The Lineker Family Tree

The best bit of pop trivia we heard this week (possibly ever)?

The man who inspired the Britney Spears track Toxic was someone that the song’s co-writer Cathy Dennis had been dating in the early 00s, who broke up with her in 2003: Noel Fitzpatrick.

It’s unlikely you’d have known who he was at the time (unless you had a sick spaniel) but he’s better known to most people nowadays… as Channel 4’s Supervet!

After Lorraine Kelly’s stone-cold snub on Good Morning Britain on Monday, lots of you have been wanting to know what the deal is with her and Esther McVey. Must have been something awful to have turned that cuddly little Lorraine character into such a heartless assassin, no?

Well, we hate to disappoint you but it seems as if there’s no one particular incident that underpins the beef. We’ve been asking around all week for clues but, as far as anyone’s been prepared to spill, most (if not all) of McVey’s GMTV colleagues always thought she was a dick. Lorraine just happened to be the first one put on the spot.

It does beg the question though: why did Lorraine not just pretend to be nice? It was only a few seconds. Why didn’t she put on a bit of that famed, tax-avoiding charm that won her so many admirers at HMRC?

The best guess is that Lorraine chose to make her snub deliberate in a show of solidarity with her old pal (and McVey’s former co-host) Ross Kelly, who came out publicly shortly after leaving the show.

Staffers for which MP in the South East are being tasked with some very delicate assignments? One of them was recently asked to deliver their boss’s stool sample to their GP.

As the nation buckles in for yet another grippingly gaffe-riddled Tory leadership contest, we felt it was time for Popbitch to do its national duty and give you a proper rundown of the candidates.

Who will prevail in this rag-tag bunch of hopefuls? We have no idea – but we’ll be keeping our guide updated as and when it becomes necessary.

[Read PM Tea on Popbitch]

We’ve previously had cause to mention the multiple eyewitness reports we’ve heard of Michael Gove’s unnerving habit in the gents – the one where he slips his willy out of his trousers long before he’s anywhere near the urinal, and then is equally slow to rehouse it as he walks over to the sink.

Turns out he’s not alone in this habit.

Former colleagues of Rod Liddle recall in horror that he too liked to start his piss preparations early. He used to start getting himself ready while walking across the office floor, usually managing to get his fly open, his belt unbuckled and the top button of his trousers undone before he’d even reached the toilet door.

During a recent trip to Ibiza, Gary Lineker was out on the town one night when he was approached by a young woman asking for a selfie. Gary gamely agreed to pose with her and she started chatting to him. He listened along quite happily as she told him about how she’d been at the Ocean Beach Club earlier that day and had got a photo with the resort’s boss (Gary’s younger brother) Wayne Lineker.

But his ears properly perked up when she asked him: “Tell me, Gary. Is Wayne your dad?”

Say what you want about James Corden (and we often do), he does like to look after his mates.

For example, he once tried to pull in a favour for his old pal and roommate, Dominic Cooper, by introducing him to a PR who worked for a luxury car brand. The brand in question were happy to loan vehicles to stars of a certain calibre, so Corden tried to fix him up with a freebie.

He duly typed out a message for Dom to let him know that he’d passed on his number to this PR woman, that she was “a bit of a twat” but would definitely be able to sort him out with a free car to use for the year.

You can guess who he ended up sending it to…

Mick Jagger’s miserly ways aren’t softening with age. The man who once took a private jet to attend a Stones tour meeting in which the decision was taken to strike luxury biscuits from the rider to trim overheads is still at it.

When Mick was holidaying in Europe, he was assigned a driver by his hotel. Treating this driver like a personal concierge, Mick tasked him with finding a small decent restaurant he could eat at. Simple enough, right? But there was a catch. Mick wanted to eat in peace, so insisted there be no other diners present.

At enormous personal hassle, the driver spent every free moment ringing around town trying to find somewhere that would shut down their entire restaurant just so Mick could eat alone. Eventually he found a place.

Mick was so pleased with the results that he got this driver to perform all manner of mundane administrative tasks on his behalf all week. And when he returned Mick safely to the airport at the end of his trip, what did Jagger tip the driver?

Nothing.

We told you last week that crew on Gravity each got a personalised wooden swing with a positive affirmation carved into the seat as a parting gift from the film’s two biggest stars – but it turns out that Sandra Bullock went one further and got them all another little gift too.

On the first day of shooting, Sandra made the entire crew pose for a full company photo. By the time the movie wrapped almost a year later, most of them had forgotten all about it. Until she presented them all with a photo of that photo being held by an astronaut on a space shuttle with Earth in the background.

Turns out she had befriended some astronauts during her research for the part and had called in a favour.

In China, one recent form of satirical commentary has been to liken President Xi to Winnie The Pooh. It might seem gentle, but comparisons to the docile cartoon character have irked the authorities so much that they have blocked mentions and images of Pooh from social media to stop people making fun of their leader.

There’s been a similar sort of kitschy dissent developing in Hong Kong over recent weeks as well. People protesting the controversial extradition bill have been seen on the streets waving customised Pikachu mascots and signs. Why? To take a sly pop at Hong Kong’s Secretary for Security… John Lee Ka-chiu.

Pop a bottle for your dad this Father’s Day (and get £75 off your first order into the bargain) with Naked Wines
[Take a look here]

Molly Smitten-Downes’ dress from Eurovision 2014 is on eBay. Don’t all rush at once!
[Place a bid]

The dogging hotspots of North London
[Did your favourite make it?]

RIP Spencer, the number one fan of our Old Jokes Home. His pals are fundraising in his memory
[Donate on Just Giving]

“They didn’t shout ‘Death to TriBeCa'” – Jon Stewart takes congress to task
[Watch on PBS]

We’re LOVING Breakbot’s remix of Lizzo’s Juice
[Listen on YouTube]

Local News Of The Week: suspicious sausage edition
[Read on Bristol Post]

We’ve added more dates for the Popbitch Popquiz if you want to get a team together?
[Tuesday 25th June]
[Tuesday 9th July]
[Tuesday 23rd July]

Still Bored?
Last call to get tickets for Neil Hamburger’s opening night at the Soho Theatre on Monday (June 17th). We’ll be there – so come and say hi! Get £10 tickets and a free drink at the bar with the code “PBHAMBURGER”
[Join us!]