Sister Sledgehammer

We suggested recently that Justin Theroux’s pube-trimming habits might have been to blame for the collapse of his marriage to Jennifer Aniston. (A former crewmember on The Leftovers remembered having to attend to Justin’s toilet, basin and nail scissors – all of which would be covered in pubes on a bi-weekly basis).

A correction may be in order though, as a Hollywood source tells us that Jen was likely the one fouling up their bathroom the most.

Jen’s preferred weight-management regime? High-strength laxatives.

Just when you thought a story couldn’t get more Popbitch than ‘Nun Curses Katy Perry With Dying Breath In Court’ – it does.

There’s a rather striking detail that seems to have been overlooked in all the Katy Perry convent case coverage (the dead nun, understandably, was quite a distraction). But back in the late 90s and 2000s there was a big scandal in LA, where Catholic authorities had been found to have turned a blind eye to a number of molestation reports.

Where did the archdiocese end up sending many of those paedophile priests? Why, to The Sisters of the Immaculate Heart in Loz Feliz! Katy Perry’s new home!

No wonder the Archbish is so keen to take Perry’s millions. Probably got a few payoffs still to cover.

Which 90s actress has been left with such taut skin after her most recent facelift that she’s finding it hard to totally shut her eyes? An eye-mask takes care of the problem at night, and she’s found that sunglasses during the day are a big help. But while her surgeon has told her the skin will relax a little soon, some of her friends are warning her not to get any moore.

Mear One is the LA artist who created the contentious mural that’s got Jeremy Corbyn in so much trouble this week. He’s since come out of the shadows to give his side of the story.

And who do you think it would be helpful for him to talk to, to maybe dampen down and deflect some of the accusations of flagrant anti-semitism? The Guardian? The Daily Mail? BuzzFeed?

All good suggestions, but in the end Mear One chose to go with… DavidIcke.com!

It’s open season on Scarlett Moffatt in The Sun at the minute. Until recently, the breakout star of Gogglebox had been treated extremely favourably in the press but now she’s facing a series of stories like:

* Saturday Night Takeaway branded a fix as Ant and Scarlett accused of ‘cheating’

* Scarlett tells friends winning I’m A Celebrity ‘ruined her life’

* Scarlett Moffatt admits to popping pills in weight loss battle

* Scarlett Moffatt angers her posh new neighbours with ‘eyesore’ new home

* Scarlett Moffatt fans accuse her of being ‘fake’ and a ‘liar’

Who’s got it in for Scarlett all of a sudden? It’s hard to know – but by total coincidence she just dropped her agent, John Noel Management, and her publicists, PR Squared, for James Grant Management and Carver PR respectively.

So who could say what’s behind it. A total mystery.

The Evening Standard first introduced a pink business section to the paper in 1990, when it was selling fewer than half a million copies a day. Much to the dismay of advertisers, all the distinct colouring did was make it easier for people to find that section, pull it out and throw it away – causing the streets of the capital to be strewn with soggy pink newsprint for years.

Under George Osborne’s new redesign, these pink pages have been restored, but with a sneaky white border to help hide them. It’s a smart move because, now that it’s free, the Evening Standard is printing almost twice the number of copies – meaning twice the amount of pink sections to be thrown away, which would really stretch the resources of the capital’s waste services.

Services which have already been struggling under the public sector austerity strategy of… George Osborne!

There’s been a few computer issues over at Atlantic Records. While upgrading their servers they’ve somehow managed to corrupt/delete some of the multitrack stems from their artists, and engineers are now desperately running round trying to see who has copies.

What a disaster!

(…that this didn’t happen before Ed Sheeran got to release Galway Girl)

With the four-day weekend coming up, now is the perfect time to get up to speed on our new four-parter about how two Hollywood writers’ strikes twenty years apart inadvertently transformed pop culture, news and politics.

The third part is out today and we guarantee that nothing else you read this Easter will combine Gordon Brown, Larry David, Kim Kardashian, Hulk Hogan’s ten inch penis, Alex Jones pissing on a tree, and Omarosa’s White House firing in quite the way that we have.

[Read Surreal World here]

FYI: Need to catch up? The intro and first part are completely free to read; parts two and three will require you to sign up with our micropayment partner Agate – but we promise you it’s worth it, and you’ll be helping to support Popbitch.

[Introduction – A Tale Of Two Strikes]

[Part One – Journalusting Repugnance]

[Part Two – The Name Of The Scientist]

The Guardian did a big interview with Karren Brady this week, ostensibly about her new TV show exploring the gender pay gap and her role as a “champion for women in the workforce”.

When Lady Brady took over at West Ham, one of her very first moves was to sack the football club’s head of retail. It came as a bit of shock, given that they had a reputation at the club for being highly competent, respected and experienced.

But it’s probably come as more of a shock to now see Karren heralded as a champion for women – given that the head of retail was not only a woman, but one of London football’s most popular female execs at the time.

San Marino’s Eurovision selection process has always been notoriously suspect, and this year is no exception.

Over 1,000 songs were entered into the national heats this year, and on the judging panel was Zoe Straub: Austria’s 2015 Eurovision contestant.

But as well as being a judge, Zoe also wrote 9 of the 11 entries which miraculously made it through to the final – including the eventual winner, Who We Are.

Which is shifty enough, but the only way the public could vote for an entry in the grand final was by donating €20 towards the production of a finalist’s entry. In return they would get a share of the royalties, as distributed by Global Rockstar.

The owner of Global Rockstar is Christof Straub. Zoe’s dad.

South Korean K-pop stars Red Velvet are going to be performing in Pyongyang as part of a cultural expedition to North Korea – and the northerners are in for a real treat (as are you, if you don’t know them).

Red Velvet’s best song? The somewhat aptly named… Russian Roulette

[See the video on YouTube]

Hollywood’s most prolific professionals
[View the research]

Make your own TV show with the UK TV Drama Pitch Generator
[Create on Perchance]

McDonald’s News Of The Week 1
[Read on EADT]

McDonald’s News Of The Week 2
[Read on Bristol Post]

Professor Green’s house is for sale
[See on RightMove]

An unmissable R Kelly doc
[Watch on BBC3]

Sydney’s answer to the Lambeth Country Show veg competition – excellent gourd decorations
[See on Instagram]

Still Bored?
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[Contact tom324new@gmail.com]