Olive’s Queif

“If anyone has sex, I don’t care. But my dad is in the industry and I have to respect the fact that anything that comes at me will also be coming at him” – Dani Dyer

Vice’s new CEO, Nancy Dubuc, started her job this week and has already got everyone’s backs up.

We’re not sure what’s irked the writers most. That she’s been describing their company as a “punky upstart”? That she’s hung a motivational neon sign in her office, which reads “Who Dares Wins” (a slogan she says “seems to capture the spirit of the company”)?

Or, most likely, the long introductory email she sent out to all staff – which was written entirely in Comic Sans.

Documentary maker Michael Moore has announced his intention to take aim at Roseanne Barr in his upcoming project.

It’s a shame when friendships like theirs break down as, once upon a time, the two of them were best buds. They were very politically aligned too, as they both flew around the US on a private jet together trying to stop Bush from getting elected for a second term in 2004.

Of course, two blue-collar heroes like Mike and Roseanne would never dream of splashing out on a private jet for themselves. No, sir. That was provided for them by… Harvey Weinstein!

Which of the performers at this weekend’s All Points East festival got a much better reception than she did on a previous visit to London? After taking the hump with staff at the since-closed HMV on Oxford Street during an appearance there many years back, she left a juicy protest turd on the floor of the staff toilets.

Someone really needs to find David Beckham a job. He’s spent a lot of this week posting things on Instagram that have been getting him in mild trouble. As well as laughing at his wife on the treadmill, Becks has been making jokes about his dog’s hair.

He shared a photo with the caption: “What’s going on with Olives queif?”

While David is likely to have meant “quiff”, if you’re not au fait with the Urban Dictionary definition of his version (more commonly spelled “queef”), you’ll soon see why he took it down…

[The semi-NSFW definition is here]

The news that Meghan Markle will have to undergo six months of “Duchess training” at the behest of the Queen has put a slight dampener on the notion that she is going to be a modernising influence on the Royals.

That said, now that Meghan’s around, the chances of Prince Andrew continuing to blithely use the sort of Enid Blyton-era slang he’s still so fond of (including the infamous “woodpile” figure of speech that got Tory MP Anne Marie Morris in so much trouble last year) are a little slimmer at least.

It’s a shame that Ralph & Russo (the designers that were rumoured to be creating Meghan Markle’s dress for the royal wedding) didn’t get the gig in the end, as their origin story is one of the best we’ve heard.

Before they teamed up, Michael Russo ran a small start-up. One of the staff there was an Aussie called Glen who was sleeping on Russo’s couch.

When another Aussie came to join (Tamara Ralph), Russo also offered her a place to crash. It only took a few days before Glen started to grumble about this newcomer, complaining about what a bitch she was and insisting that she had to go.

Things hit boiling point one morning when Glen burst into the office in an almighty fury, screaming to Russo about what had just happened back at the flat. Glen was so sick of her smoking in their shared space that he took Ralph’s cigarettes and threw them out the window.

Ralph’s response to this? She bit him.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

Goldie being found guilty of assault and fined for scrapping with bouncers at Glastonbury comes as no surprise. He’s always been a spiky wee radge.

In the early 00s, Goldie was signed up to have his official online presence hosted by Trust The DJ. The arrangement required him to tell them all his news first so that they could be the official channel to release it.

So when they found out about his return to EastEnders through a news story on the BBC website, their artist liaison sent Goldie a politely worded email reminding him of their contract, pointing out that they’d paid a bucketload of cash for exactly this sort of thing – and if he wasn’t going to play by the rules then they’d have to start looking at ways to recover it.

Goldie promptly showed up at the company’s office, shoved the letter in the liaison’s face and told him in no uncertain terms that if he ever sent him a letter like that again, he would burn their office to the ground.

“He said “cunt”, “fuck” and “shit”. That was it for the interview.

“What a charmer.”

If Google and Uber and others really have signed a secret multi-million pound deal with George Osborne for favourable coverage in the Evening Standard, they’re going to want to keep a keen eye on what they get for their money.

WACL – the ad industry organisation comprised of adland’s senior women executives, ‘thought leaders’ and spokespeople – hosted an event called Gather on May 24th and ran an ad in the Evening Standard hoping to attract more women “with ambition in communications and marketing”.

An ad which ran in the paper the day after the event.

Yesterday was World Otter Day and the internet went crazy as ever for cute pics of our mustelid friends.

Vancouver Aquarium wins our award for best photo [see here] although Toronto Zoo takes a solid second place [see here].

The only bone we have to pick is with the BBC. For while they got into the spirit of things by compiling a long thread on what makes sea otters “fascinating little creatures“, they rather brushed over the sea otters’ notorious sexual predilections. Not only have sea otters been known to shag their partners to death in rather violent mating rituals, some have also been spotted killing baby seals, stashing their corpses and banging them for up to a week postmortem.

And if anyone should know the problems that stem from brushing over behaviour like this, it’s the BBC.

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After months of being pestered by a fan to cover Africa, Weezer relented – but not before taking on another Toto hit first
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