The Perfect Blend

Now that Kevin Spacey has been found not guilty, talk has turned to him starting up work again – but it might not be so simple. Since Spacey has been on sabbatical, producers have had a lot of time to reflect upon the wisdom of hiring A-listers with such well-established reputations – and safe-guarding is now much more of a concern than it used to be.

Essentially, everyone is wary not to end up in the same situation that the Old Vic put itself in with its famed production of David Mamet’s Speed-The-Plow, where Spacey was acting opposite Jeff Goldblum.

Management had to be on high alert for the entire run, looking out for every young staffer in the building – keeping the girls at arm’s length from Goldblum on the one hand, and the boys from Spacey on the other.

We were surprised to read reports this week that the Beckhams have been feuding with locals out in the Cotswolds. From all we’ve heard, we thought they had a rather cosy relationship with the neighbours.

David is forever popping next door to Soho Farmhouse to cadge bits and bobs whenever he’s running short, and staff there always gladly oblige him.

The only time they’ve ever had to refuse him anything was when he was looking to borrow a blender. Kitchen staff had to draw the line at that because they only had the one – and half their menu relies on it.

Which megastar was recently discovered zonked out of their brain at Soho Farmhouse, crawling around in a horse stall on all fours, yelling that they’d always wanted to be a pony?

There’s a chance – a chance – that the recent Dan Wootton stories haven’t come as a complete surprise to the big cheeses at NewsUK.

Last year, the Sun threw a party to celebrate 40 years of the Bizarre showbiz column, inviting all its former stalwarts and editors to a big, fancy cocktail bash. The turnout was impressive, but one former editor – Gordon Smart – was notably absent.

Editor Vic Newton made mention of this as part of her speech on the night, passing on Gordon’s reason for not attending. She informed the crowd (including Dan) that Smart was a no-show because he’d said he never wanted to be in the same postcode, let alone the same room, as Dan Wootton.

Or, to quote her exactly “…that cunt Dan Wootton.”

How should Dan Wootton be feeling about the fact that NewsUK has hired Kingsley Napley as external lawyers to investigate all these recently aired allegations of workplace bullying, sexual catfishing and redirection of company funds to pay sex workers?

Well, it’s a bit of a mixed bag. On the plus side, Kingsley Napley has previously worked miracles for Murdoch, managing to get Rebekah Brooks off all those pesky phone-hacking charges back in the day.

Their track record with suspected sex cases is less impressive though – and, sadly, former client Rolf Harris is no longer on hand to offer a testimonial.

Bad as things are for Dan Wootton right now, he can take a small amount of solace in the fact that most of the celebrities he’s turned over in his career are keeping a dignified silence about their experience of him. That boot can’t be far off dropping though.

We heard the Dan Wootton charm offensive for ourselves once, live and direct, while we were out for lunch with a popstar’s people. Midway through the meal, Dan called – demanding to speak with their client.

He had just conducted an interview with the popstar’s estranged father about his ill health, and was now insisting that the singer grant him a tell-all interview in response. How did Dan attempt to secure such a delicate, emotional exclusive? By loudly and sustainedly screaming down the phone that he would see to it that her career would be ruined if she didn’t sit down with him and tell him all about her sick dad.

She declined. And that’s why you never hear of Adele any more…

Ncuti Gatwa has landed himself in a bit of hot water with his media handlers this week with the ongoing writers/actors strike.

In fairness to Ncuti, it’s not always entirely clear exactly how the rules of the US SAG-AFTRA strike are supposed to apply to UK Equity members – but he’s drawn some flak for posting a recent Elle cover to his Instagram Stories that features a profile of Barbie director Greta Gerwig (an action which could be construed as promoting struck work).

It’s probably an honest mistake, but Ncuti has long since lost the benefit of the doubt from his team. Producers have already had multiple causes to read him the riot act about his online indiscretions after being caught on camera with joints, accidentally publishing embargoed Doctor Who artwork and – the funniest complaint of all – promoting Gillian Anderson’s G-Spot.

(It’s the name of her drinks brand.)

When Battersea Power Station was being redeveloped, developers tried to show the Malaysian investors what a good job they’d been doing by printing up some glossy promotional brochures showing off the building – using the iconic Pink Floyd album cover with the huge floating pig as its central graphic.

Several thousand copies then had to be shredded when someone pointed out that Malaysia is a majority Muslim country and the investors weren’t happy seeing a gigantic pig looming over their brand new investment.

Not the sort of mistake you’d make twice. Or at least you’d think so.

When the big Marks & Spencer launched there, one of the central attractions was someone dressed in a seven foot Percy Pig costume. A costume that was met with stern disapproval when the Malaysian moneymen saw it. They insisted it was removed, never to be seen at the store again.

Colin The Caterpillar is halal though – so he has been allowed to stay.

Not to add to the interminable Farage banking discourse, but it was probably inevitable that NatWest CEO Alison Rose had to resign. You can’t pick and choose when you enforce the rules protecting your client’s private account details.

Because if a bunch of staff from the NatWest call centre could get themselves fired for accessing Liam Gallagher’s account details (just to see how much he’d really earned from Be Here Now) then the same sort of standards have to be applied to those at the top.

We get that the public might have had their fill of lockdown party stories – but have journalists really become so jaded about it all that they’re not going to investigate the pictures that have been circulating about newsrooms recently, supposedly showing the old Chipping Norton set flouting guidelines at a golf day and party that took place under restrictions?

There’s some pretty famous faces present. Jeremy Clarkson’s for one. Rebekah and Charlie Brooks’ for two more. Billionaire Tory donor Tony Gallagher for a fourth. And possibly some others…

A highlights reel of Sinead O’Connor’s filthiest tweets, approved by Sinead herself and set to her music
[“Pissed her Levis” at it, apparently]

Cruising In The Trenches: How hook-up culture endures in Ukraine as the missiles fall
[Read on The Fence]

Life imitating art: could cocaine shark become a reality?
[Sky News]

Scorsese’s daughter is making TikToks again…
[ft. Marty]

Jive Bunny’s coming back?
[Read on Insider Media]

Sondheim’s Manhattan townhouse is up for sale
[See the $7m listing]

Local Headline Of The Week: “Royal Albion Hotel Fire: Princess Diana ‘Spotted’ In Wreck”
[Read on The Argus]