******************************
Need a cleaner? Hassle.com helps match busy working professionals (just like you) with local, trusted cleaners. Find the right cleaner for you and book and pay for them via our online platform – nice and simple. So if you’re looking for a trusted, local cleaner in London, Leeds, Manchester or Birmingham for your home, check out Hassle.com today: http://ow.ly/yJpqu
******************************
“I love feeling that I’m strong because I have good women at my side” – Cheryl Cole
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| ‘_ \ / _ \| ‘_ \| ‘_ \| | __/ __| ‘_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 03.07.14 ISSUE 697
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to https://www.popbitch.com
To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com
* Chim just won’t quit
* Revisiting the Rev Goatboy
* Charts: Ariana and Iggy are no 1
>> Dodgi-ridoo <<
Doing the devil’s work
Rolf Harris hired Bell Pottinger to help protect his reputation during the trial. The PR firm – known for representing clients such as Asma al-Assad, Belarusian dictator Lukashenko, BAE and Trafigura – seem to be finding celebrity trials a rich seam of new business. They also signed up Rebekah Brooks and Oscar Pistorius.
Rolfing is a form of massage. “Rolfing offers a tactile, chemical-free practice that may be experienced by the client as beneficial to the whole person.”
>> Jim can’t fix this <<
Carr trouble in the Emirates
Seeing as it’s provided such a comfortable home to so many tax-avoiders, you’d have thought Jimmy Carr would have been welcomed to Dubai with open arms – but Dubai promoters are struggling to get a sponsor to cover his proposed shows out there.
It’s particularly strange, seeing as Jordan Belfort (the Wolf of Wall Street) gave a talk there a few weeks back, yet Carr is somehow too much. And it can’t be a question of taste, because Jim Davidson was playing there for years.
Perhaps the potential sponsors have confused Jimmy Carr with his rather more flamboyant Channel 4 co-star, Alan?
Jason Manford was refused entry to a swanky Dubai hotel restaurant last week for wearing shorts (and declined the trousers staff offered to lend him).
>> Big Questions <<
Who is asking what this week
Which member of the Harry Potter cast was recently overheard referring to one of their fellow former castmates as “that cunt”.
Jenni Russell was very down on Ed Milliband in the Times today. Does this reflect badly on Ed that another ally is dumping on him? Or more a reflection of her much-gossiped about friendship with her Tory-leaning editor?
******************************
Hire a first-class cleaner in under a minute! Hassle.com matches you with reliable and trusted local cleaners. Just type in your postcode, then choose a cleaner who suits your needs (pillow plumping, ironing or just an all round clean, it’s your choice). Cost – 10GBP p/h, but Popbitch readers get 5GBP off first clean by entering code POPBITCH on Hassle.com: http://ow.ly/yJpqu
******************************
>> Chimpossible? <<
Holiday plans of popstars
Warming us up for the season of Cheryl Cole stories we’ll be getting when X Factor starts up again, last week the red-tops were filled with stories about Cheryl’s romantic holiday break with her new ‘boyfriend’. Both Instagrammed pictures of the location.
There’s a bit of the story that didn’t make the papers though. Kimberley Walsh also went on a little spa break last week. She Instagrammed a picture of her retreat too. It looked strangely like the exact same place that Cheryl had kitted out with roses and candles and cakes in order to have a little alone time with her other half.
Unless…?
A family of wild beavers has been spotted in Devon. And where were they living? In the River Otter.
>> Mime after mime <<
Playing live at Glastonbury
Everyone became so obsessed and outraged about whether or not Dolly Parton was miming at Glastonbury that they somehow failed to notice a number of other big names who phoned in large sections of their sets.
– Metallica had a ProTools playback rig with them.
– Lana Del Rey brought half her vocals with her on disk.
– Goldfrapp had two keyboards that weren’t plugged in.
Dolly Parton spotted this week getting a manicure in a Nottingham nail bar. (The skanky one on Thurland St by New Look.)
>> The Price is right <<
Respectable financial model
It’s not often that we have a reason to like Katie Price, but here’s one. She’s unlikely to turn up on the front page as the next Jimmy Carr, Chris Moyles or Gary Barlow. Instead of tax dodging and expert investment schemes, Katie prefers to keep her money in a plain and simple high street bank account, so she always knows where it is.
England’s shot conversion rate was the worst of any side who scored two or more goals at this year’s World Cup.
>> Tennis elbowed <<
Baby Fed to clean up
The British press and public might be gobsmacked that Andy Murray lost yesterday but the world of sports marketing moved on from Murray to his conqueror, Grigor Dimitrov, some time ago. In the annual list of “Most Marketable Sports Star” Dimitrov is ranked number five. (Murray is no. 21). Already labelled “Baby Fed” for his playing style, Dimitrov signed to the new sports agency set up Roger “Daddy Fed” Federer himself, Team8.
Full top 10, if you’re interested: Lewis Hamilton, Virat Kohli, Robert Griffin III, CR7, Dimitrov, Usain Bolt, Neymar, Missy Franklin, Blake Griffin, Sloane Stephens.
>> More paedo tales <<
The world according to Rev_GB
This month marks seven years since PB legend Reverend_Goatboy’s death. Despite the passage of time, the stories he told have dominated the news in recent weeks. Jimmy Savile and corpses? Goatboy story. Rolf Harris up to no good? Goatboy story. Wherever he is, we’re sure he’s enjoying the last laugh.
For old times’ sake, another tall tale he liked to tell went like this:
“Seems that a former Tory minister, when he had to stay in his constituency, chose the local aristocrat’s gaff. One night the aristo is paddling down the corridor when he hears cries from his 12-year-old son’s room. Going in, he finds the Tory minister hanging out of his son. He promptly hits the panic button. It being the aristo, when the alarm sounds at the nick the ****ing lot show up – choppers and all (high alert at time re IRA). First plod on the scene piles in and the aristo says, “Arrest that bastard!” The copper recognises the Tory minister, and knocks it upstairs sharpish. A few more shunts and it’s Maggie on the blower saying leave it, she’ll sort it. And the Tory minister was whisked off to work in a reduced role. One wonders what hold they have over the aristo, eh?”
******************************
Don’t leave it to chance or an internet algorithm – Get direct introductions to new friends and contacts. Attend events and enjoy activities with like-minded professionals. A truly personal service: Book a Consultation. http://www.therisinglinked.com/rl/about/
******************************
>> Hmms <<
Latin, Film, Macca
Weird Russian 404 page
Smell my gak… it
smells of bacon!
Bleat to the beat – goats tackle Jurassic Park
First he gets called for his commentary, and now is this Phil Neville robbing sleeping drunks?
******************************
Thanks to: Deep_Stoat, AJW, O, LV, NB, GM, gravelly_hills_cop, onthehushhush, rev_gb, HN, @pglewis, plastiktom, SG, SW, GO,
******************************
Holes by Tom Basden (Peep Show, Fresh Meat etc). Stranded, four survivors wait. Surely somebody will find them. “Absurd, hilarious and fast-paced”, this razor-sharp comedy lands in London. Win pair of tickets with entry code “Popbitch” here. 16 July – 9 Aug, the Arcola Tent, Dalston.
http://www.holestheplay.com
******************************
Old Jokes Home:
Q/ Who lives at number 664?
A/ The neighbour of the beast.
Still Bored:
Supporting Belgium in the World Cup?. Belgiumize yourself here:
http://belgiumizeme.be