The Boredom Of Modesty

He cut a Caribbean holiday short. He namechecked Cincinnatus in his farewell speech. He signed off in the Commons with “Hasta la vista, baby!” So why would a man like Boris Johnson – seemingly hell-bent on returning to high office – pull out of the leadership race if he genuinely did have the numbers he needed?

His choice to do so late on Sunday was telling. One of the major reasons we hear for his withdrawal was that he learned the Sun was planning a front page for Monday’s edition urging him not to run.

A front page that his pulling out nixed.

Drama rocked the world of luxury wedding planning last week at an annual industry conference in Ireland.

You might remember a few months back we mentioned that the Beckhams fired Brooklyn’s wedding planner five weeks before the big day and drafted in a replacement on the recommendation of the florist. That same florist had a speaking slot at this year’s Engage!22 event, but things didn’t go smoothly.

His talk was interrupted by the original fired planner, who stood up mid-speech and started screaming obscenities, accusing him of being a devious, underhanded backstabber.

This continued for some time until the conference owners were called into the room to break it up.

Which comedian earned themselves the nickname “Clockwork” backstage at Edinburgh this year for their uncanny ability to start crying at precisely 9.17pm every evening?

It’s common for celebrities to turn up to support charity expeditions – even if they can’t always commit to doing the full thing. Spencer Matthews was once due to join a seven-day charity cycle, but could only find the time to do three.

The evening before the expedition was due to set off, the crew gathered to enjoy a bonding dinner at which Spencer told everyone he’d done no training ahead of it but suspected he wouldn’t find it very hard.

This caused some raised eyebrows around the table, with one of the team saying, “You’re modest, aren’t you?” Spencer didn’t like that and waved it away with the reply “I find modesty very boring”.

Anyway, he ended up doing half a day’s cycling, then went back to London as “something came up”.

M writes:
“About ten years ago I was in LA with my girlfriend and we went to a small, hipsterish cinema to see a late-night double bill of sleazy old exploitation films. All the way through the first film, a bloke sitting at the front kept getting up and shouting, whooping, screaming, punching the air and applauding. It was unbelievably annoying and we considered complaining.

“Eventually, my girlfriend – completely fed up at this point – let out a big ‘Sssshhhhhhh’ and the bloke shouted back, ‘Fuck you!’

“When the lights came up at intermission and people began making their way into the foyer, the bloke passed us. It was Quentin Tarantino.”

There are a couple of rolling lists we keep at PBHQ. One is of celebrities who fail to wash their hands after using the toilet (recent additions inc. Al Pacino, Frances McDormand, Dominic Raab).

Another is of celebs who owe our readers piddling amounts of money (notable mentions inc. Eric Clapton, Ben Elton).

Then there’s the list of celebs who refuse to talk to anyone directly, communicating only through their PAs. It’s to that list we have a new name to add: Serena Williams.

When she was staying at one of London’s 5-star hotels the rules laid down were that no-one was to look at her, no-one was to talk to her and if anyone had any questions or instructions for her, they had to be directed to her assistant – even if Serena was standing right there.

Got anyone to add to our lists? hello@popbitch.com

Schoolboy pranks can often be cruel. Schoolboy pranks at Eton, especially so. But we heard of one this week that seemed not only victimless, but actively fun for all involved.

Classmates who attended Eton with Jacob Rees-Mogg had a longstanding prank they liked to play on him over the years they were there. Someone would start singing or whistling the National Anthem whenever he was in earshot, then watch as young Jacob would stop whatever he was doing to proudly stand for it.

Never got boring, apparently.

Having been banned, unbanned and possibly banned again from Balthazar since our last issue, James Corden continues to fight the prevailing media narrative that he is a bit of an arsehole when dealing with civilians.

He offered up an apology for his behaviour on his chat show on Monday, saying his reason for being rude to staff was that his wife has a serious food allergy, and egg whites kept turning up in the off-menu, yolk-only omelette she had ordered.

Sadly (and strangely) for Corden, it won’t have generated much sympathy for him because one of the very particular bridges he’s burned in the States is with allergy awareness groups.

His starring role in the recent animated Peter Rabbit movie became the focus of a boycott from allergy groups in 2018 after a plot point in the film involved Peter and pals ganging up on Farmer McGregor’s allergy-suffering great nephew and lodging a blackberry in his throat to induce an anaphylactic shock.

With a teaser trailer for S4 of Succession released this week, we thought it might be worth checking in on the state of play with show’s most obvious influence: The Murdochs.

There’s been a lot of talk in media circles this month that Rupert (Logan) is about to merge News Corp and Fox Corp again. Behind the scenes though, word is that he’s not the main driver of it. It’s the brainchild of heir designate, Lachlan Murdoch (Kendall).

Lachlan is all in to make the merger happen even though it threatens to cause a huge family blow-up in the process – as Elisabeth (Shiv), Prudence (Connor) and particularly James (Roman) are all said to be incandescent about the idea. They think the final straw for News Corp would be contaminating it with the headbangers of Fox News again.

North American tours of Broadway musicals have had very strict Covid protocols in place ever since the theatres re-opened last year in order to protect productions. Stage door meet-and-greets are a thing of the past. There’s daily testing and vaccine card checks for anyone with backstage access. Masks are required everywhere in the “Covid bubble” and drivers whisk performers back to their hotels as soon as the show ends to limit exposure.

It might seem excessive, but a single cancelled performance can cost the touring company tens of thousands of dollars.

It might also be a little futile too, as Grindr users in big touring cities have noticed that the app always seems to get flooded with a fresh wave of chorus boys everytime a new show comes to town…

Want an original My Chemical Romance Black Parade outfit?
[Bid on eBay]

An LA dominatrix reviews dominatrix scenes in TV and movies
[Watch on YouTube]

Fascinating piece on how Chinese citizens use puns to escape online censorship
[Read on RestOfWorld]

A list of people and companies to have cut ties with Kanye
[Read on The Root]

Lemurs pick their noses and eat it: CONFIRMED
[See it here]

An in-depth look at Taylor Swift’s pen-holding technique
[Read on Slate]

“A LOTTA GOOD THAT DOES ME, MATE!”
[A story on TikTok]

Will Anyone Buy My Liz Truss Book?
[An author wonders]

Still Bored?
Next week is the world premiere of Fuck It Up, the Towers of London documentary. Buy tickets and see the real life Spinal Tap – 3rd Nov, Hackney Picturehouse

[Tickets and info here]