Preparing The Royal Growler

DO STUFF have opened a second acclaimed Escape Room at The Grove in Battersea, London SW11 – ‘Pie & Mash’. It’s a great (and different) way to have fun with friends or colleagues and Popbitch readers get 45% off with the code POPBITCH45OFF. Book yourself in here:

https://www.dostuffescapegames.com

“I just wanna make sure I keep giving you motherfuckers something to talk about” – Britney Spears

Free newsletter every Thursday subscribe

Email stories to us hello@popbitch.com

* Goodbye again, England’s Rose

* Joss Whedon’s mammoth sex web

* Charts: Taylor Swift for No.1

>> Buff-diving <<

Fuck trees of the famous

The recent news about Joss Whedon’s rampant shagging caught us slightly on the back foot, so we’ve been a bit slow to compile the list of all the co-stars and colleagues he’s supposedly porked. These are the runners and riders we’ve heard linked so far:
Long-standing affairs (“Riders”)

– Clare Kramer

– Julie Benz

– Kali Rocha

– Alexandra Breckinridge
One-off/short term shots (“Runners”)

– Alyson Hannigan

– Amy Adams

– Ashanti

– Rachel Bilson
Apparently he tried the old casting couch routine with Clea DuVall too, but she kicked him in the cock for his efforts. He still gave DuVall the part though as he was impressed by the way she handled herself.

Joey Barton has just had his membership application for the Royal Mid-Surrey golf club rejected because of his criminal record.

>> Shirty Sanchez <<

Out on his Arsenal

Alexis Sanchez has been touted around the big clubs of Europe by his people as far back as the second half of last season, but the wage demands were so big that no-one bit. Until now, that is. With a few hours to go on deadline day, Man City are said to be keen to land him.
But the prime movers in this transfer don’t seem to be Sanchez and his agent. Or even Pep Guardiola and Manchester City. It’s the rest of the Arsenal team. Sanchez has become so unpopular with his teammates that some of them have now made it very clear to club bosses that they want him out today.

Instead of a musical ringtone, Sir David Tang’s phone had the voice of a butler asking “Excuse me, sir, but I’m afraid there is someone endeavouring to contact your telephone. Shall I tell them to fuck off?”

>> Big Questions <<

Who was asking what 20 years ago?

Which news team sent a couple of reporters to the building where Diana’s body was being housed pre-funeral? They tried to gain access by posing as gas workers responding to a call about a leak, but were sent on their way by security – and then tailed.

Sky Ferreira’s mum drives for Uber. According to someone who took a trip with her from Marina del Rey to LAX last week, she was “very nice and professional”.

>> A Pricey affair <<

For richer or poorer

Katie Price is currently doing the rounds, claiming she’s about to split with her third husband Kieran Hayler because she found emails that prove he’s been having an affair with their nanny. However, in an interesting twist, the nanny has responded saying that the emails she sent Kieran are about how Katie owes her thousands of pounds in backpay.
One of them is stiffing the nanny, that much we know – but who?
We’ve spoken before about Katie’s money troubles and how she was extremely sluggish at paying costs for the huge court case she waged against Peter Andre and Claire Powell last year. What we didn’t say at the time was that she was actually facing an insolvency petition; in debt to the tune of about £2m (mainly in legal costs, but not solely).
She’s managed to stave off the debtors so far, but we really can’t see how a third divorce is going to help matters. Unless she’s got a very rich husband number four already lined up…

*** GOODBYE AGAIN, ENGLAND’S ROSE ***
The Popbitch Tribute To Princes Diana

>> Ready and Willing <<

Preparing the Royal growler

Diana was, by most accounts, quite a needy girlfriend. After the initial excitement of hanging out with the Princess wore off, Will Carling found her constant attention quite grating.
One night she kept booty calling him, but he was trying to put her off as he had friends over. In the end he got tired of the calls and, egged on by his buddies, he told her she could only come round if she “shaved her growler for him”.
Thinking that would be the end of it, Carling went back to his evening. The phone rang again.
“I’ve done it. Now can I come round?”

Diana would often leave multiple messages on Hasnat Khan’s answerphone while he was in surgery, under the name “Dr Armani”.

>> Picture perfect <<

“Smile and say ‘bitch’!”

Diana’s biographers say that the paparazzi’s big trick with Diana was to continually call her a bitch while they were taking her picture so that she’d look angry, or sad, or (ideally) start crying.
A pretty grim tactic, but what’s interesting is that ‘bitch’ is the word that Diana herself often chose to say when having her photo taken. She said she always found it left her mouth in a more alluring shape than saying ‘cheese’ did.

Diana’s alma mater, West Heath, used to mingle with public school Tonbridge for socials. Word is that Di was always a dead cert for a quick feel behind the Fives court.

>> Basket case <<

Diana, Queen of Shops

chazbaps365 writes:

“Princess Di used to shop reasonably regularly in Sainsbury’s on the Cromwell Road. Although she had a couple of security men in tow, she’d always carry her own wire shopping basket. I accidentally trod on her foot once when I worked there and we both came round a corner at the same time. She was buying cheese puffs, edam and sparkling water that day.”

20 years on and still the greatest conspiracy the internet ever produced: Did Morrissey kill Diana? http://dianamystery.com/

>> In limbo <<

Di after death

And where is Diana now, twenty years on? Looking down on us from heaven? Not according to her former priest, she isn’t.
Despite all the good work she did clearing landmines, comforting AIDS patients and embarrassing the monarchy, Father Frank Gelli doesn’t think Diana made it to the Pearly Gates. In fact, he believes she’s probably still having her soul purified in purgatory, ascending the “Seven-Storey Mountain between Heaven and Earth” thanks to her many affairs.
Tough crowd, the clergy.

Want to help a rough sleeper off the streets before winter? Homelessness never takes a holiday, so the time to act is now. Connection at St Martins is doing some amazing work – and you can help. (Go on. Do it for Diana…)

[Find out how at The Connection]

>> Shitstorm <<

Fox’s number two

Tensions are rising in the Murdoch family. James’s outspoken statement about Trump’s Nazi-coddling while Rupert continues to act as informal advisor to the White House will no doubt bring a world of shit to his feet. Luckily for James, he has an impressive capacity for that sort of thing.
One of James’s contemporaries at Harvard used to clean dormitory bathrooms on campus to make some extra cash. He says that James’s bathroom was regularly the messiest he tended.

Nominative Determinism Of The Week: The Director of Marketing for McDonald’s NY region is called… Zoe Hamburger!

>> RIP Brucie <<

Nice to see you; to see you…

A Popbitch mole who bumped into Bruce Forsyth’s ex-wife and Generation Game co-star Anthea Redfern at a soiree in Puerto Banus a few years back felt they had to ask Anthea the truth. What did she really see in Bruce Forsyth.
Her reply?
“Simple. He was hung like a fucking horse, darling”.

This week’s Media Masters podcast: Anita Jacoby. An in-depth interview about the state of Australian media, its blokey culture and her role as media regulator.

[Listen/download at Media Focus]

>> Hmmms <<

Rudeness, nudeness, Rolf

Rick Astley went full Paul Danan when performing with the Foo Fighters

[Watch on YouTube]Alan Rusbridger: In Concert

[See on Second Home]”Cromer Carnival apologise for Rolf Harris stunt”

[Read on Eastern Daily Press]
Strange and weirdly beautiful VR experiment with the new LCD Soundsystem

[Try and join in]
Australian judge rules that it’s not officially illegal to call Tony Abbott a cunt

[Read on Sydney Morning Herald]
A brief history of Despacito

[Read on Vulture]
Local news of the week

[Read on Eastbourne Herald]

Thanks to: AS, LGW, RJ, DF, TM, JB, SK, JP, CC, HW, bobbi_fleckmann, maxbrooklynshaw, monstris

Old Jokes Home:

Q/ Why does Bryan Adams have a blue willy?

A/ Because he dipped it in DiStill Bored?

Last few tables for the next Popbitch Popquiz. Gossip, trivia, music and the filthiest arts and crafts round in London. Tuesday 5th Sept, 7:30pm, Smiths of Smithfield

[Reserve your table and buy your tickets here]

Fancy Another?