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The Daily Tonic: Noddy’s Milk Round

 

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A quick dose of gossip, smut and silliness Subscribe
* Undercover with Jeremy Vine!
* Matt’s pocket full of pebbles!
* PLUS: A working audio round…
>> Daddy issues <<
A smile from ear to ear
 

Social media has spent the last 24 hours roasting Wayne Lineker for posting the list of demands he has for a potential girlfriend. It’s generated some solid burns, but none so devastating as the one we heard last year.

During a trip to Ibiza not too long ago, Gary Lineker was out on the town when he was approached by a young woman asking for a selfie. Gary gamely agreed to pose with her and listened along quite happily as she told him all about how she’d been at the Ocean Beach Club earlier that day and had her photo taken with the resort’s boss: Gary’s younger brother, Wayne.

But his ears properly perked up when she asked him: “Tell me, Gary. Is Wayne your dad?”

Ryan Gosling’s karaoke song of choice is Push It by Salt-N-Pepa.
>> High pretension <<
Question of the day
 

Thanks for all your stories of famous people’s first jobs. There’ll be a couple more in due course, but today we want to know: Who are the most pretentious celebrities you’ve ever met?

Send your tales of pseudy celebs to us at hello@popbitch.com and we’ll repay the favour in digital goodies for the best of them.

Bill Withers’ first job was making toilet seats for Boeing airliners. He wrote Ain’t No Sunshine during that time.
>> McSnoop <<
Jeremy goes undercover
 

R writes:
“I worked with a pre-fame Jeremy Vine. For one day.

“He was a reporter on the Coventry Evening Telegraph and blagged his way into a job at the branch of McDonald’s where I had a Saturday job. He worked one shift, wrote a completely ridiculous report and then never showed up again, leaving us short-staffed for several shifts. I’ve never forgiven him.

“He later achieved even greater notoriety by causing a major terrorist alert in Coventry city centre by tailing someone famous in his car.”

Before joining the Backstreet Boys, Kevin worked as a Ninja Turtle at Disneyworld in Florida.
>> Bo’ select-her! <<
Behind every great man…
 

dick_the_butcher writes:
“I used to work at the Paramount Comedy Channel in central London (before it became Comedy Central). Most annoying person in the office was a guy in the graphics department: one Leigh Francis, who went onto be Avid Merrion / Keith Lemon.

“He always told everyone he wanted to be a comedian, so good for him that he actually made it. Sadly we didn’t find him funny. He’d tour the office most days stopping at your desk to tell a series of shit jokes while you were trying to work. I don’t think anyone was honest enough to tell him to do one. Rather we’d all pretend to laugh for 10 minutes until he went to entertain someone else.

“We did all meet his wife once in the pub. She was a beautician called Jill. She was hilarious, had us all in stitches. They should have given her a show.”

One of Noddy Holder’s first jobs was as a milkman. Among the customers on his route was Ozzy Osbourne’s dad.
>> Busted drag <<
Mini rock star loves mini rocks
 

N writes:
“I used to go to Cubs with Matt from Busted. He was a fairly normal kid – if quite hyperactive – but had a few odd tendencies.

“He was forever dressing up in drag for the various pantos we put on, and had a habit of headbutting the Scout hut wall when he lost British Bulldog. But it was his obsession with pebbles that really sticks in the mind. At any time he would have seemingly endless supplies of small rocks in his pocket which he’d proudly produce on request.”

KoS writes: “A friend’s mother used to work with Terry Wogan at a bank before he became famous. His hair was thinning in those days and she was surprised to see him later on TV with a full head of hair. Turns out he had several hair-pieces of varying length to give the impression it was his own hair at different stages of natural growth.”
>> Quarantunes <<
#138: Whistle while you work
 

In keeping with all this job-talk, today’s audio round consists of ten tracks with titles or artist names that are somehow related to the world of work. As always, you get a point for each correctly identified song and a point for each correctly identified artist.

Ten songs; twenty points.

[Have at it]

The Popbitch Summer Fundraiser is still open, so if you want our special PB1000 Bundle, featuring 20 Best Of issues, the Popbitch Puzzlebook and a collection of our long-form articles, anyone who donates £5 or more this month will be sent one. [Donate to Popbitch here]
>> Hmmms <<
A couple of quick things
 

Kim Cattrall’s freestyle jazz
[See on YouTube]

Unfortunate graphic design of the week
[Poor Anak Malaysia]

Who called Boris on Friday?
[The Fence draws up some odds]

Thanks to: RS, monstris, ROH, King Of Sweden, NT, dick_the_butcher
Old Jokes Home
I switched all the labels on my wife’s spice rack.
She hasn’t noticed yet, but the thyme is cumin.

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