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FOLLOW THE LIGHTS. The place to go for irreverent, tongue- in- cheek, unusual greeting cards, the likes of which you won't find anywhere else on the net, or in those shiny shops with balloon numbers and Cliff Richard calendars. [link]

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Deep Stoat poster unmasked!

mrsix 8:58, reply

The gent's name is Benjamin Wakeman

Do you know who else has a son named that? Rick. Rick Wakeman.

bad_horsey 13:25, reply

Rick Wakeman:

Wank, rim, cake.

Good night out, that.

soapy_handerton 17:27, reply

He was a gentle and thoughtful lover.

deep_stoat 9:48, reply

spank_daley 10:39, reply

A Taste for Death

PD James deaded. How is the 2014 deadpool shaping up?

pink_oboe 14:48, reply

Anyone got Pele on their list?

humphrey_plugg 17:32, reply

Only moved to intensive care to get aware from too many visitors and the media.

plasticflamingo 17:38, reply

Fuck off, you peasant!

plasticflamingo 17:36, reply

Twenty years ago it was records companies who threw stupid Christmas parties

but while they've died Adland has taken over the task. Another Tongue, a fucking Voice Over company, threw a stupidly over the top (and over subscribed) bash at Cirque de Soir off Carnaby street, complete with champagne that never ran out. Highlight of the evening was seeing just how much botox Gordon Ramsey has stuffed into his face. He now looks like a he's had Joan Rivers' face sewn onto a scrotum.

deep_stoat 12:54, reply

Expect the profit margin to go up drastically, then...

After one South Bank Show Awards, the contents of the gift bags were on eBay in a little over an hour...

plasticflamingo 8:36, reply

'Dead' Frankie Fraser.

fo_shizzle 19:50, reply

I walked past him once near Angel

No, that's all I've got.

I can't even tell you about Benedict Bumbersnatch and Judy Dench filming Richard III in dover as a) it happened last week and b) it was only stunt work not the stars.

And Jessica Hynes was not at swimming this week either.

pauly 10:47, reply

A Mad experience

I was sent to interview Mad Frankie in the early 90's when he was living in a council flat just off Upper St with the daughter of a Great Train Robber.

As he spoke I looked over his shoulder to see a cartoon of him pulling someones skull out of their mouth with a pair of pliers. A lovely image.

lennie 13:27, reply

He will forever be our vicious murdering psychopath of hearts

and his legend will live on. IIRC his niece married into the Brindle's, the notorious crime family who have operated around Charlie Richardson's old South London manor for some years now.

spank_daley 11:38, reply

F big friend of Richard Littlejohn …

avianca_bag 20:27, reply

Good. I used to live near him about 20 years ago or so. He used to trot by in his odd blued trench coat with his stupid little dog. Horrible c*nt. Of course, I can say all this now that the little f*cker's dead and unlikely to come after me...

plasticflamingo 19:54, reply

Is that not

The exact same thing that you posted when the Queen Mother died?

soapy_handerton 22:09, reply

Be fair, he did want Noel Edmonds shot dead...

7zark7 21:09, reply

Klass act

Jonathon Ross and Barbara Windsor turned the lights on in Hampstead Village this weekend, ably assisted by (appropriately) Dynamo - who performed a card trick onstage which mostly consisted of getting Babs to sign a card and then quite visibly replacing it with one in his pocket. I guess sleight-of-hand doesn't work so well when you're not up close to the other person.

Also: That Neil DeGrasse Tyson of the pop industry, Myleene Klass, was walking around Leicester Square yesterday. So intent was she on avoiding the assembled throng of paps that she must have retraced her steps on the same patch of ground half-a-dozen times. Obviously they didn't get all the shots they needed (she was wearing jeans, after all!), so she kindly obliged them again today. Oh yes. and the day before yesterday too.

bad_horsey 12:59, reply

what's actually wrong with that dynamo? what disease?

he starting to look a bit 'full blown'.

__________ 19:41, reply


It's him, the bloke from the Propellerheads, Beth Orton, and me. An odd and massively varied disease, I've not had to have any resectioning even though I've had it for 20odd years, some need an instant colostomy on diagnosis. Loads of theories about, it could be water borne, related to pasteurisation of milk, all I know is I get a camera shoved up my arse every few years for a free thrill and tramadol by the bucketload. If he's fattening up it'll be the steroids, I went from a 28" waist to fifteen stone due to those little red fuckers.

soapy_handerton 22:20, reply


put soapy_handerton on 2015 death pool

powermaster 8:50, reply

can i sneak him onto my 2014 list?

__________ 14:18, reply


spank_daley 10:38, reply


deep_stoat 9:48, reply


I do share a gene pool with Clive James though so it may be extremely drawn out.

soapy_handerton 11:50, reply


Can you give a heads up if a linky goes to Daily Fail online plse, that's just broken my rule about never knowingly visiting the sewer of shame

darling 14:18, reply

As per this Popbitch article:

[url]popbitch.c ... _Doom.html[\url]

Why don't you go and get a proper job?

soapy_handerton 15:44, reply

poor the Myleeene

all the brouhaha over mansion tax and no one saw fit to remind us of the time she had to be rescued by staff at her hotel in Costa Rica after she got stuck to her bed;

"She had sprayed inspect repellent on herself which reacted with the varnish of her bedposts gluing her to the bed. Hotel staff had to peel her off slowly but surely."

qm 14:56, reply

If only I'd found her first...

deep_stoat 16:33, reply

Over to our political editor spot

Allegra Stratton spotted buying her groceries in the hugely popular Newington Green Fruit & Vegetables shop, amongst the usual throng of hipsters and yummy mummies. I can report that she was neither hipster nor yummy. Back to Evan, wearing a slimline suit and the look of a man who has fondled himself during VT, in the studio.

spank_daley 13:33, reply

Evan's stylist needs shooting. That horrid grey shirt and shiny tie last night looked like they'd come straight off the discount rack at Nuneaton Top Man.

john_lewis_partnership 17:59, reply

Much better tonight, thank you. He still needs a good shirtmaker, though. Allegra's roots are hideous and purple under the lights, by the way. No, don't thank me.

john_lewis_partnership 22:51, reply


spank_daley 14:54, reply

Tony Way gone to Tantastic

thatevilwoman 13:05, reply


he has those forehead wrinkles put in deliberately?

pauly 12:55, reply

philanderer 21:07, reply

qm 17:21, reply

spank_daley 17:40, reply

Gideon's not enjoying that

qm 13:14, reply

Twice cooked.................

........ on a bed of thyme and white wine and garnished with Pâté de Foie Gras?

majicman 23:50, reply

stan2a10shun 20:54, reply

Jed Zeppelin

mrsix 16:38, reply

it looks like jedward's hair is receding

in a couple of years they'll look like simon price.

__________ 19:48, reply


deep_stoat 21:36, reply

Ooh how ghastly!

dawnsyndrome 17:19, reply

bed zeppelin

__________ 16:46, reply

Are they looking at the woman and thinking, 'Not bad for an old bird'?.

plasticflamingo 10:00, reply

Dead Zeppelin

qm 7:15, reply

All those drumsticks, didn't use them that much, did he? Perhaps more appropriate to leave a nice fillet of red snapper.

bonaparteshandy 8:43, reply

Bread Zeppelin

bad_horsey 9:49, reply



stan2a10shun 10:21, reply

Or, for the gloomier souls out there

bad_horsey 10:36, reply

*typeface rage*

qm 17:05, reply

__________ 19:43, reply

Someone's been updating Pau Danan's Wiki Page

"Michael Jackson once claimed on itv Saturday mornings CD:UK that Paul was his favourite Hollyoaks actor"

monkeyhat 10:31, reply


that old Jacko/Fred West story could be true then.

soapy_handerton 16:12, reply

Mr Tumble's Dad

John Gosden Guy Fletcher discovered Chris De Burgh.

soapy_handerton 19:48, reply

De Burgh's a lovely crackpot

"I have found myself able to cure people with my hands. I met someone in the West Indies who was not able to walk. I put my hands on him and he was able to get up."

In 1993 he revealed that he had warned his wife, Diane, not to move her spine if she should break her neck in a riding accident. The following day Diane, the inspiration for Lady In Red, fell off her horse and adhered to his advice, saving herself from paralysis.

Rather wonderfully he forgets to mention that as his wife lay in bed recuperating from her broken neck he started fucking the nanny.

rogermoore 16:02, reply

He also had the "pleasure" of shagging Sarah Ferguson.

He referred to it as being in "the royal box".

cerealrapist 21:16, reply

The Lady In bred

powermaster 7:02, reply

oh very good!

petsco 9:09, reply

And his cousin, also called Guy Fletcher, played keyboards for Dire Straits. The father wrote a number of choons for Elvis, also...

plasticflamingo 8:41, reply

And that's got to be a pretty valuable catalogue he has. I remember being taken, as a child, for Sunday lunch at Jack Fishman's house. Jack's primary profession was as a Newspaper Editor; but he had a profitable 'sideline' in songwriting. And what a sideline that was. I seem to remember him saying that he had designed and built his (very beautiful) house near Bishop's Avenue with the royalties from one song - his English lyrics for If Paradise was Half as Nice...Lovely, modest, kind man.

plasticflamingo 10:52, reply

He touched your special place, didn't he?

deep_stoat 10:57, reply

Special needs?

Pity the Sound tech on the latest tour of a once famous 2Tone label ska covers band [with a smattering of original tunes] who lasted approximately 30 seconds into the first gig on this current tour. After trying to convince the somewhat difficult lead singer during the weeks of pre-production that it was about time he replaced his radio mic [the one he's been using for years and has the technology of a kids tomy two way radio from argos] the damned mic went and failed 10 seconds into show 1. Ever the pro a brand spanker was thrust into the stubborn ones hands within seconds, whilst 'old faithful' was slung into the rig. Much against the tour managers advice the poor [well it's cost him about 5k in wages] sound tech was given his marching orders après gig, being blamed by the hissy fitting one for the failure! Such a bad attitude, maybe a case of 'too much, too young'?

flange 12:02, reply

Steve Craddock of Ocean Colour Scene/Paul Weller fame has replaced Roddy Radiation on the latest tour- now down to 4 original members

barry 16:38, reply

You forgot to put 'visionary' before Jerry Dammers...

plasticflamingo 8:35, reply

Oscar-winning Doctor Who gettin his buns handed to him this morning. At Gail's Bakery in Crouch End.

drunken_boht 12:33, reply

He knows better than to shop at

dirty Dunns

pink_oboe 16:05, reply

Expect a war to be fought on that very front

The KFC in Crouch End, much maligned by its well-heeled denizens, has finally closed down. A pitched battle is brewing over use of the site; on the one side, the Mumsnet massive who are doubtless seeking to augment the existing JoJo Mama Bebe / Petit Bateau with a branch of Seraphine or a McLaren shop selling juggernaut prams to house the inevitable IVF triplets;

On the other side is the hipsters who, having been squeezed out of Dalston and are now spreading like paste along Tufnell Park and Archway, are creeping uphill by capillary attraction, lured in by the newly-opened Heirloom (with its menu of not just heritage, but endangered vegetables. Cunts.) and the burgeoning sprawl of coffee shops.

And Christ, what am I posting here? Sorry. Arnold Schwarzenegger has a habit of trying to blag insane discounts from high-end shops and if one isn't forthcoming, is quite happy to go to another branch. Even if it's in a different continent. And he goes after the least obvious things; a crocodile-skin-coated chair, handbags and - overheard in a London boutique - "I vant to buy a pullover".

bad_horsey 9:18, reply

Crouch End mums would never buy a McClaren...

...they are SO common.

7zark7 9:11, reply

Look, just apologise

and maybe you'll get your job back.

babycatboy 12:30, reply

is it ranking roger?

__________ 12:26, reply

No, Rankin' John Major

7zark7 22:59, reply

FOF still recounts how, filming red carpet for a theatre show opening a few years back

the great and the good were arriving but the crowd really went wild when JM arrived. Maybe it wasn't just Edwina he was throwing it out to.

deep_stoat 23:16, reply

The disappointing thing is that, in person, he's a REALLY nice bloke. It was once said that, if he could have shook the hand of every member of the electorate, he would have won by a landslide; and that's probably true.

plasticflamingo 8:34, reply

The old saying that you only miss them when they are gone

rings true. But then there's Blair. And Brown. Anything before Major has thankfully carked it.

stan2a10shun 22:15, reply

It was probably Jerry-built...

plasticflamingo 13:40, reply

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