The Daily Tonic: Bowls Of Cigarettes

Here’s the thing. Orgasms help you sleep. Working up a sweat lets the body cool off naturally. So the best way to tackle this heatwave is with LELO. With great deals on their dazzling range of sex toys and tech at the moment, they’re also offering free delivery on all orders too. Sweet dreams… [Embrace the heat; check out LELO]

A quick dose of gossip, smut and silliness Subscribe

* Pelting Eamonn with bread!

* Roland’s meaty gifts!

* PLUS: A Glastonbury audio round…

>> Out of order <<

Gassing the godfather of soul

Festival toilets for punters are legendarily horrible, but the backstage VIP bogs aren’t all sunshine and roses either.
When James Brown appeared at T In The Park in 2005, he had the misfortune of following New Order’s Bernard Sumner into the portaloos. After making a particularly ripe deposit, Sumner was keen to escape unseen – but bumped into James as he was vacating the loo and was still within earshot when Brown locked the door and let out a muffled “Good GOD!”

ay_ay writes: “Best celebrity fact: Bobby Farrell of Boney M died on the same day and in the same city as Rasputin who the band famously sang about.”

>> Circuit breakers <<

Question of the day

Thanks for all your stories of weird line-ups and celebrity bartenders. Inspired by an email we got in about a corporate presentation given by Eamonn Holmes (below), we’re curious to know what other celebrities do for their lucrative after-dinner speaking routines.
Today’s Question: Who have you seen deliver an after-dinner speech and what did they blather on about? Who was funny? Who was lazy? Who got heckled? Who was unexpectedly brilliant?
Tell us all about corporate celebrity patter and we’ll repay your kindness with digital goody bags for the best: hello@popbitch.com

JPO writes: “15 years ago, Jersey’s favourite son, Henry Cavill, was popping the lids off WKDs behind the bar at the island’s Liquid nightclub. He was ridiculously handsome and very polite.”

>> Ash in hand <<

Curious corporate setlist

EM writes:

“I saw Keith Harris and Orville’s adult show ‘Duck Off’ in 2000. It was as part of the weirdest evening put together by Camel cigarettes.
“While Keith was the headliner, the other two acts were just as bizarre. It started out with the guy from the Seahorses who wasn’t John Squire doing a solo acoustic set. Then next up was Daniel Kitson.
“There were bowls of free fags on every table.”

JB writes: “Strangest thing I’ve ever seen was the Kiss tour last year where the support act was a guy on stage painting. Guessing they didn’t want to be upstaged but it was all rather odd.”

>> Cannibal meat <<

A very special Gift

DP writes:

“A couple of years ago I went to see Roland Gift at Bristol Fleece. The support was a piss-poor working men’s club-style entertainer who didn’t go down too well, followed by Mr Gift who did a fine set of Fine Young Cannibals stuff and Motown classics.
“Odd enough support act we thought, but halfway through Roland’s set he stopped so the support act could draw a meat raffle.
“We must have arrived after the tickets had been sold but there were a LOT of quizzical looks from the audience and one happy punter who went away with a corner shop blue bag of what I presume was room temperature meat.”

BoneyMLP writes: “I got given tickets to go see Barry Manilow two years ago. Was sat there, the lights go down and the crowd goes mad… and Born Slippy plays with the lights strobing. Then he just went into a standard Manilow setlist. Very weird.”

>> Roll with it <<

Eamonn’s celebrity slideshow

RW writes:

“I once was at an awards do for the pharmaceutical industry (sadly not the fun pharmaceuticals) where the after dinner speaker was Eamonn Holmes. His presentation consisted of photos of him with more-famous-than-him people he’d met. Zero links to the industry or the topic in question.
“His speech ended when pissed, bored drugs reps pelted him with bread rolls.”

JC writes: “Nick Pickard off of Hollyoaks was often found behind the bar of the Chilled Eskimo in Ladbroke Grove. On busy Notting Hill Carnival weekends, co-stars Jeremy Edwards and Will Mellor would be roped in to help out too.”

>> Quarantunes <<

Your first Glastonbury special

Over the next few days, the audio rounds are going to have a theme: bands that would have been performing at Glastonbury this weekend.
Instead, they’re being given a slightly different honour. Getting one of their songs chopped up and minced together into the Popbitch Daily Audio Quiz.
You get a point for every song title and a point for every artist.
[Twenty points total]

POPBITCH POPQUIZZES: We’ve got some more new quizzes in the pipeline, but the original set is still available if you haven’t yet tried them and need some weekend activity…

[PBPQ: Get them here]

>> Hmmms <<

A couple of quick things

Remember Shittyflute? The YouTube channel that has horrible recorder covers of pop hits? A bank is now using it as their hold music.

[Listen here]
Hotel Fück might be good for those travelling together, but if you’re travelling solo? Try the Wanker Guesthouse in Austria.

[A five star experience]

Thanks to: ay_ay, JPO, EM, JB, DP, BoneyMLP, RW, JC

Old Jokes Home

Someone broke into my house and stole all my lamps.

I know I should be upset, but I’m actually delighted.

Fancy Another?