Through The Quayehole

Graham Norton in conversation with Alice Levine (of My Dad Wrote A Porno). Nominally about Graham’s book but, with their credentials, it’s probably going to get a little naughty. Emmanuel Centre, London, June 19th – 6:45pm. Get 10% off tickets by using code POPBITCH http://bit.ly/2qnQQlR

“If I can be in the studio with Jay-Z, with Pharrell, am I going to do it? Shit, yeah. I like to be around greatness” – Lewis Hamilton

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* Perfect Stormzy for Corbyn

* LA story: Reid all about it

* Charts: Despacito is No 1 again

>> Shining star <<

BBC’s hollow crown

The BBC have been making a big deal out of their triumphs at the BAFTAs this week – and it’s true that they did win a lot. The victory must feel a little hollow though.
All the factual wins (Planet Earth II, Exodus: Journey to Earth and Muslims Like Us) were commissioned by Kim Shillinglaw. But Kim’s not at the BBC any more.
They forced her out last year from being BBC2 controller. She’s now at Endemol/Shine.
Oops.

Taylor Swift has never had a UK number one single. Westlife had 14. Weird world, eh?

>> Through the Quayehole <<

Finley’s forgetful palate

One-time popstar and occasional violent attacker, Finley Quaye has moved in to a new place in Manchester. He’s been attempting to make friends with his new neighbours’ by going round to say ‘hello’ fairly often. This is accompanied by trying to scrounge beer off them with the line, “Oh, what beer’s that? Can I try a bit?”
And that unusual beer he just needs to taste?
It’s always Amstel.

Teri Nunn from Berlin was on the shortlist to play Princess Leia.

>> Big Questions <<

Who’s asking what this week?

Eva Green has rejected her costumes for the remake of Dumbo that is currently in production – but which of the outfits caused Ms Green to send Oscar-winning designer, Colleen Attwood, back to the drawing board? (Was it the little red circus top-hat and matching coat; or the grey, baggy, leathery, wrinkly one…?)

Timmy Mallet has been known to go to 80s themed fancy dress parties dressed as himself.

>> LA Story <<

Reid all about it

A chill wind is blowing for the celebrity sex pests of USA. Bill Cosby in disgrace, Roger Ailes and Bill O’Reilly out of Fox News… and now LA Reid out of Sony Music.
One of the most famous music execs in the world – Reid even served as a judge on X Factor US – he was given the heave-ho from Epic Records last week after an assistant alleged harassment. (Reid favoured Rolf Harris’ infamous “Rolfie deserves a cuddle” approach – lying on his hotel bed on business trips and asking the assistant to “give him a hug”.) OK, so there were decades of rumours of catting around and secret pay-offs, but when the end came, it came quick.
It’s said that when America sneezes the rest of the world catches a cold – so there must be a few Brit music execs looking nervously over their shoulders. Because if getting off with your assistant and demeaning your female co-workers is going to be frowned upon, we can think of at least two UK labels that will be looking for some new talent pretty quick…

Fox News installed a female exec, Suzanne Scott, as replacement. Epic have followed suit, president Sylvia Rhone takes over Reid’s role.

>> Bluff and tumble <<

The art of the steal

Former NBC boss Jeff Zucker was talking to the New Yorker recently about how the self-proclaimed Master of The Deal, Donald Trump, went about the negotiations for arranging a fee for the second season of The Apprentice.
Trump came in demanding $1m per episode. Zucker offered him $60,000. Trump accepted.

In Pristina, Kosovo, there’s a Bill Clinton Boulevard, with a statue of Bill Clinton. Next to it? A women’s clothes shop. Called Hillary.

>> Perfect Stormzy <<

Corbyn: down with da kidz

This time last year, we were wrist deep in the pipe of the EU referendum campaign. David Cameron’s supposedly sure-fire gamble cocked up royally and, against the odds, the Leave campaign won.
Now the Tories are once again taking us to the polls, all but convinced of victory – yet we can’t help remembering a story we told last year.
A few weeks before the EU vote, one voice was heard echoing around the halls of Number 10 saying: “We’ve got Lily Cole on board, but what we really need is a grime artist. Does anybody know any grime artists?”
They didn’t. And they still don’t. But you know who does?
https://www.grime4corbyn.com/

Ladbrokes tells us there’s a wedge of money going on Labour this week, including a 1500GBP bet on Corbyn as next PM. Follow @LadPolitics on Twitter for updates and check what all their election markets say here:

http://bit.ly/2quytv7

>> G’day, Kyiv! <<

The half moon of Ukraine

As Europe pointed and laughed at the streaker who draped himself in an Australian flag and rushed the Eurovision stage – his bare arse out for 100+ million people to see – real Aussies were left scratching their heads.
For though it might have seemed like classic Oz lad behaviour, our readers down under told us immediately that he wasn’t a real Aussie. A real Aussie would have stopped to spread his cheeks and have a little waggle before running off.
So future Ukrainian flashers, take note. If you want to be a convincing Australian: give a full moon, or GTFO.
FYI: The flashing prankster, Vitaliy Sediuk, was released without charge, rather than with the Putinesque 5 year prison sentence suggested by Russia Today (and copied right across the media…)

Spotify used its streaming data to predict Eurovision, naming Austria and Denmark as a likely 1-2. (FYI: Austria had 0 points from public.)

>> Old news <<

Padded content

Curious as to the sorts of people who still buy dead-tree media? Well, a consultant working in the retail sector shared a bit of demographic information with us.
Apparently the type of people who still pick up a newspaper in the supermarket are more likely to stick incontinence pads in their baskets than chocolate bars.

Liam Payne on calling his son Bear: “I actually wanted Arthur. I think you sound like a bit of a tank. Arthur Payne. He’s not a guy you’d mess around with.’

>> Cannes-fidentialy <<

This is why he never spoke

Jean–Bernard Fernandez-Versini has come in from the cold and has been telling journalists about his plans for Cannes.
He started off by saying, “When it comes to telling you what’s inside the parties, I’m like a doctor. I cannot talk about my clients. Everything that happens inside those parties remains confidential.”
Only to follow that by saying, “We’re expecting some cool people coming. We’ve got Nicole Kidman. We’re hosting an event for Naomi Campbell for charity Fashion For Relief…”
Who’d have thought a former husband of Cheryl Cole would have such a bad understanding of what confidentiality means?

Media Masters podcast: Ian Burrell. Former media editor of the Indy spills the beans on 20 years of media secrets: http://bit.ly/2qyZziX

>> Brexshit <<

More Eurovision myths

The Sun’s ever-reliable showbiz editor Dan ‘Wooton’ Wootton has been trying his hardest to find a Brexit angle to blame Europe for the UK’s 15th place finish at Eurovision – but has come up a little short.
His argument might have held a bit of water were it not for the fact that over 2/3 of the EU countries competing gave us points (18 out of 25; which is up on the 5 out of 25 that did last year, and the 2 out of 25 that did the year before) – all of which ended up giving us our highest placement since 2011.
And as for his claim that “our entrant did not manage to get a single vote from bitter EU powerhouses Germany or France”?
Except we actually got three points from France and six from Germany (for context: Germany only managed to get six points in total, from all 42 countries)
Stop talking Britain down, Dan!

Battersea’s music, food and booze pub and hub THE GROVE sees in-house Escape Games experts ‘Do Stuff’ launch new ‘Pie and Mash’ escape game by offering 25% off all games with code BITCHESCAPE. Book here: http://www.dostuffescapegames.com

>> Hmmms <<

Piss, pinball, pop songs

Are pop songs getting more repetitive?

http://bit.ly/2qzDhhi
Capybaras in a hot tub:

http://bit.ly/2qvKkJS
Someone finally organised a piss-up in a brewery:

http://bit.ly/2quDhR3
Cute pinball game:

http://letsplay.ouigo.com/
Hacking Mar-a-Lago:

http://bit.ly/2qutpGU
Otterly furious:

http://bbc.in/2pWELAN
Wonder what the Eurovision winner was about? Alexander Rybak has done an English language interpretation:

https://youtu.be/FNd3tyY7CcA
How about a metal version of Amar Pelos Dois?

https://youtu.be/_-riYQB1r3c
Did you vote in Eurovision? Take this survey:

http://bit.ly/ESC_vote

Thanks to: swearboy, LEW, BD, SG, NS, PR, JB, C, PB, PA, JS, SW, GH, Bigdog, PD

Old Jokes Home:

My local cafe is serving Oasis soup.

You get a a roll with it.
Still Bored?

What is the sound of a dying planet? Come and help us find out:

http://bit.ly/2qvQ8TK

Fancy Another?