The Daily Tonic: A Bunch Of C-Words

With all the confusing and counter-intuitive advice that the government is offering around coronavirus, Popbitch readers might be a little muddled now that the Deputy Chief Medical Officer is telling people to avoid “The Three Cs” to help limit the spread of the virus – particularly as we’ve always told you that “The Four Cs” were a big celebrity indulgence to be enjoyed after every evening meal.

To clarify the Cs then…

The Three Cs: The things Jonathan Van-Tam is advising people to avoid (Closed spaces, Crowded places, Close-contact settings)

The Four Cs: The things Tom Jones insists on having after dinner (Champagne, Cigars, Cognac, Cunt)

For reasons we really can’t explain, we spent a lot of last Friday revisiting Dead 7: the zombie film written and produced by Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys – starring various members of BSB, N*Sync and O-Town.

Nick wasn’t the first celebrity to turn his hand to movie-making, nor was he the last, so today we want to know about other famous people who have taken a punt on the silver screen – and find out how successfully they managed to change lanes.

Today’s Question: What are the worst, weirdest and most audacious movies made by famous non-movie stars?

Tell us your stories of shit celebrity cinema at hello@popbitch.com and we’ll dish up some digital goodies to our favourites.

AB writes:
“Many years ago working for a music TV channel I went to interview Miley Cyrus at a set up her label had put together at one of the retro bowling lanes in central London. I was the last of a bunch of interviews on the same set up, running a bit late, so the bowling lane started letting in a few private parties who had pre-booked – including a group of young teen girls at a birthday party who completely lost it when they saw Hannah Montana sitting and having an interview.

“They obviously couldn’t contain themselves and, after a couple of interruptions, Miley asked for a minute. She went over and told the girls that if they left her to do her boring interview she’d come over and bowl with them afterwards. True to her word, once I was done with my questions and wrapping up with the crew, she went over and played an entire game with them.”

misterswan writes:
“Back in the 90s, I worked in a gay bar in Middlesbrough. A lot of acts appeared there, but when Rustie Lee released a single, we booked her and I was tasked with making sure she had everything she needed. She was very friendly and chatty with me. Once she was settled, she rolled this humongous spliff and said to me ‘You’re supposed to make sure I’m happy? Start this off for me and I will be.’

“Needless to say, 10 minutes later I was zonked. Luckily, not as zonked as Miss Lee, who got up on stage, forgot all the lyrics to her song and just belted out THAT laugh for the duration. She went down a storm.”

Torp writes:
“I’ve always had a mild disdain for Liam Gallagher’s arrogant posturing. One day, in 2003 or so, I was on Marylebone High Street and making my way round the corner of Agnès B, when I bumped, bodily, into Liam Gallagher coming round the corner from the other direction. Realising it was him, and seeing that due to bumping together he had spilled at least four Monster Munch from his opened bag, I had an internal organ clenching moment and braced for aggro. Liam however apologised profusely and very politely and was on his way, four Monster Munch down on the deal.

“I’m not sure this insignificant moment qualifies him for the title of sweet celebrity but I was pleasantly surprised by his politeness and relieved to get through it without one of us crashing through Agnès B’s window with a broken nose.”

Today’s ten tracks are all linked by the common thread of sweetness. Not kindness, or generosity, or benevolence. Actual, sugar-coated, sticky-fingered sweetness.

You get a point for each track you correctly identify and a further point for each artist too. Ten tracks, twenty points.

[Here we go again]

Japanese mascots getting stuck
[A Twitter thread]

The Silence Of The Lambs house is up for sale
[Own Buffalo Bill’s lair]