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“There’s a famous argument: music should be free like water. To which I say, have you seen London water rates recently?” – Neil Tennant
POPBITCH _ _ _ _
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|_| |_| 20.09.12 ISSUE 611
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* Official: no penguins in the jungle
* Love comes storming back for Ronan
* Charts: Script v Example for number one
>> Room service <<
Hospital hooker shocker
German Gorbuntsov was the Russian victim of that failed assassination attempt in Docklands earlier this year. He’s still in hospital, guarded by a crack team of armed bodyguards, a situation which is causing some friction at the hospital. Some of the Russian heavies think it’s perfectly acceptable for them to hire in ladies of the night while hospital bosses, er, don’t. Spoilsport bureaucrats, eh?
Anagram of Willard Romney is – Weird, normally. (And in case anyone missed this one: Kate Middleton = Naked Tit Model.)
>> Sporting chance <<
Quizzical looks in Dubai
A cautionary tale for the Jake Humphreys of the world, ditching the BBC for upstart football channels.
Remember Rob McCaffrey? He used to present Sky Sports’ Goals on Sunday, but moved to Dubai in 2007 to anchor their big Premier League show. In 2010 the show was canned and he ended up working on a minor channel. He got a new job this week – presenting a weekly quiz night at a mid-range bar, Carter’s at Wafi.
The going rate for this kind of work in Dubai, we’re reliably informed, is around AED 4,000 per month. Or 600 quid.
Apple products are estimated to account for one-third of projected Chinese export growth in the rest of this year.
>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week
Which new BBC comedy star was let go from a previous job after his enormous cocaine habit lead to him threatening to kill one of his colleagues while off his nut at work?
Robbie W on One Direction, in The Sun, “perform like they’ve never met each other – like frantic, looking around to see where they go next. They look like I feel in my head.”
>> Shy Shy FX <<
No penguins in the jungle
Jungle legend Shy FX was at Bestival. His manager bought him a penguin suit to wear at Bestival. He refused.
An unrelated but funny fact – Shy FX shares a studio building with Nero.
Mailonline yesterday: James Carter, who found the Romney video, the grandson of ex-pres Jimmy, had (Canadian) Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter as his Dad too.
>> Taylor made <<
Swift sequesters sofa
MDS writes:
“I was coming back from Rio, in the airport business lounge. A bunch of heavies take over a section of the packed room. In walks Taylor Swift. She lay down on a sofa and only allowed select entourage in the ‘reserved’ section. It was the only place with empty seats. Didn’t much like her before. Even less now.”
Disappointment of the week: The National Enquirer said Brad Pitt, in a UK hotel bar, asked for “Something that tastes like Budweiser”. Oh Brad.
>> Squashing rumours <<
Viva la difference! says Closer
London’s Closer magazine has been on major damage control since the Middleton nips appeared in the French version.
You can understand this – it would be terrible to be mistaken for a magazine famous for photos of a beautiful topless woman, rather than one whose big feature in the same week was of a 38 stone woman who charges 500 pounds a time to men whose sexual fetish is to want an “extreme squashing” with her “15ft stomach”.
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>> Bieber squealer <<
Cocking about with Justin
Justin Bieber likes to play a little game with men in his entourage – a game which involves him taking swipes at their crotches if they leave them unguarded.
Most of them have got pretty good at blocking now, but Siva from The Wanted got a nasty shock recently when the two acts were hanging out. Biebs jabbed him full on in the cock.
Bieber’s manager, Scooter Braun, suggested Siva return fire; saying the reciprocal ball-punch was “fair game”. Siva clenched his fist. Then Bieber suddenly lost his sense of fun. “No”, he said “It’s not.”
We said last week, Nick Lachey called his son Camden John – Kristin Cavallari named hers Camden Jack in August.
>> Kermode’s commode <<
TV exec swaps whoopsie sofa
You’d think David Kermode, editor of Daybreak, would have enough to keep him busy after last week’s lukewarm relaunch with Aled Jones and Lorraine Kelly. But most recently he’s been preoccupied with replacing the bright orange vinyl sofa which he had installed in his office in the summer.
It looked lovely. The only problem was it made a loud farting noise (just like CJ’s office chair in Reggie Perrin) whenever anyone sat on or got up from it. It’s now been replaced by something less percussive.
When Theo Paphitis bought Robert Dyas recently he set up an acquisition vehicle for the purpose. And named it “Gladys Emmanuel”.
>> Ro-mance <<
Love comes storming back
What a lovely surprise to see in the tabloids that Ronan Keating finds love again. “Love split singer Keating is blown away by former X Factor producer Storm”. They’ve apparently “grown close” over the past weeks.
Then we dug out Popbitch issue 537 from March 2011 and read this “When Ronan was away in Oz last year judging X Factor, he got rather close to one of the production staff there… it does seem a bit mean of the tabloids to be trying so hard to get the staffer to talk about it now that Ronan and Yvonne have reconciled.”
So not a total surprise, after all. And possibly clears up the mystery of why she refused to spill the beans.
Everyone’s seen Kate Middleton’s tits now – but one interesting fact in Closer was how much she was seen smoking.
>> Dentalist <<
Toothy tales with Jimmy
One week after he made an appearance on Channel 4’s Paralympics coverage, sending a mobility cart off on an important mission to get him a toothbrush from Westfield shopping centre, Jimmy Carr was back at the Park to watch the opening ceremony.
So it was odd for him to be found in the toilets before the ceremony, vigorously brushing his teeth, amid the swarm of men rushing in for a last minute piss.
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Back to school SALE! For just 10GBP you can encourage your child by adopting them a word. Enter code BTS1209 to get your discount and check out our new and exciting range of merchandise. Adopt a Word with the charity I CAN for the perfect present that also helps a child with communication difficulties:
http://www.adoptaword.com
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>> Hmms <<
Music, May, MC Hammer
A Review of Taken 2 by someone who thought he was going to hate it:
http://bit.ly/Ug3VYh
Elite cathexis v elite defection – is Romney toast?
http://econ.st/PUmoqC
On Saturday, go to Compressed Fest at The Miller, London Bridge. It’s a festival, but smaller:
http://compressedfest.tumblr.com
New James Iha album – after a 15 year wait, hurrah!
http://bit.ly/UpSuvm
The new Breakbot album is recorded in D Minor. And is great:
http://bit.ly/S5EsKt
Very much enjoying the groove of Andrew Ashong’s Flowers:
http://bit.ly/QE7iDm
How to concentrate better at work – “experiment with peppermint” etc
http://ti.me/R0FbQN
It’s time to get behind Brian May and save the badger! (Who will be left to fight the baboon?)
http://bit.ly/PB0PJK
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WANT GOSSIP AND BITCH? Get your arse over to http://www.bohomoth.com for a deliciously gossipy dose of celebrity & fashion news served up with lashings of bitch.
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POP is opening its doors for high-class cornography in Portobello Rd this month. Come down, tell us Popbitch sent you, and we’ll treat you like a POP star with free samples of pure-fruit sodas and flavoured and coated popcorn. Follow us on Twitter – @PopLondon – for news on opening date.
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Thanks to: AM, AW, M, DM, WMJ, KC, C, HorseFan, KB, P, TB, teamy, SG, SK, CL, PJ, MDS,
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Old Jokes Home
My life was in tatters because of my obsession with the Okey-Cokey.
But I turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about!
Still Bored?
Lambeth Country Show Vegetable Carving comp. Harvest Cocker v Terry Nutkins!
http://bit.ly/T7ezkP
