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The Daily Tonic: Good For What Eels Ya

 

The theatre might be shut for the moment, but Soho Theatre On Demand is still bringing you the best in live comedy and cabaret. As well as the live stage recording of Fleabag (profits of which go to charity) there are loads of live comedy shows they’ve made on there – including Nish Kumar, Mae Martin, Panti Bliss, Joel Dommett, Josie Long and more.
[Rent a show for just £4]
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A quick dose of gossip, smut and silliness Subscribe
* Ray Winstone’s hangover cure!
* Keith Richards’ grasp on comedy!
* PLUS: Your 40th audio round…
>> Amazing Grace <<
The oyster rider test
 

Grace Jones played the Barrowlands in Glasgow on this day in 2003, but the gig almost didn’t happen after Grace noticed that the oysters she’d asked for on her rider were missing. The promoter said they’d be “lucky to find a jar of pickled mussels at 9pm on a Sunday in the East End of Glasgow” but Grace dug her heels in.

Somehow, they managed to track down a half-dozen before the city’s restaurant kitchens shut for the night and Grace was finally convinced to go on stage, albeit two hours late.

True to form, she gave an amazing show, wearing a different hat for every song and flashing her fanny to the crowd at one point. It wasn’t until after, when the band had packed up and left, that organisers noticed the oysters were still in the green room – completely untouched.

Her 2003 rider wasn’t a patch on the ones she demanded in the 80s. Ken Livingstone once had to rescind an invitation to play the Greater London Council’s end-of-summer party because one of Ms Jones’ requests was £10K of coke.
>> Question time <<
Bartering with the stars
 

We know that celebrities at a certain stage in their career will happily auction off any old memorabilia on eBay or Depop – but what are they like to deal with as merchants and buyers?

Today’s Question: Have you ever bought something from a star? Or have you ever sold them anything?

Send us your tales of celebrity transactions – both online and off – to hello@popbitch.com and we’ll dish out some digital goodies to the ones we feature.

The Japanese band Boris have a pretty unique request on their rider. They’re so addicted to Pokemon Go that they insist on some time for the band to go out and spin the nearby Pokestops and battle the locals in their gyms.
>> Celebrity cures <<
Good for what eels ya
 

EC writes:
“I have it on good account that Ray Winstone’s hangover cure is good old fashioned whelks and eels. He even arranged a traditional van full of the seaside fare to arrive the morning after a particularly raucous house party.”

Celebrity Mocktails: Bella Freud swears by a teetotal combo of angostura bitters and tonic water.
>> Canned goods <<
Beefy’s boozy cover-up
 

As well taking his wine by the pint, Ian Botham has been known to indulge in a variation of Ronnie Woods’ coffee cup/beerachino trick too.

Someone who worked for the leukaemia charity that Beefy supported when he did those Land’s End to John o’ Groats walks says that the cans of fizzy drink he’d carry while walking were often liberally shot through with tequila.

Also to add to the Wine By The Pint list: Cerys Matthews.
>> A light gagging <<
Jokes of the rich and famous
 

As most of the jokes that celebrities have told you use the worst language imaginable, we’re going to have to ration them so that we don’t end up getting caught in your spam filters.

But here’s a relatively clean one.

Keith Richards:
Q/ What’s the difference between pink and purple?
A/ The grip

Has a celebrity told you a joke we can publish without getting #cancelled? Let us know at hello@popbitch.com
>> Quarantunes <<
Reaching the big 4-0
 

Here it is. The 40th audio round of lockdown. If you’ve played every single round of this so far, you’ll have spent a good hour and a half of your life listening to fragments of weird old pop songs mashed up like this.

And if you haven’t, there’s still time to catch up.

As ever, it’s ten songs, twenty points: one for the artist, one for the song.

[Play it here]

If you’re wanting a slightly more substantial quiz fix, we’ve put together a range of downloadable Popbitch Popquiz packages, all filled with questions, puzzles and activities designed to be completed in quarantine. Host one for your colleagues! Challenge your friends! Disgust your parents!
[Take a look at your options]
>> Hmmms <<
A couple of quick things
 

Local News Of The Week: Kim Jong Un edition
[Read on North Wales Live]

Relive the 1999 MTV Europe Music Awards in Dublin
[Such style]

Another clicking browser game, where you build a meth empire
[Clicking Bad]

Thanks to: JCC, NW, monstris, AW, EC, CC, LB, AM
Old Jokes Home
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.
But this is as close as I could get.

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