The Rainbow of Darkness

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* David Beckham’s flying dogs

* Playing with A$$AP Rocky

* Charts: Calvin v Despacito for No.1

>> Mmmm, Danan <<

Make some motherfucking noise

“I’m a likeable guy… I hope.” And with those words, Paul Danan walked into the Celebrity Big Brother house.Paul’s always resented being known as “that crazy drunk guy from Celebrity Love Island”, so it’s good that he’s now got the chance to become better known as “that crazy heroin-snorting guy from Celebrity Big Brother”.
Just in case he doesn’t get to mention some of his other career highlights in the house:
* He once tried to have a crack at Cameron Diaz, by sending a handbag to her agent’s office and then turning up at the Charlie’s Angels premiere uninvited to ask if she’d received his gift.
* He once had a date with Melanie Sykes, but his car broke down so he had to get his mum to give him and Mel a lift to the restaurant. (There was no second date.)
* He once spent so long trying to chat up Billie Piper at a music industry party, Billie grabbed a stranger and begged him to pretend he was her boyfriend so she could get rid of him.
* He once got fired from his job in panto in Preston because when he was booked to switch on the Christmas lights he yelled “MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING NOISE, PRESTON!” into the microphone – to an audience of rather bemused grannies and children.

Paul Danan’s son has one of the best names in celebrity baby history: DeNiro. As in DeNiro Danan.

>> A$$-Play <<

Plug it in, baby

Nobody believed Kanye when he insisted that he’d never taken a digit up the back door, but if he only knew what some of his contemporaries were getting up to in the bedroom he’d maybe loosen up a little.Apparently A$AP Rocky is bang into pegging. Some of the trendy tattoo Tumblr girls he likes to get down with claim he always carries an array of butt plugs and dildos in his luggage when travelling – and that he’s not shy about asking for what he wants.
When the moment presents itself, he requests that his girls “Play with my asshole like it’s your pussy.”

CBB housemate Sarah Harding earned the nickname “Strike” at school because of her willingness to give blowjobs at the local bowling alley.

>> Big Questions <<

Who’s asking what this week?

Which Academy Award winner has got more mileage than most out of his Oscar? He likes to get new conquests to slather it in lube and slip it up his arse.

Graham Coxon’s daughter Pepper and Damon Albarn’s daughter Missy are forming a band with some other Britpop sprogs.

>> Ford’s Focus <<

Richard Of York GREY BLACK in vain

Tom Ford’s five year old son Jack was learning the Colours Of The Rainbow song at school. Afterwards all the children were asked to draw rainbows. At the end of the day, when Tom arrived to collect Jack, the teacher asked Tom if he could pop in for a quick chat.The teacher explained that she was slightly concerned about the drawing Jack had produced. Jack had drawn a rainbow – but all in different shades of grey and black.
Seems like a career in the arts beckons…

Radio 4 had a news report this week on the rise in people dying from taking cocaine. The reporter on it? Nick Beake.

>> Goldenpaws <<

The mutt’s nuts

David Beckham’s post-football, very public slide into mid-life crisis might finally be averted, as this week the Major League Soccer bosses gave the best indication yet that his long quest to set up a Miami franchise might actually happen.Which is great news for Derek and Victoria, but not such good news for the family pets. When Becks was playing for LA Galaxy they decided they missed their UK dogs so much that they had a private jet fly over to London to pick them up. When the pooches arrived at their LA mansion however, it quickly became obvious that they couldn’t cope with the summer heat. So they were put back on the private jet and flown home again.
At a cost of over £100,000.

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>> The book of moron <<

Trapped in Nolan’s land

Christopher Nolan’s film the Prestige was adapted from Chris Priest’s novel of the same name – but when Nolan was making it he refused to let the book’s publisher put a still from the film on the reissued edition. Even when he was told it would help boost sales and raise the profile of the original author, Nolan still refused because he “didn’t want people reading the book”.That included one unfortunate extra he caught reading the novel on set. Nolan ripped it out of his hands and threw it away, because he felt any knowledge of the book would detract from his vision of Priest’s story.
Whether or not he’s hoping to lay claim to the story of the Dunkirk evacuation in the same way remains to be seen.
FYI: Christopher Nolan’s aunt is Helga from ‘Allo ‘Allo.

Soho has a new restaurant coming: Flavour Bastard opens soon on Frith Street.

>> TARD-on <<

The next degeneration

One thing that a female doctor in Doctor Who might do is put an end to some of the laddish pranks on set.
Someone who worked on the show back in the 70s took it upon himself to wallpaper the underside of the Tardis console with jazz mags. Which must have been a nice surprise for Jon Pertwee when he filmed a scene where he had to crawl underneath the TARDIS with his sonic screwdriver.
FYI: Shane Richie once read for Doctor Who.

Homelessness never takes a holiday. Help a rough sleeper off the streets before winter. [Find out how]

>> Lighting rigged <<

Fades into darkness

Avicii appears to be teasing some new music that he’s planning to release later this year, but he seems steadfast in his decision to never tour again. We can’t say we’re surprised.A few years back, Avicii had his people spend months with a team of boffins to create a system that allowed him to control his stadium show’s lights from a smart tablet. For some reason he thought that spending just shy of one million dollars on this technology was a smarter investment than hiring a professional lighting technician to work the lights for him.
But when Avicii arrived at the show and was finally handed the tablet, he couldn’t really understand how it all worked. So, after a few minutes, he just threw the tablet over his shoulder and abandoned the whole idea.

Avicii’s now living by the water in Stockholm and has sunk millions into a full-floor apartment of one of the city’s smartest houses on the Strand.

>> Inaction transvestite <<

A stalled Saturday service

Eddie Izzard was looking great in his heels and floral summer dress in the services on the A243 just past Chessington last Saturday.
Unfortunately the ensemble wasn’t the most practical one for the task at hand. His vintage Volkswagen Beetle had broken down, and he was trying to push it back off the forecourt and into a parking space in the driving rain.
Our Popbitch spies would have offered to help, Eddie, but it seemed like there was no shortage of friendly pushers lending you a hand.

This week’s Media Masters podcast: Stephen Cole. The international broadcast journalist talks about launching news channels and why modern TV news bores him… [Listen/Download on Media Focus]

>> Hmmms <<

Bears, dog bums, otters

Donald Trump teddy bears

[See on gettrumpybear.com]Water fountain? Or dog bidet?

[See on urdogs.com]
A very elegant “Fuck You” suit – perfect for the Scaramucci in your life

[Made by David August]
Local news of the week

[Read on Mid-Devon Gazette]
A supercut of Love Island contestants overreacting to texts 

[View on YouTube]
Rescued sea otter moves into nursery at Vancouver Aquarium

[Read on GlobalNews]
Latest pictures from North Korea’s hotel of doom

[See on NKNews.org]

Thanks to: AB, D, GM, MW, SP, badpussy, S, thegingerprince, TM, deep_stoat, SF, celtiagirl, slackhack, SW, T, gentleman thug, sputnik1, SW, JB, silkybunbuns, JG,

Old Jokes Home:

Q/ Did you hear the counselling course for self-harmers is fully booked?

A/ Those who missed out are kicking themselves.Still Bored?

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