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Racing’s top jumps race is the Gold Cup, at Cheltenham tomorrow. Stop everything at 3.20pm (it is a sunny Friday after all) and see if Bob’s Worth can retain it. Back your favourite by opening an account with Boylesports & get a free matched bet:
http://bit.ly/1erhGcr
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“I found that well-rounded boobs often meant a well-rounded personality.” – Max Clifford
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|_| |_| 13.03.14 ISSUE 681
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* Paxman: Next level grouch!
* Cheltenham Gold Cup fever!
* Charts: DVBBS & Borgeous, new no 1
>> HardCorps <<
Fit for a fiddle
To commemorate the end of his marriage to Wendi Deng, Rupert Murdoch went to the doctor to see if his equipment was in full working order.
Luckily for him – and the single ladies of Manhattan – it is!
Tom Daley was taking pictures of a friend using the urinals at the BFI. Said friend had dropped his trousers for the occasion.
>> Minnie Grouse <<
Driver’s badly installed
Minnie Driver has made quite an impression on the crew of her new American sitcom, About A Boy. They refer to her frequent tantrums as “Good Will Cunting”.
Pulitzer Prize winning author Alice Walker writes her personal emails in blue Comic Sans.
>> Big Questions <<
Who wants to know what?
How did Kate Adie really describe Co-op Bank’s ex-CEO Euan Sutherland on New Zealand national radio this morning? Producers were keen to stress the word was “fatcat”, but listeners swear that it sounded a lot like “fuckcunt”.
Sri Lanka is searching for a new hangman. Their most recent recruit quit when he saw the gallows for the very first time.
>> Bad news <<
Dancing on Bob’s grave?
Every morning at Newsnight, an email goes round highlighting possible stories for the day. In it, they use a bit of in-house shorthand, calling a discussion between guests a “disco”. Which prompted the unfortunate (but brilliant) line this week:
“Bob Crow has died – Emily and Paul are chasing voices for a package – how’s about a disco?”
Re last week’s story, BobbiFleckman says: “Sir Martin Sorrell’s Irish Setter is called Savage. And the young woman is the new Lady Sorrell (younger than his sons).”
>> Youth programming <<
Kane is pulling a Paloma
Comedian Russell Kane was in the Sunday Times this weekend, talking about the decision to cut BBC3 and what an outrage it was to people in the consistently disregarded 18-34 demographic.
In the interview he kept including himself in that demographic, saying ‘us’ and ‘we’ and ‘our’ a lot.
“No-one listens to us… We’re too busy ‘neknominating’… We have a very quiet voice.” etc
Which is weird, because Russell (despite what Wikipedia and most newspaper articles about him would suggest) is actually 38.
FYI: Russell, it might be worth looking into changing your name by deed poll to “Russell Kane, 33”. “Professor” Jonathan Shalit swears by it.
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>> Gold Cup <<
3.20pm on Channel 4
Who to back?
Our tips for the festival have been dire. So we’re due a winner.
Er, probably:
* Gold Cup is most often won by a horse aged seven to nine.
* Doing well at Cheltenham is a good indicator
* Not many horses win two in a row
Last year’s winner, Bob’s Worth (9) Won five times at Cheltenham, but would be only the eighth horse in history to win it more than once.
Silviniaco Conti (8), was going brilliantly in last year’s race until he fell, but has never won at Cheltenham
The Giant Bolster (9) has been second and fourth, so a good e/w bet.
Last Instalment (9) owned by Ryanair’s Michael O’Leary. Trainer has been up in court charged with possessing “banned substances”. Would be the least welcome winner for racing authorities – so got to be in with a chance!
Open an account with Boylesports and get a free matched bet, up to 50 quid:
http://bit.ly/1erhGcr
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>> Paxo snuffing <<
Meddling with the Middle East
More from the Emirates Festival of Literature. Jeremy Paxman was there and was predictably grumpy. After doing an interview with one woman from a local radio station, she asked him to sign a book for her husband. Paxman’s inscription?
“All the best for the future with your annoying wife”.
Too many celeb trials to keep up with? We’re following: @peterjukes (hacking), @tompeck (Pistorius) @joshhalliday (Evans), @dannyshawbbc (Clifford).
>> Double vision <<
Familiar faces in Denmark
This year’s Eurovision is looking not unlike an episode of Stars In Their Eyes, with countries from all over the continent sending in their own-brand versions of popular pop superstars.
We’ve mentioned already Belarus’s Robin Thicke (who sings a song about getting all up in a lady’s ‘sweet cheesecake’) but now they’re all in on it.
* Malta is sending a Mumford and Sons tribute act
* Denmark is sending Bruno Mars on a bad day
* Estonia is sending a low-key Lady Gaga
* Greece is sending what might actually be the boys from Sam And The Womp
UK Eurovision old boy Josh Dubovie has just started a seven month singing engagement on a cruise ship.
>> Hmms <<
Grindcore, wine, drag
FROM THE POPBITCH MAGAZINE:
Hacking trial reporters Peter Jukes and Adam Macqueen drink wine and discuss the current goings on at the Old Bailey:
http://bit.ly/1fpqXS2
Animals. Sucking at jumping. (The raccoon is brilliant):
http://bit.ly/N9nqQP
Mark from TOWIE and Matt Cardle are finally joining forces:
http://bit.ly/1ft8KYz
One Direction ask fans to lobby against corporate tax avoidance, while the four non-Irish members of One Direction practice your classic tax ‘efficiency’ trick:
http://ind.pn/1cQclk9
FROM THE POPBITCH MAGAZINE:
A study of swearwords in rap, hip-hop and G-funk – Run DNA, A Search For The Original G-nome:
http://bit.ly/1hPnZdK
Cried watching The Notebook? Well, how about in an Adam Sandler film? Or The Birds II?
http://bit.ly/1fqmJtt
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Thanks to: TP, ulysesses, SW, monstris, abominablehoman, meow, RS, CMH, JW, deep_stoat, celtiagirl, DJ, NF
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Old Jokes Home:
RMT Union Leader, Bob Crow, has died. His family are asking for no questions from the press at this sad time. Plus two additional days off at Christmas.
Still Bored:
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