They say Noël Coward was ‘the original popstar’, much like Andrew Scott’s protagonist in Present Laughter, caught in a whirlwind of love, panic, sex, and chaos. The multi award-winning comedy from The Old Vic returns to cinemas nationwide from 18 July with National Theatre Live.
[Find your local venue] |
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| “I was remembering when I was younger, girls had little butts, no butts – none whatsoever. Now, everybody got a butt. You know what I mean?” – Ghostface Killah |
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* Upstaged by Anna Wintour
* Spelling for your supper
* Plus: Only Fools And Arses |
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| >> Pay Raye << |
| The ultra-rich get hip |
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Usually, it’s your big-time heritage acts who get courted by shady billionaires to come and play their private parties: your Stings, your J-Los, your Mariah Careys, etc. Now it seems the tastes of the shadowy ultra-rich are becoming a little more contemporary.
Last week, indie darling Raye was making the most of her freedom by heading out to Morocco to play the birthday party of Kristina Romanova: the girlfriend of Russian billionaire Vladislav Doronin.
The one who sues if you refer to him as an oligarch. |
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| Longtime Popbitch readers might remember Vladislav Doronin as Naomi Campbell’s ex. The same one that hotel staff once had to call after check-out to arrange a way to get the expensive, artisanally crafted cock-ring he’d left on the dresser returned to him. |
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| >> Writing wrongs << |
| Stranger things have happened |
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Last year, we told you that Millie Bobby Brown had got herself in a spot of bother with fans for not only having her debut novel ghostwritten but also allegedly having an autopen machine take care of the signatures on the signed copies too.
It seems the celeb set just aren’t learning, as now Jon Bon Jovi’s been catching flak for the same thing. Fans have noticed that the signed limited edition copies of his latest album all feature an eerily similar signature – that looks to have been written with the use of an autopen.
But in fairness, he’s been very busy recently. Planning the wedding of his son and daughter-in-law… Millie Bobby Brown! |
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| Ed Sheeran’s mum, Pat, has recently joined the Women’s Institute in south Norfolk. She is particularly interested in needlework/millinery. |
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| >> Big Questions << |
| Who’s asking what this week? |
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Which one of Taylor Swift’s exes found out he’d been dumped from a text sent by her manager? (Taylor never actually bothered speaking to him about it…) |
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Ofgem is considering letting energy suppliers offer discounted deals to new customers that loyal customers can’t get. According to surveys from YouGov and Octopus Energy, consumers hate this more than they hate wasps, wet summers and having to prove you aren’t a robot. So Octopus has pledged not to offer new customers prices their faithful faves can’t have.
[Find out more here] |
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| >> The good seats << |
| One play, two guvnors |
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James Corden is back in the West End, playing Alec in The Constituent at the Old Vic. Supposedly he’s pretty good as well – not that many in the audience on opening night were watching him.
The show is one of those ones where they’ve added some extra seating for punters at the back of the stage. Unfortunately for James and his co-stars, one of those punters cut quite a distinctive figure.
Even in the dimmed auditorium light, everyone could make out the trademark bob and outsized sunglasses of Anna Wintour. |
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| Best rumour we heard this week: that Gregg Wallace had an ice-cream van at his third wedding, where Andi Peters was manning the machine. |
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| >> Feltz, with a Z << |
| Don’t you know who I am? |
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Getting to jump the queue is one of the best parts of being a celebrity, provided you’re well-known enough to pull it off.
Vanessa Feltz got a rude awakening when she pushed her way to the front of the hospitality entrance for this week’s Taste of London opening party. The young woman in charge of the guest list asked who she was.
“Vanessa!”
Pressed for a surname, she left a furiously long pause before saying “…FELTZ!”
She was finally allowed into the party. But not before she had to spell it. |
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| Spotted at the Army and Navy in Dalston buying big rounds and looking vaguely heartbroken at the end of the Scotland/Germany game: Andrew Lincoln. |
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| >> Poll/Positions << |
| When the Sun goes down |
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There’s a lot of internal consternation at the Times as editor Tony Gallagher is planning to have the paper endorse the Conservatives. This, despite fortnightly surveys of their readers making it clear as far back as 18 months ago that the overwhelming majority of them intend to vote Labour this time around.
Then again, Tony has never really seen eye-to-eye with his readers.
Back when he was editor of The Sun, the paper ran a survey about its readers’ sex lives. In among the results, one curious bit of information that cropped up was that Sun readers claimed the time they were most likely to have sex was 7:30pm.
When this finding was presented to him, Tony’s response was: “What? But it’s not even dark then…” |
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| How are Times readers enjoying the election coverage? On Tuesday, the only election-adjacent article that made the paper’s Top Ten Most Read was the rundown of all Nigel Farage’s affairs. |
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| >> ‘Ello ‘Ello! << |
| Plugging in the holes |
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A big tax story broke yesterday about Popbitch regular Paul Baxendale-Walker. Tax Policy Associates and the Bureau of Investigative Journalism report that he’s managed to avoid a £14m fine after HMRC made a few boo-boos handling their case against him.
Paul is complaining about the story but, as far as we can see, TPA and TBIJ have been remarkably professional and discreet about his history. For instance, they barely even talked about Paul’s time as Britain’s premier purveyor of hardcore pornography parodies.
Among the many films he’s directed and starred in are parodies of ‘Allo ‘Allo! (‘Ello ‘Ello!), Only Fools And Horses (Only Fools And Arses), Harry Potter (Harry Pornter) and – his magnum opus – a seven-and-a-half-hour, three-act pornographic retelling of Macbeth.
As for the tax stuff, we’ll leave that to the experts.
[Read it here] |
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Someday you’ll need a move or delivery, but Google is a sweaty pit of aggregator platforms outsourcing unregulated gig-workers. Relōku’s premium urban movers are the VIP section Popbitchers deserve… Register now, get 15% off Relōku all year using code POP15
[Sign up here] |
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| >> Pack it up << |
| Frank’s in-tents training |
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This time last year, we had a report from Download Festival that Frank Skinner spent ages struggling to deconstruct his tent and put it back in its bag. It was a scene memorably described to us as “looking like Mr Bean trying to post a letter”.
Well, Frank’s clearly been putting in the hours since then. He was back at Download Festival last weekend and, despite the treacherous conditions, he not only managed to get his tent dismantled without any assistance this time, he also got it back in the bag too.
And celebrated by punching the air with both fists. |
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| At an auction of Stephen Sondheim’s stuff this week, a couple of boxes of pencils he never got round to using went for $6,800. |
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| >> Cockwatching << |
| Some sensitive information |
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In a last throw of the dice, the Conservatives have recruited a trio of elderly ad-men known in the business as the Three Amigos. They were at the heart of the golden age of Saatchi and Saatchi’s ads for the Tories in the 80s (and in the mire at the scandal-hit M&C Saatchi at the end of the last decade).
Of the three, client manager Bill Muirhead’s most creative output was his advice to Saatchi account handlers.
In his broad Australian accent, he’d tell them to play some sport with their clients and get to see their cocks in the changing room. That way – he claimed – they’d never reject the creative work. |
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| Spotted “chucking his ring up” over the side of his yacht into Cannes harbour on Tuesday afternoon: Elon Musk. |
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| >> Swindon twindon << |
| Siblings of the stars |
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Further to last week’s Tilda Swinton spot at Countess Luann de Lesseps’ cabaret…
J writes:
“This isn’t wholly surprising as Tilda is fantastically posh. I was at Harrow School with her elder brother, Sandy, whom she would be occasionally forced to visit.
“He was unmemorable – although he once got himself stuck in the house lavatory and had to be rescued by a teacher who kicked the door open only to discover that Sandy hadn’t thought to pull his underpants and trousers up.” |
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The Amazing Banana Brothers at Soho Theatre, 21 Jun–6 Jul. Two daredevil brothers attempt the impossible — slipping on 1000 banana peels – in this unmissable exploration of loss, failure, masculinity and death-defying pratfalls. 5-star reviews from the Guardian, Telegraph, Time Out. PB readers get £10 ticket to any show in June.
[Use code BANANABITCH] |
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| >> Hmmms << |
| Prinsoners, pants, parties |
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Industry parties, ranked
[The Fence lifts the veil]
See how big your local area is compared to Glastonbury Festival
[Play with it here]
James Dyson’s favourite car is up for sale
[Buy on eBay]
Local News Of The Week: Rat Birth In Prisoner’s Underpants Edition
[Read on CBC]
Sabrina Carpenter covering Chappy Roan
[Watch on YouTube]
Why are mobile game ads so weird and bad?
[Read on Sherwood]
Democracy Manifest: the succulent reunion
[See on ABC]
If only for posterity’s sake, we have to include Justin Timberlake’s incredible response to being arrested “This is going to ruin the tour…”
[“…THE WORLD TOUR!”]
Want a Tory Wipeout Bingo Card for July 4th?
[Here you go] |
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| Thanks to: RL, JS, DO, Mz, JOD, changer_of_the_ways, JLW, clark_bent, SL, NP, LS, AA, bobbi_fleckmann, GL, T, J |
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Old Jokes Home
Q/ How do plants stay so skinny?
A/ They eat light
Still Bored?
A library of gender-swapped cover versions
[genderswap.fm] |
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