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“I’m so lazy I even hold it in when I want to pee because I don’t want to get up” – Spencer Pratt
“There is always a price for the Pricey” – Katie Price
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|_| |_| 17.01.13 ISSUE 625
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* Rylan’s romantic rituals
* Bradley Wiggins’ party tricks
* Charts: 50 Cent set to be No.1
>> Wicked whispers <<
Big at the beeb this year
We almost couldn’t face coming back to the world of gossip after hearing the latest rumours that have been going around the BBC over the holidays. But we have a duty. Brace yourselves:
* Girls Aloud are wanted for this year’s Eurovision entry. With will.i.am (already on BBC as a judge on The Voice) as producer and guest rapper.
* There’s a huge wish list for the next series of Strictly, but these are the names said to be closest to being confirmed: Footballer Danny Murphy, Bobby Ball, Jenna-Louise Coleman, Jonny Peacock, Jennifer Saunders and Craig Charles.
Happy New Year.
Harry Styles has One Direction gold discs on his lounge wall.
>> Thicker than Waterstone’s <<
The high street’s last stand
Last October, HMV overhauled their staff policy. Afraid it was their workers’ body art and sandals that were driving customers away, bosses demanded that all extreme tattoos, piercings and toes be covered up.
What good did ragging on the staff do them? None.
So Waterstone’s, take heed. Tales reach us of the training session you held in which employees were chastised and berated for three hours. In between admonishments they were given such pearls of customer service wisdom as “If you see someone browsing the sport section, shout over ‘What’s the score?'” and suggesting that they deliver soup to the homes of any regulars who fall ill.
When one employee mentioned he’d have to make an hour and a half round trip to deliver soup to any sick regulars in London, the woman leading the session pointed to a picture of a sad face she had drawn and said “This is what the last person who challenged me looked like.”
Nick Cave Watch: Spotted in Elsternwick, Melbourne going in to the local Coles supermarket.
>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week
Which primetime BBC star has been telling journalists all about her past relationship with a boyfriend – except for the rather important detail that the boy was, in fact, a girl?
Ranked the cutest animal in the world by Animal Planet? The sea otter.
>> Chasing tail <<
Rylan’s romantic ritual
Chelsearentboy writes:
“Reality star Rylan had one of his assistants drop off a note into our reception with a message that had his name and mobile number on it. Apparently Rylan had spotted someone he fancied in the gym and had trailed him back to where he works, and sent in the helper and note. Unfortunately his description wasn’t that helpful: ‘He’s short and has a brown gym-bag. Or maybe black.’
“We still tracked him down, though. He works in accounts.”
FYI: Can anyone beat Rylan in CBB? He’s such a bookies favourite…
http://bit.ly/U1G0IN
When Ryan Gosling was in the Mickey Mouse Club he used to live with AJ Maclean, who had just started in the Backstreet Boys.
>> Filmbits <<
Smaller movies; longer films
1. Knocked Up’s spin-off comedy, This is 40, is 134 minutes long.
2. That’s nine minutes longer than the first Star Wars movie.
3. And 15 minutes longer than Citizen Kane.
Holiday Spot 1: East 17, minus Brian, at a beach bar in Dubai, all tucking into Christmas dinner. With pints of lager.
>> Bachelor boys <<
Service industry Savile
Celebrities must be falling over themselves to avoid being linked with Jimmy Savile. Poor old Cliff Richard, then, as we found this old quote from Sir Jim:
“A lot of disc jockeys make the mistake of thinking that they’re sex symbols and then they get a rude awakening. But I always realised that I was a service industry.
“Like, because I knew Cliff before he’d even made a record, all the Cliff fans would bust a gut to meet me, so that I could tell them stories about their idol. But if I’d said, ‘Come round, so that I can tell you stories about me’ or ‘Come round, so that you can fall into my arms’ they’d have said: ‘What! On yer bike!’
“But because reporters don’t understand the nuances of all that, they say, ‘A-ha’.”
FYI: New Yorker on sex crimes and punishment. Interesting:
http://nyr.kr/W9RCKO
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The brilliant Rubberbandits (Horse Outside) have decamped from Limerick to Soho Theatre, via a Channel 4 pilot, for three weeks only. Special PB offer – 5GBP off on Tue, Wed and Thurs shows. Quote ‘YOKES’ when booking: http://bit.ly/U3J1uJ
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>> Horse play <<
Barrowman is no Mr Hands
In the wake of Operation Yewtree, we are delighted to see that not every BBC star is afraid to have a bit of fun.
John Barrowman was injured during his recent panto performance in Glasgow. According to local news it happened because “it is believed he had mounted the live horse in the production.”
Jimmy Page played session guitar on Goldfinger.
>> Brad behaviour <<
No cock-ring is safe
If you needed any convincing that Bradley Wiggins deserved his SPOTY award, his performance at the Dubai Rugby Sevens weekend ought to set your mind at rest. After Wiggo had made full use of the refreshments, this is what the great man did:
* Put his hand in an entire French cheese and started waving it about, shouting “Look at my cheese!”
* Told people how he hoped that Andy Murray would win SPOTY as “he needed a pick-me-up.”
* When asked about Lance Armstrong, answered “If anyone is wearing one of those yellow cock-rings, I am coming and tearing it off!”
The only foods Paula Hamilton says she keeps at home? “Essential fatty acids, coconut oil, real salt and real olive oil”.
>> Spunk’n James <<
Celebrity fucktree news
A writes:
“On my Lufthansa flight from Berlin to London were Duncan from Blue and a mixed race fellow, both dressed like rappers in tracksuits and baseball hats. They kissed, cuddled and looked very happy. I wanted to go up and tell Duncan that I’m his spunk brother (through a girl I was seeing in 2005) but decided that might not go down too well.”
John Bishop got a Christmas tree for his Cheshire hall so large it was brought in on a truck from Germany.
>> Pop’s death rattle <<
Reanimating chart corpses
What’s the answer to the question “Who is the coolest man in pop?” Obviously, it’s Andrew Ridgeley. As thanks to him, Wham! are about the only mega-famous group that will never spoil our youthful memories by reforming.
Just a quick update on current reunions:
* Atomic Kitten (with Katona), 911, 5ive (without Jay), B*witched, Liberty X and Honeyz are to reform for an ITV show.
* Kris Kross are back – with their clothes the right way round.
* 2 Unlimited. And they’re singing live. Oh dear
http://bit.ly/XgHAGG
* Visage are coming back. Again.
http://www.visage.cc/
And yet Steve Strange was posting this on Facebook recently: “Sorry abt the ex membr tryn too derail this Vsage proj I’m gettn a restraining order out on him. Making up legal slanderous lies.”
Perhaps Rusty Egan’s been chatting to Ridgeley…?
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Friday 25th Jan sees the return of London’s Ace Time Continuum: brilliantly diverse live music uniquely fused with comedy & a quiz. Tickets just 5GBP: http://bit.ly/UsO9Ya
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>> New jokes home <<
Our favourite topical titters
There are no burgers left on Tesco’s shelves, try their meatballs. They’re the dogs bollocks.
And just remember, an HMV voucher is not just for Christmas, it’s for life.
Holiday Spot 2: Perfectly legal tax efficient Jimmy Carr in the Maldives.
>> Popbitch Popquiz is back! <<
Monday 21 Jan, The Player, Soho
* Bring friends. Or not. Teams from 2-6.
* Booze/fun but still get an early school night.
* Hits of 2012, played by Will Barrett.
* Hosted by Tom Webb from 7pm – rounds inc Lemon Party, and Celeb Perv Trivia. Tickets 5GBP.
Info comp@popbitch.com
http://www.wegottickets.com/event/197537
RIP Soho Pam. Popbitch drinks nights out will now be cheaper, but she’ll be missed.
>> Hmmms <<
Panda, Hitler, Animals
Good job Azerbaijan got Eurovision when they did. This is one of their potential entrants for this year…
http://bit.ly/W6FIRW
A short, but brilliant, Wikipedia page. It’s all about the second (of only two) sentences:
http://bit.ly/13DnGuS
Another life-affirming innovation from the Web 2.0 nerds. See who you have outlived:
http://www.outlive.ca/mainPage.html
Interesting piece on Lynne Featherstone’s reaction to Julie Burchill/Observer:
http://bit.ly/S2PjuK
Queen of Versailles is released on DVD 28 January. The documentary follows Jackie and David Siegel as they build a new home modelled on the Versailles palace…
http://queenofversailles.co.uk/
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Jane Bussmann (South Park, Smack the Pony etc) is testing out the script of her new sitcom and tickets are free. An informal evening reading an old school style show in the vein of Blackadder and AbFab. No TV or film people allowed. Thurs 24 Jan 7.30-8.15pm, in Marylebone. RSVP filthysitcom@gmail.com
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Thanks to:thebestnameshavegone, meow, chelsearentboy, RD, SG, NC, HB, GA, supermangs, monstris, LMES, WB, A, TB, Trellis, PR, madamearcati, GHK
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Old Jokes Home:
I’ve just been in the loft and found a 1979 copy of TV Times. Or, as it’s now known, the sex offenders register.
Still Bored:
Celebrities can be relied on to tell the truth to the media/public, can’t they?
http://deadsp.in/VLXpJ5
