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“I am, and always have been, the father of Paul Nuttall” – Paul Nuttall’s father
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* Shane Warne’s pissy breakfast
* Samantha’s second-hand trousers
* Charts: Ed Sheeran still No. 1
>> Walsh assembly <<
Celebrities in Westminster
The Lib Dems have been enjoying a recent uptick in new members, due in large part to pro-Europe voters feeling disillusioned with Labour’s stance on Brexit.
The fact that a big celebrity name dreams of standing as a Lib Dem candidate for parliament will only help to to accelerate their ascension, right?
Especially if that celebrity was a number one selling pop star, say. A star with one of 2016’s biggest-selling albums.
A star like… Bradley Walsh!
(Wait. Come back.)
Last week we said that Vanessa Feltz was the only celebrity at Tara P-T’s album launch. Apologies. Apparently we failed to spot Paul McKenna.
>> Dido and Fido <<
Pets win surprises
Even stars who get off to the blandest of starts can go on to do things that properly delight us.
James Blunt started swearing on Twitter. Gary Lineker got woke and started fighting the Daily Mail. Charlotte Church now runs a gig night where she performs pop songs in dive bars and dungeons.
So we have our fingers and toes crossed that the news we heard earlier this week is true. We’re told that Dido recently got herself a puppy, a King Charles Spaniel that she’s named… Fido.
Judge Rinder spotted in the Black Axe Mangal kebab shop in Islington, stuffing his face “like a monster” and “hammering the water”.
>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking?
Which boyband star appears to have taken all the recent Trainspotting nostalgia a bit far and gone and got himself a bit of a taste for smack? He’s on the posh stuff, so he’ll probably be fine, but it’s no little thing…
Company Wayne McGregor & Paris Opera Ballet have teamed up with Jamie xx and Olafur Eliasson to create Tree of Codes. See the result at Sadler’s Wells 4-11 March. http://bit.ly/2kMOYAA
>> Third degree spurns <<
Sheila F’s Indian summer
Sheila Ferguson of the Three Degrees is one of the celebs on the latest series of the BBC’s Real Marigold Hotel. Already she’s caught the eye of a well-to-do Indian gentleman who has asked her out for dinner.
He’s in for a fun evening, as Sheila’s not one to be coy about making demands.
At a cast meeting for a musical she was once in, she stood up and enquired “Which one of you faggots is going to fuck me then?”
Rag’n’Bone Man’s debut album is outselling the rest of the top 20 combined.
>> Hack attack <<
It’s bad for what Mail’s ya
Donald Trump’s election might have been good for news sites, but not so much for the people that write them. There was huge consternation at MailOnline on Trump’s inauguration day when their UK editor collapsed at his desk.
Though he’s now back at work, the relentless publishing rota at the Mail seems to be taking its toll on staff. Many have already cut and run for the relative peace and calm of the Sun (imagine…) and those who are left are trying to find a way out before they end up carried out on a gurney.
Yesterday (15th Feb) MailOnline published 2,056 posts on the site.
>> Return of Womack <<
The Game On carboot sale
News that Samantha Womack is already being lined up for this year’s Strictly may seem a touch premature, but now she’s been killed off in EastEnders she’ll be keen to secure some sort of income for herself.
Samantha has always been the cost-conscious type and used to make a bit of extra money in the 90s by selling off the clothes she wore on Game On – a habit of hers which resulted in a number of the crew being hauled into the production office to explain why all the branded and leather items were disappearing from wardrobe.
FYI: Samantha used the money to buy MAC make-up, which she kept hidden from her partner at the time.
David Hasselhoff’s dad served on the US Government’s advisory body in 1977 to set standards for the armoured car and security industry.
>> Pissy Paws, pt.3 <<
More of the Great Unwashed
We’ve been inundated with tales of celebrities who don’t wash their hands after using the loo.
This week: Shane Warne
“I was in an airline lounge at Heathrow and ended up having a piss at the same time as Shane Warne. He didn’t wash his hands and I was a little disappointed immediately after to see him help himself to a hash brown from the breakfast buffet wit his fingers.”
Piss-poor of the tabloids to still portray Andros Georgiou as the voice of George Michael’s family. Georgiou was ostracised in 1997 for selling stories on George’s mother’s death.
>> What the Fox? <<
Like father, like Sun
As allegations of potentially illegal surveillance start to emerge from the Roger Ailes/Fox News sexual harassment case over in the States, the matter of phone-hacking still isn’t settled here in the UK.
As far as we can work out, there’s somewhere between 15-20 celebrities currently lined up to take civil cases against the Sun to court.
The biggest headache for the celebs and their teams at the minute is that a lot of the journalists who were bylined in the articles under question are no longer around. By some miraculous stroke of luck quite a few have since been offered jobs in the US, so don’t really fall under the UK court’s jurisdiction right now.
Robbie Williams has been out on the town celebrating his return to Take That. Presumably he knows he has at least two tabloid hacks tailing him?
>> Local issues <<
Scoops you may have missed
The international news cycle has been pretty crazy this last week, but it’s been a bumper stretch at a local level too.
NOTTINGHAM – Nottinghamshire Man Finds Biggest Ever Bran Flake In His Cereal Box:
OXFORD – Television Fan From Abingdon Issues Desperate Plea To Plug Gap In The Bill Box Set Collection:
KENT – Asda Bosses Forced To Take Canister Of Squirty Cream Off Shelves:
Nominative Determinism Of The Week: Aberdeen’s pre-eminent newspaper, the Press and Journal, has a new news editor… Shona Gossip.
>> Bad times <<
Michael’s mid-life crisis
When would you say that the famed sex-narrator and turd-hooverer Michael Gove was at his most embarrassing? When he tried his hand at comedy on Channel 4? When he performed an a cappella version of Wham Rap for a class full of kids?
Both were pretty excruciating, but he’s doing his level best to top them with his journalism. He wrote a serious article this week in the Times about school reform which contained the following sentence:
“It’s difficult to acknowledge when this cherished idea has all gone Pete Tong”.
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