Shakespeare In Muff

It’s genuinely quite astonishing that a bad tweet may be the thing that ends up derailing Alastair Stewart’s illustrious innings at ITV News – but not for the reasons that hysterical pundits are giving.

Until he drastically changed his lifestyle in 2004 (after a second drink-driving offence where he rammed his car into a telegraph pole on his way home with a Chinese takeaway) tales of Alastair’s hell-raising were legendary in the industry.

At London Tonight in the 90s, it wasn’t unheard of that he would have to be locked in his dressing room because he was too hammered to read the news at all, let alone on camera.

And on one overseas trip, he got so wrecked at dinner he spent the entire journey back to his hotel vomiting. One of the crew with him was an old roadie who claimed he hadn’t seen anyone that fucked since his days touring with Joe Cocker in the 60s “…and he had an arm full of heroin.”

Before he found fame with One Direction, Louis Tomlinson used to work at the Vue cinema chain.

One of his former colleagues recently treated their followers to a TimeHop/#tbt tribute of the time she worked with him. Vue’s PR people caught wind of it, saw it was a ten year anniversary tribute and quickly started working up some publicity around it.

However on checking Louis’s HR record they soon pulled the proposed campaign after discovering the extent of his disciplinary file.

Which TV host likes to slink a discreet arm around the back of his female co-hosts on air? Not for any #MeToo reasons. Just so he can give them a little pinch whenever he wants them to shut up.

This week’s delve into the Popbitch archive takes us to 2001: a year that ended up being hugely significant in geopolitical history, setting Western culture on the ever-darkening course it’s been on since.

Not that we’re dealing with any of that. Instead we’ve put together a collection of Popbitch stories we ran that year about Barbara Windsor’s pissing preferences, Bryan McFadden’s video rentals, Shakin’ Stevens immaculately timed blowjobs and the Russell Watson/So Solid Crew collab that never saw the light of day.

[Enjoy!]

Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie were going around creeping people out in the early 2000s by wearing vials of each other’s blood around their neck. If only people knew what Kate Moss was doing at that same time.

On a fashion shoot in 2001, for which she wore her own jewellery, Kate was showing off one of her favourite pieces.

“See this necklace?” she asked people in the studio. “It’s been up Johnny Depp’s bum.”

Gwyneth Paltrow’s fanny candles are still in the news, three weeks on, after it turned out Elton John has bought “a ton” of them. We know the John-Furnish household have been keen readers of Popbitch over the years. Maybe his fascination with Gwynnie’s nethers came from this story in 2001?

While in the dresser’s room for Shakespeare In Love, Ben Affleck was being strapped into a complicated pair of shoes with a skirted Miss Paltrow standing next to him.

In front of the male dresser, Ben began to work his hand up the inside leg of his beloved, much to her embarrassment. And his quote on reaching the top…?

“Gwyneth, you have *the* finest growler!”

One of the most memorable music videos of 2001 was Fatboy Slim’s Weapon Of Choice, the one where Christopher Walken does weird dancing around a hotel.

A technician who worked on the video got a surprise, when checking in to the hotel, to see that their lift operator was the spitting image of Christopher Walken. When he mentioned the incredible likeness at the desk, the receptionist replied “Yes, it is Christopher Walken. Mr Walken arrived earlier and has been dressed like that ever since.”

Apparently, Walken is a bit of a practical joker and likes to dress up as a lift operator and work the lifts for strangers.

FYI: If you’ll recall, Walken doesn’t play a lift operator in the video. He plays a jaded businessman in suit and tie. He brought the costume with him.

Britain’s Chancellor Sajid Javid seems unperturbed by the spiralling pricetag of the HS2 project, but then he’s never really been that bothered by such trivial things as ‘costs’.

During the most recent general election, Saj paid a visit to the constituency of Norwich North to join MP Chloe Smith at the Whalebone pub for a talk about how the Tories would support local business.

There, he very generously ordered a big round of drinks for everyone.

And then left without paying.

Back when the Guardian used to spend a small fortune hosting champagne receptions, Nicholas Parsons attended one such soiree they threw at the Edinburgh TV Festival.

Ever the consummate professional, Parsons arrived early, was polite and well-mannered to the people serving him drinks, taking his coat, etc. The only moment where he made any sort of commotion was when he spotted a senior editor. Striding out across the room to shake their hand, he walked slap bang into a glass wall that he’d mistaken for thin air.

The sound of the collision could be heard above the music and put a stop to conversation.

With all eyes on him, Parsons cracked a gag, dusted himself off and continued on towards the editor. This time using the door.

We know we asked for no more emails about Chris Martin’s hockey career last week, but someone did get in touch to share something interesting about his playing days that we thought we’d pass on.

His university hockey team had a fondness for drunken revelry and alcoholic penalty when they went on tour (as hockey teams often do) which sat a little at odds with Chris’s reluctance to touch booze.

He didn’t have to miss out on any of the fun and games though. In place of beer, his team-mates made him chug away at pints of pickled onions instead.

Coronavirus tracking map
[See it here]

A camper van commissioned by Louis and Zayn from 1D is up for sale on eBay
[Right now, yours for £40,000]

Local News Of The Week: 900 Arse Pills edition
[Read on Belfast Telegraph]

Matthew Wilder’s Break My Stride has become the hot new teen trend on TikTok
[The kids are alright]

Do you know the Buddhist cat?
[See on YouTube]

More negative harmony covers
[Star Wars! Game Of Thrones!]

Last Tuesday’s Popbitch Popquiz was fully sold out, so make sure you book in for our February quizzes in plenty of time…
[Tuesday 11th February]
[Tuesday 25th February]

Still Bored?
This week’s Media Masters podcast is a chat with the creative director of the BBC’s Natural History Unit, Mike Gunton. Having worked on more than 300 documentaries during his 35-year career, Mike explains how an ‘idiot’ weaver bird inspired him to make shows that were both entertaining and relatable.
[Listen/Download on Media Masters]