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“It’s taken me until 40 to get my head out of my ass” – Gwyneth Paltrow
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|_| |_|14.01.15 ISSUE 721
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* Wealdstone Raider: the sequel
* The Last Shit with Jimmy Nail
* Uptown Funk will still be No 1
>> Handy Andy <<
Prince’s rough trade mission
Back when Prince Andrew was a business ambassador for the government, he went on a trade mission to Kazakhstan for a big energy firm. Fellow members of the mission remember him most for his translator.
a) The translator was female
b) The translator was young
c) Weirdly, the translator didn’t know a lot of English so couldn’t translate much.
FYI: Andrew’s nickname on the trip (out of earshot) was Mr Tickle. Apparently everyone was pleased to escape his “party hands”.
David De Gea’s girlfriend is Spain’s Eurovision entry.
>> Big Question <<
Who wants to know what?
Just who is putting around the rumour that Vladimir Putin has a love child in Berlin?
Also, how about the one saying Evening Standard boss, Evgeny Lebedev, is about to announce impending fatherhood?
And who will be left to write the Evening Standard now they’ve sacked most of their best journalists?
Mel C is a judge on the new Asia’s Got Talent.
>> Raider: the sequel <<
Do you want some more?
“Bumped into the Wealdstone Raider again at the weekend. He told me the good news that his Christmas song made forty grand for his three charities (Great Ormond Street, Autism Concern and Wealdstone FC Youth).
“The bad news is that he’s making a follow up single, called Do You Want Some More? Tiny little man. Handshake like a dying bird.”
Richard Dawkins’ wife was overheard telling someone that she reads his books to him to help him sleep.
>> The Ex Files <<
Spooky goings on in the Xmas vacation of the Duchovny family. Tea Leoni told Pagesix that she was off to Turks & Caicos islands to join her ex, David Duchovny and children for the holidays – a story that was circulated pretty much everywhere around the internet. But that hasn’t stopped two other rumours from gaining currency since then.
One: that she wasn’t there at all, and only told the gossip column that to try and keep up the pretence that they still get on well when actually they often need mediators to help them communicate.
And two, that the vacation that Gillian Anderson said she took with her kids at Christmas was at the very same resort (Grace Bay) as Duchovny.
Are the Mulder-Scully shippers on to something?
If the truth is out there, email us at [email protected].
Louise from Sleeper is teaching people how to write novels. (It’ll set you back 3k though.)
>> The last shit <<
Avoiding the portaloos
Sting’s Broadway musical, The Last Ship, about being a young Sting, is closing next week. Who’d have thought that a musical about a North-East England shipbuilders’ yard wouldn’t quite take the American east coast by storm?
Until he stepped on to the stage to play himself, Sting was played by Jimmy Nail.
One thing we know about Jimmy Nail is that he has a fear of using portaloos. Which must have made filming Auf Wiedersehn Pet tricky.
Meghan Trainor says her nickname at school was ‘Singer Girl’. Must have been an exciting school…
>> Booted into touch <<
England in the World Cup
We’re always told it’s not easy being an England footballer. You have to go through all that pain and abuse for nothing more rewarding than the pride of wearing the shirt.
Mind you, it’s not without its perks. Quite a few of the England squad in the World Cup were on bonuses from their boot manufacturers. Every time they played, they got a nice little extra in their bank account. Top of the pile? Wayne Rooney, on a cool 100k bonus for each game played.
Phil Collins’ 13 year old son Nick is already drumming in a band.
>> App-y New Year! <<
Je Suis Brian Harvey
Something extra to read this weekend? Popbitch’s first magazine of 2015 is out now – featuring:
* Marty Singer: The man who’s got Bill Cosby’s back
* The Cost Of The Closet: We look at the economics of gay pop stars
* Crap Sri Lankan astrology!
* A farewell to Sarah Palin’s sexy double
* The CBB star who can piss into their own mouth, and much much more…
Download it for iPad/iPhone:
Download it for Android: