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“If someone offered me one million pounds cash for slap and tickle I would” – Katie Price
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|_| |_|21.01.16 ISSUE 769
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* What’s in Katie’s closet?
* Andre’s mysterious girls?
* Charts: Shawn Mendes is no 1
>> Rickmanballs <<
Just taking the Mick
Back in the day, Mick Jagger was having a fling with a society beauty. One night they were out at a dinner party but she felt Jagger was not paying her enough attention.
Deciding she’d try to provoke his interest, she deliberately turned away and only talked to the person on her other side. Still no response.
There was only one thing for it. She reached behind her back and started to give him a surreptitious handjob. This time, his interest definitely swelled. Feeling pleased with herself, the socialite turned back round. Sitting in that seat was another man. Bored with being ignored, Jagger had changed places.
She discovered she’d actually been wanking off Alan Rickman.
Alan Rickman liked to invite crew he worked with out for dinner. We’re told that, unusually for an actor, he always picked up the tab.
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which US-born/London-based socialite claims the sore throats she regularly gets are not to do with any virus or infection – but because, according to her shaman, she had been shot in the neck in a past life?
Celebrity Offspring Jobs: Simon and Yasmin Le Bon’s daughter Amber has an absolute cracker – “Ibiza Ambassador for Ciroc Vodka”.
>> Diddy dumped <<
Stories about P Diddy being the latest celeb to out himself as a fan of Donald Trump have been all over the media this month, but Diddy’s association with Trump goes way, way back.
Their bond was so tight that back in the 90s – when he was better known as Puffy – Diddy even made reference to his close ties with Trump on the Sean John company literature. But when he was arrested in a shooting case in early 2000 The Donald’s advisers ordered the rapper to be struck from Trump party invitation lists.
The fact that Diddy is still courteous about his old friend says better things about him than it does Trump.
Least Tempting Offer Of The Week: Ryanair offering cheap flights to Cologne, suggesting we might like to “check out the famous cathedral!”
>> Peter piping <<
Not so mysterious girls
Peter Andre was on Loose Women this week, confessing he once got revenge on an ex-girlfriend by having sex with her sister.
Pete said he was touring with Bobby Brown at the time: “I thought he really liked me because he kept asking me to come out in the evenings with him… And every time he invited me he would say ‘Bring your girlfriend along too’. I thought he was the nicest guy.”
Then one night the girlfriend went home with Bobby instead of Pete. Pete ended up at her sister’s for a shoulder to cry on, which lead to them having sex.
He didn’t name names, but seasoned Pete-watchers tell us they could make a pretty good guess at who he was
… Mel B, and sister Danielle?
Caprice told Closer magazine this week that she has just spent thirty pounds on halibut.
>> Pricey clothing <<
What’s in Katie’s closet?
We mentioned a couple of weeks ago that Katie Price had taken a bit of a bruising with a pre-trial settlement, in which she agreed to pay out some substantial six-figure sums rather than risk airing her dirty laundry in public.
Except that’s exactly what’s she’s ended up having to do anyway.
Seems all those legal fees have dented the Pricey bank balance to such an extent that she’s now resorted to
flogging off all of her old clothes on eBay…
Maybe that’s also why she was so keen to let it be known that she’d swap some slap and tickle for a million pounds in cash?
Gym’ll nicks it! Sky TV’s on-site gym has stopped providing free towels because so many of them were being nicked by Sky employees
>> Reality bites <<
Popbitch, Dec 2012
“(Nasty) Nick is splitting from his publicist wife, enduring a season of panto – an Ugly Sister in Cinderella, Skegness – and then running off to Australia in the New Year…”
Nick Bateman, email, Dec 2012
“Your story in the latest email is wrong and upsetting. My wife is in Australia on holiday whilst I am in panto rehearsal. We are very much together… I would like a retraction of this misunderstanding in your next edition. If this is not forthcoming I will hand this over to legals”.
Newspapers, Jan 2016
“Nick Bateman ended his marriage… Court papers revealed the couple split in August 2012 and Mr Bateman moved out of their home a month later. Bateman is now believed to be living in Sydney.”
See also the Sun this week: “Novak Djokovic admits he WAS offered £110k to throw match… 8 years after denying our story”.
>> Sexual imagery <<
Painting pictures with R
The recent profile of R Kelly in GQ has stirred up renewed interest in the allegations that continue to shroud him. One way R Kelly might help himself is by toning down the sexual content in his songs. We went through his new album, The Buffet to see how he’s doing with that.
On the opening track, the things R compares sex to include: a knife, a plane, satnav, his dinner, an aquarium, a murder scene, an elevator, a card game, a massive hole, a loudspeaker, a rocketship, a swimming pool, post-segregationist water fountains, a prison sentence – and more…
And it’s called Poetic Sex.
Go here for your track-by-track guide to the moral maze that is The Buffet:
Issue 21 of the Popbitch Magazine for Smartphones & tablets is out! As well as R Kelly you can find Steve Coogan, Q&A with Lemmy, Chim update, and Simon & Karen Danzuk – the clever Katie & Peter
For iTunes: http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y
For Android: http://bit.ly/1vvdK7H
>> Slammer time <<
IRS: U Can touch this
Bad news for MC Hammer. The IRS announced over the holidays that he still owed $800k taxes.
Hammer had, ahem, trousered tens of millions in his rap career but went bankrupt in 1996 owing millions in unpaid tax. He then, famously, found God and became a pastor. Except that wasn’t the end of the tax story. The authorities told him he had pay, ah yeah pay, he had to pay just to make it today.
(He still owed for two years not covered by his bankruptcy.)
Live on stage in Des Moines, Iowa, 34 years ago last night, Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off that bat.
>> Mr & Mrs Smith <<
Sugar Daddy Butt Service
Just in case you missed it this week; Alexis Arquette on Will and Jada Smith:
“When Jada comes out as gay and her beard husband admits his first marriage ended when she walked in to him butt servicing his Sugar Daddy Benny Medina… then I will listen to them”.
Steven Tyler: “I rode in the front seat of a rollercoaster with Hendrix once. We were both doing poppers.” Somehow not as exotic now we know Tory ministers do it too.
>> RIP Glenn Frey <<
Eagle versus Beagle
Searching the Popbitch vaults this week for a suitable tribute to the Eagles star we came across this story and, well… we liked it more.
“I had a mate who studied to be a vet at the Royal College. Coming back after a night on the piss, we heard this terrible howling coming from some kennels.
“When I asked what was wrong my mate simply replied ‘It’s only the beagles. Their bollocks must be the size of melons, as they haven’t been wanked off for a while’.
“He explained that beagle spunk was used by the vet students for all types of experiments.”
J-Lo has just taken up a two-year Vegas residency. She is promising that she will wear costumes like Cher and Barbra Streisand.
>> Hmmms <<
Kels, cursewords, Bowie,
Tom Baker is 82. Here he is with some cats:
Olivier Award-winning Ursula Martinez is back on her dirty soapbox, baring her soul (and possibly more). 25% off with promo code NAKED:
The GQ profile of R Kelly, by Chris Heath, is a really fascinating read:
David Bowie’s impressions of Springsteen, Lou Reed, Iggy Pop and more:
Desperate local news angles – David Bowie edition:
Thanks to: AM, sofistar, monstris, A, SJ, DT, MM, BC, SK, W, DJ, danceswithmustelids
Old Jokes Home:
My husband’s a Pisces.
At least I think he is. He certainly drinks like one.
The worst thing to happen to the green cause this year: