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Shake It Like A Hand

 

Something to say? Music to play? Always wanted to be on the radio? Come be a contributor on sunflower.fm. 16-24 Aug, transmitting from Ormeside Projects, SE London. From 15 mins to 2 hrs – you can do something regular, easy, weird or truly experimental. Whatever makes sense to you. To claim a spot, email info@sunflower.fm
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* Dannii’s handwritten corrections
* David Cameron to the White House
* PLUS: How big is Bigfoot’s erection?
>> Full ‘house <<
Suki has a lot on her hands
 

Suki Waterhouse seems very happy these days, doesn’t she? What on earth could be putting such a smile on her face? We can’t know for sure, of course, but we can make an educated guess.

For example, we know that Kristen Stewart would often complain that she found Robert Pattinson’s knob to be uncomfortably large for her own personal tastes (personal tastes we now know err on the ‘no knob at all’ end of the spectrum).

We also know that a former flame of Suki’s is well-known in A-List circles for his habit of wanting to chuck all manner of dry, rough and unlubricated items up his partners’ flues.

So as the prospect of a relatively normal shag with a well-hung hunk is a surprisingly rare occurrence in Hollywood, it’s probably that.

BBC1’s Bargain Hunt has got Pulp and the Happy Mondays on their show, so who has BBC2’s Celebrity Antiques Road Trip lined up to rival that? Peter Andre and Joe Pasquale…
>> Week parenting <<
A new nanny, every day
 

One of the reasons that celebrity kids get so screwed up is because nannies essentially raise them alone while their parents are away on set/on tour/in the studio. The second the child is old enough for the parents to not need to pay a nanny anymore, they are let go – separating the teenage child from the only care-giver they’ve ever really known, leaving them alone in a house with two adults they’ve barely even met.

Suffering this type of traumatic upheaval at such an impressionable age, is it any wonder so many of them turn to drink and drugs?

There’ll be no fear of that happening with the Clooneys though. George and Amal have thought ahead, by hiring seven different nannies who work for them around the clock – so the lucky twins are unlikely to get the chance to form a meaningful relationship with any one of them either.

Vintage Gruesome Twosome: Steve McFadden and Barbara Windsor, some years ago on the EastEnders set. (When questioned about it, Steve’s response was “It’s Barbara, isn’t it?”)
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
 

Which reality TV narrator had quite the pick-up line in his pre-fame days? At parties, he’d pull his pecker out, show it to a girl and say “Why don’t you shake it like a hand?”

Nominative Determinism of the Week: The Head of Negotiation Strategy at the Scottish Government EU Strategy & Negotiation Unit… Ellen Leaver!
>> The iii’s have it <<
What’s in a name?
 

First we heard about subs at the Sun deliberately misspelling ex-showbiz editor Dan Wootton’s name, timing how long it would take for him to hit the roof/sack someone.

Last week we saw a story that Dominic Raab’s former staff used to have a running contest between them to see how many a’s they could slip into his surname on official documents.

But our favourite is still Dannii Minogue. People on her team used to enjoy hiding increasingly mangled spellings of her first name in various information packs and handouts whenever she was brought in for meetings.

Without fail, as soon as she spotted one of these ‘typos’, she would halt the meeting, grab up everybody’s papers, handwrite a correction onto each and every copy, then redistribute them before letting anyone continue.

What would you prefer? The chance to win a holiday every month, or flights to New York/Dubai/Barbados for less than £250 return? How about both? Join new membership club The Dream Makers and get incredibly cheap flights, hotels & experiences. Sign up here for 2 x the entries into the prize draw every month.
[Join The Dream Makers]
>> Monkey business <<
The nuts and bolts of Bigfoot
 

Just when you think American politics couldn’t get any weirder, someone goes and busts out the Bigfoot erotica.

As you may have heard, a Virginian Republican candidate for Congress, Denver Riggleman, has been uncovered as the chief artist behind some rather detailed (and technically accomplished) Bigfoot dickpics.

Naturally, this has prompted all sorts of questions. But, so far, no-one seems to have answered the one that immediately sprang to our minds. Which was: how big is Bigfoot’s erection?

So we figured it out for ourselves.

[Read The Biggest Question on Popbitch]

Thank you to everyone who donated to our pledge drive this week. It is exactly this sort of important journalism that you are helping to fund.
>> Radio daze <<
Feeling Wright at Holmes
 

As TalkSport and TalkRadio prepare to relocate to NewsUK’s Baby Shard offices, execs there are trying to clear house before the move, so that they don’t bring anything unnecessary with them to the new digs.

A lot of what they seem to be shedding is sponsors, as Ford has pulled out of Alan Brazil’s breakfast show and Sky has stopped sponsoring live football on the station. But one of the big presenters potentially on the chopping block is Eamonn Holmes, who hosts TalkRadio’s drive time slot.

In the running to take over from him? Matthew Wright.

FYI: If you haven’t read the intro copy for Eamonn Holmes’ production company, and how it creates content that works “dead hard”, try it. You might enjoy it.

[Visit Studio Sixty Billion]

Rory Bremner talks to David “Bumble” Lloyd about cricket – including tales from his favourite Test matches and what it was really like to share the commentary box with Shane Warne and Ian Botham… At Conway Hall, London WC1, 5th Sept. 15% off tickets with code POPBITCH.
[Book at How To Academy]
>> Visa good, visa good <<
Outfoxed by Rooney
 

N writes:
“Your stories about Seal bunking the queue at the American Embassy in London and Rebel Wilson politely waiting her turn made me think people should follow Wayne Rooney’s lead. He flew to Belfast at the start of June to get his visa sorted more quickly in order to clinch the deal to play for DC United in Washington.

“He was charm personified with my eight year old daughter on the flight back to London and gladly posed for a photo with her – even though she loudly exclaimed she hadn’t a clue who he was… much to his agent’s amusement.”

Queen’s Greatest Hits is at No.29 in its 835th week on the album charts. The last time it was in the Top 30 was June 2011.
>> Happy holidays <<
Christmas with the Camerons
 

What’s coming up on the David Cameron agenda? Well, we’ve just found out that he’s headed to the White House for Christmas.

Not the one in Washington, obviously. The holiday villa in Costa Rica. The good news for Dave is that it looks absolutely lovely. A paradise on the coast. The perfect place for a idyllic festive getaway.

The bad news? We know who’s renting it immediately before you.

So be sure to sniff your towels…

Someone who had dinner with David Cameron recently said that he was very withdrawn and ashen-faced, the weight of the current Brexit catastrophe hanging very heavily on him. Awww. Diddums.
>> Badger v Baboon <<
Highway through the danger zones
 

While hundreds of people asked questions of the London Underground’s Central Line last week (mainly variations on the theme of “WHY ARE YOUR TRAINS SO FUCKING HOT?”) one Popbitch reader asked the most burning question of all.

It appears there’s some disagreement on the Central Line as to who would win in a fight between a baboon and a badger. Chris Taggart, Head of Operations, says the baboon would, while Steve Lammin, Head of Fleet, reckons the badger would.

Fancy staging a late night underground grudge match so we can put it to bed once and for all, fellas?

Help a group of volunteers restore an important old sailing boat, protect Britain’s maritime heritage and share their skills and experience with the local community. Excellent rewards for those who help with crowdfunding – like a belaying pin. Go on, you know you want one…
[See on Crowdfunder]
>> Hmmms <<
Wannabe, Monopoly, Gangsters
 

Best headline of the week: “Ivanka Trump’s Ex-boyfriend Bingo Gubelmann Is Arrested Alongside Maroon 5 Bassist in Manhattan Cocaine Bust”
[Congrats to MailOnline]

Mad long read on how the McDonald’s Monopoly promotion got rigged by an ex-cop who stole millions
[Enjoy on The Daily Beast]

A hellish Wannabe remix, where the vocals gradually fall out of key and time
[Listen on YouTube]

Interesting breakdown of the story behind a tabloid gaming panic
[Read on EuroGamer]

Like the sound of that Gangsters’ Wives film we featured last week? You’ll love it even more when you see who they want to cast in it
[Check out Gangsters Wives]

Eurovision. First Wales go it alone, now Scotland follows…
[Read on Sunday Herald]

Congratulations to Popbitch Racing Club’s trainer George Baker on his 125-1 winner at Glorious Goodwood. We look forward to our new horse Barritus repeating this feat soon.
[See more on George’s blog]

There’s still time to get your name on the Popbitch Donors’ Board.
[More info on Popbitch]

Thanks to: NB, richjohnston, LH, MM, CM, PK, SH, TB, celtiagirl, ourmaninkabul, MW, TSI, NT, SW, JY, B, JM, LEW, gentlemanthug
Old Jokes Home:
I got very stressed running my small camp site.
It was two tents.

Still Bored?
Aged 18-35? Need expert help in managing your personal finances? Five pairs of FREE tickets available to a masterclass with Laura Whateley, who writes the Times’ Troubleshooter column, 12th Sept, London W1. First come, first served. Use code POPBITCH.
[Book at How To Academy]

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