The Daily Tonic: Coronavirus On Tour

As it seems we’re going to be spending the rest of the weekend discussing why, when and if Dominic Cummings broke the very lockdown rules that he already had a contentiously large hand in creating, we feel we need to point out one quick detail that’s at risk of being overshadowed.

If you ever choose to drive the 250-odd miles from London to the Cummings’ family farm just south of Durham, it’s pretty easy to find. You just need to turn off the A167 at a junction known locally as “Cock O’ The North”.

The junction took its name from a pub that used to stand there that’s long since been demolished. But thanks to Dom, it looks like the name will live on for a while yet.

Cock O The North might not catch on in common parlance, but we’re curious to know about other well-known people who have unusual nicknames, pet names or go by other such terms of endearment.

Today’s Question: Do you know the secret nicknames of any celebrities?

Tell us what you know to hello@popbitch.com and we’ll send out some digital goodies to our favourites.

CA writes:
“Sophie Ellis Bextor once performed at my local leisure-centre-cum-gig-venue. Being the most famous person to come to town since… ever, a friend and I waited for Sophie at the stage door/squash court exit. Being barely 16, we were shitfaced on off-brand Smirnoff Ice and loudly singing ‘Take Me Home’ to the chagrin of the security guards.

“As Sophie appeared we screamed so loudly that I immediately vomited, sprinkling her shoes with sick. She was ushered away and we were told off by some local mums who had also waited for an autograph. My friend Rachel was also sick soon after and we were escorted off the premises.”

AJP writes:
“Back in the early 2000s, I went to a party held at the Fun Lovin Criminals’ huge suite at the Great Eastern (now the Andaz) Hotel at Liverpool St.

“I got suitably munted on all the available treats and, after several hours, found myself thirsty, at which point I spotted Huey pouring out champagne nearby. I swooped in, picked up a discarded champagne flute and stuck it under Huey’s nose. He was pouring in some fizz before, to my utter shock, he yelled out “WHOA, SMOKE!” and threw the flute into a nearby dustbin. I was so wasted I hadn’t realised the flute I’d picked up had a fag butt in it.

“Huey kindly found me a new clean flute, and whilst he was concentrating on filling it up for me, I leant over and nicked the spliff right out of his mouth, before waltzing off into the night.

“I have always wanted to apologise for my rude lig girl behaviour. I’m sorry Huey, but damn you throw a great party.”

F writes:
“Giant Haystacks, the legendary 1970s wrestler, was opening a wing of the sports centre in the town I’m from. I heckled him, saying Big Daddy was better. He told me to ‘shut the fuck up’. I was eight. Scared the shit out of me.”

F2 writes:
“I used to work as security for gigs at what was Nottingham Trent Poly. M People were playing once and Heather Small made a big fuss about not liking the backstage toilets. I told her I could get her a bucket to piss in if she wanted and she tried to get me sacked.”

MF writes:
“My history teacher’s dad taught Emperor Haile Selassie to play darts in a pub in Wimbledon during WW2.”

In honour of Dominic Cummings’ ill-advised coronavirus roadtrip, we present the 65th Popbitch Popquiz audio round: a open road special, featuring children.

You get a point for identify the artist(s) and a point for naming the song. Ten songs. Twenty points. 250 miles of harmless, healthy fun.

[Play it here]

The full version of Kendall Roy’s rap from Succession
[Listen to L to the OG]

Eleanor Rigby, pitch-shifted to just use two notes
[Horrifying]

As Pac-Man turns 40 today, here’s a version as a first person shoot-em-up
[Play it here]