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Celebrate the Queen’s birthday with Coral Bingo’s Royal Weekend! Bingo bonuses are being dished out on Saturday and Sunday for special royal numbers. To sign up and get playing, click here: http://bit.ly/12oLZgM
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“I’m not under the false impression that 5ive is going to change the world but we’ve had a lot of positive feedback” – Abz Love
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 18.04.13 ISSUE 638
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to https://www.popbitch.com
To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com
* Paula: No stranger to suspect packages
* Dyer: Some big boots to fill
* Charts: No 1? Rudimental v will.i.am
>> Red or dead <<
Timing is everything
It’s lucky that the May edition of Red Magazine is up on the newsstands already as the April edition sported a cover line that would have been disastrous given recent events.
“Happy Birthday Red! Our first interactive cover. Turn to page 10 to make Maggie come to life.”
http://bit.ly/ZZYpq1
Amy Childs is the face of a newly-launched business in Essex. Its name? Spazio Online.
>> Shit happens <<
You’ve got to laugh right?
Noted anti-terrorism expert and marathon runner Paula Radcliffe has been talking in interviews about the sorts of things that London marathon organisers might want to consider in light of the Boston bombings.
They should pay attention to her. As someone who’s left a few suspect packages on the side of the road during marathons, she knows what she’s talking about.
The variety of Swedish wanking continues: Skrattrunk = “laughter wank”
>> Gleeventually <<
New stars and their issues
There’s been talk for a while that Glee might start from scratch at a different school – in order to give the flagging series a little shot in the arm.
The idea’s now gaining traction with network and production staff. Not because they think it’s good for the show. Because they are having so much trouble with the stars, their agents and other ‘outside interests’.
Talitubbies say “Eh-oh”: The Taliban Shadow Governor of Kabul City = Haji Lala
>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week
Who is the Tory politician that has been going round London in the last week buying up all the copies of Margaret Thatcher In Her Own Words on audiobook? He had a hundred on order at one bookshop alone – as “gifts”.
Fans of which Championship football club have been wondering why local TV reports on their team have increased significantly lately? Could it be because their season has been going with a swing again? Or could it be because the manager and a sports reporter have been enjoying what a fan source describes as a “dabble”? She’s even been on a club trip abroad with him.
According to Jonathan Sothcott, producer of Danny Dyer film Vendetta: “Audiences love Danny, he’s kind of like a 20th Century Michael Caine.”
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>> You rule! <<
Our love kickstarts again
Massive, massive thanks to everyone who has chipped in to Kickstarter. We reached our target on Monday afternoon.
We won’t twist on about it any more other than to say that there’s still 24 hours or so for you to snatch up what’s left of the goodies and get yourself a copy of the limited edition never-to-be-sold-again first issue.
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The hedge fund that handles a large chunk of Apple’s cash is called Braeburn.
>> Brandy raps <<
Watch out, it’s Fergie time
The United We Stand fanzine had an interview with an ex-Man Utd trainee Febian Brandy. There was a nice little vignette about Alex Ferguson:
“Kieran Richardson had just made the first team squad. He came into training one day with his car roof down and his music blasting out. He thought he was the man. Unfortunately for him Fergie was walking into the car park. Fergie pointed at him and said ‘Turn your music off and go home. Don’t come back here today.'”
Fashion Police show writers are suing E! and Joan Rivers for unpaid wages. What’s worse for Joan: looking cheap or that she needs writers for her red carpet jokes?
>> Elba room <<
Hackney goes Notting Hill
Addressing the rumours that he is next in line to play James Bond, Idris Elba said: “That’s all it is, honestly. I’d be screaming it from the fucking rooftops of my council flat in east London if I got James Bond, but it’s just a rumour.”
We knew Idris had just moved out of Richard Branson’s son’s 2 million pound house in Notting Hill, but we didn’t realise things had got so bad for him that he was eligible for council housing.
Whatever happened to last month’s next big thing, Ruen Brothers? Waiting for all the labels to chase them equals stalled single, no momentum.
>> Lame to fame <<
Cheggers plays PhotoShop
ashleyjwilliams writes:
“I once worked with Keith Chegwin and he told me that his role in Extras was not written with him in mind. Mind you he also informed me that he invented Adobe and this was in a clean-and-sober state, so the Lord only knows what’s going on in his mind.”
Heard a celebrity make an even weirder claim? hello@popbitch.com
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Popbitch Racing Club 2013 – Our horse George Baker got prize money twice last year (inc an exciting win at Kempton). Some spaces left to join and get the thrill of owning a racehorse. For more: email pophorse@popbitch.com
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>> Give it some Welly <<
In jokes for sound guys
Micester writes:
“Following the Sinitta story: Back in the late 70s and early 80s, when I was involved in recording Radio 1 Sessions at Maida Vale for the John Peel Programme, we used to have the “Guitarist’s Control Box” with controls labelled “Balls”, “Guts”, “Thrutch”, “Brown Sauce” (an in-joke for guitarists in the know) and “Welly”.
“Every guitarist would twiddle away at these controls (that did absolutely nothing) while we’d get the mixes just perfect without their ‘help’.”
The most famous sound engineer button is the DFA knob. Which is twiddled to please a demanding artist. It is, of course, the Does Fuck All button.
>> Scripted event <<
We find a purpose for Danny
We’re as baffled as you as to what qualifies Danny from The Script to sit alongside Tom Jones on a talent contest. However, word reaches us that he’s a rather nice guy.
A Popbitch reader spotted Danny at LAX airport on Saturday. Her 16 year old daughter is a massive fan of The Script, but was too shy to ask Danny for a picture, afraid that he would be annoyed at people approaching him in public. So she retreated to the toilet.
When she returned, Danny sauntered over to her and asked if she’d mind having her picture taken with him. The girl was stunned, but chuffed – not knowing that her parents had approached Danny while she was in the loo, and Danny was only too happy to play along.
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TV company looking for contributors for a new show (cash up for grabs!) Want to pull a simple prank on your friends or family and film it on your mobile? For details email info@pett.tv.
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>> Hmms <<
Dog pants, cat costumes, robots
Judge’s phone goes off in court. He holds himself in contempt and fines himself $25:
http://on.wsj.com/12lPvsg
If you like Daft Punk, you’ll love Mister Fisto:
http://bit.ly/YvXi2d
Tom Cruise’s security guard/personal heater seems to be a permanent fixture on the payroll:
http://bit.ly/174fvJG
Very interesting companion piece to last night’s C4 Dispatches on Syria:
http://to.pbs.org/15eSHbZ
Your precious baby moments are now The Cloud’s precious baby moments:
http://oogababy.com/
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Thanks to: AM, mount_st_nobody, aristocat, MM, SuperDarioLand, LC, DP, JK, SV, GA, TB, party_b, DP, deidre, ESR
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Old Jokes Home:
Ever since Oscar Pistorius got arrested my favourite porn genre, “fucked amputee” has been useless on Google.
