Pump Up The Pearl Jam

Channel 4 had a belated Christmas party last month at which they chose to screen part of the extremely unfestive documentary about Michael Jackson’s alleged sex abuses, Leaving Neverland.

It’s not exactly the type of film that inspires a massive party mood, but the disco playlist they stuck on afterwards helped buck people’s spirits back up – at least for a couple of hours.

Until who should crop up on shuffle but… Michael Jackson!

You’d think that someone who titled their debut album ‘Divinely Uninspired To A Hellish Extent’ would be able to extend that eloquence when talking to the ladies – but it sounds like Lewis Capaldi’s patter could do with a little refining.

One woman who made his acquaintance at a Brits afterparty last week was met with a simple “Awright, shagger?”, before he nodded down at her tits and then stumbled off.

Which cricketing legend has such strong opinions on female commentators in his sport that he’s taken to privately messaging women on Twitter to tell them (at length unsuited to a microblogging platform) exactly why they’re wrong?

Those waiting to hear what will happen at Chanel following the death of Karl Lagerfeld might be waiting a little while yet.

A hairdresser who was once called in to work on one of Chanel’s shows during Lagerfeld’s reign found himself face-to-face in a meeting with the man himself, who was due to give out his final instructions for the catwalk’s look. Midway through explaining his grand vision, Karl fell asleep. The hairdresser asked what they should do. The answer came, “We wait.”

So everyone sat in silence for 40 minutes waiting for Karl to emerge from his slumber, whereupon he picked things back up exactly where he left off.

Now that he’s a signed-up company man, Virgin’s new golden boy Chris Evans was wheeled in to the News UK offices recently to give a rallying speech to staff there.

Attempting to pep people up after all the brutal headlines about the Sun losing £91m in a year, Evans (who recently joined the Murdoch stable as part of a multi-million pound radio deal) was brought in by Rebekah Brooks to show the assembled workers that the company was in good spirits and headed in the right direction.

Which buoyed them up for all of five minutes. Before Brooks then announced there would be massive job cuts at the Sun to safeguard the business.

What’s Janine Gibson up to now that she’s stepped down from the editor’s chair at BuzzFeed? If any TV companies are looking to snap her up, we hear she’s a very dedicated worker.

Back in her university days, it seems she practically had to be dragged back to her studies one term because she’d found a job that she really loved at Tyne Tees TV – doing extra work on Byker Grove.

One of the most read stories on the Popbitch site this month was an old one where we examined the evolution of those Prince/Marilyn Manson urban legends (the ones where they supposedly had ribs removed in order to nosh themselves off) to see why they became so widespread.

The history behind these sorts of well-known celebrity myths are often pretty interesting in their own right. So this week we decided to look into another: the infamous rock star/dog spunk/stomach pump story.

Is it actually possible to fill your gut so full of sperm that you require urgent medical attention? And if not, why does everyone seem to know the story?

[Read ‘A Doggy Shag Tale’ on Popbitch]

Further to our story of a few weeks ago, it appears that Ian McShane has got longstanding debts all over town.

Someone who worked at the Portobello Gold pub in Notting Hill in the mid-80s tells us that Ian was a regular back then. He’d always come in dressed like Lovejoy (tight jeans, white T-shirt, black leather jacket) and it delighted the landlord and landlady so much that they let him run up quite a sizeable tab.

However, shortly after the amount he owed hit the £250 mark (about £750 in today’s money) he disappeared to Hollywood to film a straight-to-video movie – and never returned to settle up.

R writes:
“A young Ben Elton used to babysit me from time to time. After one arduous shift where he mainly had to watch the telly and tell me to go back to bed, my dad came in from the pub somewhat tired and emotional. Ben tapped him up for a tenner which the wobbly old man produced.

“Ben left for London shortly after and dad never did see that money. His every appearance on the TV would be greeted by my dad with the words ‘That’s that twat who owes me a tenner!'”

We were originally going to use this slot to talk about the absolute shitblitz surrounding Ukraine’s Eurovision selection process – but they formally withdrew from the competition yesterday, rendering the whole thing slightly moot.

So instead we’re going to draw your attention to Hatari – this year’s most interesting act. Although they’re currently the hot favourites to win Iceland’s national final Söngvakeppnin this weekend, we don’t want you missing out on this amazing BDSM electro-horror show if their nomination somehow gets nixed.

[You might want headphones for this]

Mick Cave and the Good Seeds have some competition for best named gardener…
[Visit Peonys Envy]

Ryan Giggs’ mansion is for sale and it’s quite some style he’s got going on there
[See the listing]

Dystopian joy from Kim Halliday’s Unpleasantville Volume 1
[Dance along to the sound of the Air Attack Warning]

Minipops rides again!
[See on BBC Scotland]

A supercut of Bill and Ted saying ‘Dude’
[Watch on YouTube]

Detective Pikachu trailer #2 – somehow even trippier than before
[See on YouTube]

Big savings of up to 50% on sex toys and lingerie at Lovehoney’s Big Brand Bonanza sale – on now until March 11th.
[Check them out at Lovehoney]

Still Bored?
This week’s Media Masters podcast is an interview with James Wildman, CEO of Hearst UK – the publisher behind such big-name magazines like Elle, Esquire, Cosmopolitan and Harper’s Bazaar.
[Listen/Download on Media Masters]