishing?
This week’s Scandinavian lesson: Gåsfitter – in Norwegian means “goose fannies”.
>> For Fox sake <<
The digital engagement is off
lastminute.com founder Martha Lane-Fox has just become Baroness Lane-Fox of Soho. Someone set up a parody Twitter account to coincide with it. Lane-Fox was miffed. The account is now suspended.
Pfft – we thought her role as the government’s digital engagement guru was to get more people active online.
Dubstep and grime Radio 1 DJ MistaJam went to the same theatre group as Tom Archer from the Archers.
>> Rainbow connection <<
Nom det goes down under
In Sydney there was a rainbow road crossing in the Oxford Street area, the gay hub of the city. New South Wales’ new roads minister has just had the crossing asphalted over as it was claimed to be hazardous – due to people taking photos on it and blocking traffic.
It’s probably unrelated that he comes from a cabinet which is quite conservative and anti-gay marriage. It’s probably also unrelated that the road minister’s name is Duncan Gay.
Tiger Woods’ favourite day off activity is to go underwater speargun fishing.
>> What did I say, Roy? <<
There’s now two Bobby Robsons
Speaking about the alleged racist chants directed at Rio and Anton Ferdinand at the San Marino game, Roy Hodgson said “Of course I heard it. I’m not deaf.”
Which is weird, because when fans on the opposite stand to the benches started singing “There’s only one Bobby Robson”, Hodgson stood up and stepped forward, giving it the full overhead clap from corner flag to corner flag and a big thumbs up to the crowd…”
Almost as if he had misheard Robson’s name as his own.
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Sit back, and play Coral Bingo. Even if you don’t know much about online games, have a look to find out what’s happening and who’s playing: http://www.coral.co.uk/bingo?external
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>> Baked goods <<
Knives out in the cupcake world
Sex and The City favourites Hummingbird have been dethroned in recent times as queens of New York cupcakes by Baked By Melissa. But maybe things are starting to go their way again in the bakery wars.
Keen to look fashionable, the recent Game of Thrones launch party had Baked By Melissa in to cater dessert. It didn’t go quite to plan. Their cupcake rep seemed to be, well, baked. Screaming wildly when the cakes were brought out, she started wandering round, carving knife in one hand; leg of lamb in the other. She was swiftly ushered out and blackballed from other HBO events.
Complaints to BBC re Thatcher coverage: Approx 1/3 – too pro, 1/3 – too anti, 1/3 – too much.
>> It’s complicated <<
So good she did it twice
Avril Lavigne has a new song out. Despite being divorced and engaged to be married a second time, she’s still on that Complicated-era teen skater punk tip, as it’s called Here’s To Never Growing Up.
And while this one might have been co-written by her fiance, Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger, another thing that hasn’t changed much from that Complicated era… the sound. Have a listen:
http://bit.ly/10PhY8p
FYI: We can also hear A New England in it too…
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>> Tone deaf <<
Mixing desk mirth
An old sound engineer, seeing pap shops of Sinitta in the tabloids, started reminiscing about working with her on her singles. Eager to look like she was a proper musician type, Sinitta always had a lot to say to the techies in the recording studio. Whatever they did wasn’t quite good enough. “More tone,” she would say. “It needs more tone.”
So the sound engineer got a big label, marked it “TONE”, and put it next to one of the knobs on the mixing desk – but didn’t wire up that particular button to do anything. So whenever Sinitta requested “more tone”, they’d let her fiddle about with it until she was happy there was the right level of tone in her tracks.
Best quote from Tom Sizemore’s new book, on his affair with Liz Hurley, “She didn’t like tears – no Brits do. They’ve been bombed by the Nazis.”
>> Eurobits <<
Eurovision comes closer
Even when the music isn’t at its finest, the Eurovision always chucks up a few gems. Take, for example, the genuinely delightful story of Leonard Miron. Leonard was the Romanian Terry Wogan. He used to do commentary on the Romanian Eurovision. Now he’s working in a Barclays in Reading. And loving it:
http://bit.ly/11OuOVB
Elsewhere, Denmark’s Emmelie de Forest has grabbed headlines by claiming to be a descendant of Queen Victoria’s. Someone very interested in Royal lineage is taking that claim to task:
http://bit.ly/10QnNlC
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If you’re in London, there are two top Eurovision parties coming up:
1. Eurofest: Fri 19 April. Six hours of Eurotastic tracks plus special live act at the Vauxhall Tavern:
http://www.eurofest.org.uk/
2. London Eurovision Party: Sun 21 April Shadow Lounge, Soho – performances by Denmark, Austria, Belarus, Ukraine, San Marino, Latvia. Malta, Greece and Finland!
http://londoneurovision.com/
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>> Hmmms <<
Alpacas, Grohl, voodoo
Viktor Hertz rock pictogram t-shirt collection:
http://bit.ly/10JOd7B
Dave Grohl’s speech from South by Southwest:
http://bit.ly/10NPA57
“The decision to acknowledge Lady Thatcher, but not Attlee, makes the Queen appear partisan”. Good commentary:
http://bit.ly/ZJlRyY
One reason why football hasn’t been queuing up for the minute’s silence…
http://bit.ly/16UkydO
Ryan Gosling’s new movie, The Place Beyond the Pines, is in cinemas Fri 12 April. Find out more:
http://on.fb.me/XENisg
Club Kid Michael Alig is due out of prison before too long. In the meantime, the film Party Monster is now on iTunes:
http://bit.ly/10VvCUH
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So how did the Grand National stats work? Not bad, is the answer:
* Horse was aged 11 (not 9/10)
* But was a brown boy horse, weight below 11st 7, won a race over 3k, no recent important form but shown form on a left-handed course (Ayr).
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Thanks to: AM, Dom Kaos, TB, JS, AP, BM, Taxi, JB, M, mountstnobody, JS, PB, JT
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Old Jokes Home:
At the cemetery the other day, I saw these pallbearers carry a coffin around and around for three hours.
I thought “They’ve lost the plot.”
Still Bored:
Seattle Aquarium has an otter cam up and live:
http://bit.ly/10FBuEu