Playing The Picasso Classic

The latest lockdown flouter to be unmasked is Dean Gaffney, who reportedly broke with government guidance to attend a two-day bacchanal in Huddersfield where 40 people were gakking and shagging up a storm, clearly unfazed by the threat of Covid.

We can’t say we’re surprised to see Gaffney being so cavalier about his and others’ health and wellbeing. We’ve alluded in past issues to stories of an ex-EastEnders star who supposedly dabbled in a bit of impromptu puke-play in the bedroom after overindulging on a date. Risking widespread contagion in order to get your kicks seems like a bit of an escalation though.

Since it was announced that Emily Sheffield will be taking over from George Osborne in the editor’s chair at the Evening Standard, many people have been quick to point out the clear David Cameron connection: Dave’s sister-in-law taking over from his former chancellor.

But this ignores the fact that George and Emily are friendly in their own right. The night before rumours about George’s future at the ES started circling in earnest, the two of them were seen dancing very closely with one another in the back room of the Chiltern Firehouse.

So closely, in fact, it made their choice of song seem unfortunately apt.

Into The Groove.

As the season is restarting, which football manager likes to provide his own third-person commentary during sex, saying things like “[X] wants to be sucked” or, rather quaintly, “[X] is enjoying himself”?

Leigh Francis has apologised to Craig David, Mel B, Trisha Goddard and the ghost of Michael Jackson for his Bo Selecta impressions, but if he’s atoning for his past behaviour he might want to send one to So Solid Crew too.

The night that So Solid Crew won a Brit Award for 21 Seconds, they were celebrating at an after party when Leigh bounded over to them with camera crew in tow. Wearing a toilet chain around his neck, he kept asking members of the band if he could join the crew and if he had the right bling.

Understandably unwilling to humour him, they told him to fuck off. When he didn’t, they started tossing their champagne glasses at him, sending him bounding over the velvet ropes and away.

The incident wasn’t broadcast but footage of it exists. It was sent to the group’s record label, to explain why they wouldn’t be invited onto Channel 4.

It’s always been the case that whenever we focus on an actor from the Doctor Who canon for more than a week, it isn’t long until a bit of smut rolls in – and we’re pleased to say that the tradition has held strong for Anthony Ainley.

A keen amateur photographer and cricket player, Ainley’s former team-mates remember that he would usually decline to partake of the traditional cricket teas in the club house on account of his dislike of cheese, choosing instead to eat his own little picnic in his car.

He wouldn’t always dine alone though. Sometimes he’d invite a team-mate or member of the opposition to join him and would pass the time by showing them the chunky photo album he kept of polaroids that he’d taken of various fannies over the years.

Last week we linked to a Daily Record article about some anti-swan graffiti that had appeared on a bin in Edinburgh – accompanied by an outstanding picture of an aggrieved swan reading it.

As many of you seemed to like it, we’ve had an update from a Popbitch reader who lives nearby. The original graffiti has been painted over, but a second – arguably better – piece has since reappeared.

[See it here]

As lockdown trundles on and the weather has gone and got all grey, we’re continuing to bring a ray of light into inboxes each afternoon for those who want it.

This last week has seen some great stories about Brian Harvey’s Our Price largesse, Blazin’ Squad’s work experience, and Ewan McGregor failing to outshine Scarborough’s premier Elvis impersonator – all of which we don’t have space to revisit here.

But our sign up page doubles as a daily archive, so you still have a chance to catch up on it all if you want.

[Catch up/sign up here]

Over the weekend, we asked readers of the daily edition about celebrities’ karaoke songs of choice, which reminded one reader about a time they were at a karaoke bar in Clapham a few years ago.

They had a private room and were watching a friend merrily sing the theme from Baywatch when who should walk in but Katherine Jenkins – who grabbed the mic and started belting it out herself.

The friend was pretty pissed off to be upstaged like that, but Katherine smoothed matters over by posing for pictures with those who asked.

And then meticulously checked everyone’s camera rolls before she left.

To mark the re-opening of shops in England on Monday, we asked readers to tell us about any unusual transactions they’d had with celebrity customers.

SH writes:
“I worked in Selfridges back in 1999. One night the Beckhams came in for an hour of private browsing after closing. They also had David’s sister Louise with them who had to actually pay for everything they bought.

“Apparently (according to Louise) D&V’s signatures were too valuable to be added to sales receipts.”

Take a virtual drive around a city while listening to its local radio station
[Drive & Listen]

The Simpsons’ joke “Lee Carvello’s Putting Challenge” is now a real life game
[Play it here]

A blonde racoon eating cherries
[See on Twitter]

Joy Division x Hot 8 Brass Band
[Listen on YouTube]

The mystery of Elmo’s dad
[Read on MEL]

Haddaway, arranged for lute and maiden
[Another medieval cover]

Still Bored?
A Simon Cowell Choose Your Own Adventure game
[Play on Twitter]