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The Second Serve // Llama Drama

 

The annual Popbitch Popquiz Xmas Edition is released tomorrow, and Club Popbitch members will be able to download it for free from this page. It will also act as an archive for all your other downloadable quizzes, so that you can access them whenever you want…
[Club Popbitch Popquiz Archive]
“It’s exciting, isn’t it, just being a human” – Billie Eilish
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A second serving of slander and scandal Subscribe
Email stories to us club@popbitch.com
* More celebrity-animal family trees
* More naughty newscasters
* PLUS: Memories of Martin
>> Maxwell’s house <<
The Jeffrey Epstein guide to grooming
 

An interesting document has been brought into evidence in Ghislaine Maxwell’s trial: the employee handbook handed out to staff at Jeffrey Epstein’s Florida estate.

For the most part, the 58 pages are filled with mundane property maintenance tasks (how full Epstein’s toothpaste tube should be at any given time; what temperature the pool should be kept at, etc.) but the page that’s drawn the most interest is early on.

Page 4 tells staff how they should dress, how they should make Jeff’s guests feel welcome, and states quite clearly: “Remember that you see nothing, hear nothing, say nothing”.

The unfortunate title of that page? “Grooming And Guest Relations”.

A weird detail tucked away in the Epstein Household Manual: Ghislaine Maxwell’s preferred brand of coffee is… Maxwell House. [Read it here]
>> Llama drama <<
A bunch of filthy animals
 

Thursday’s story that Jerry Seinfeld’s cat is engaged to be married to Barbara Bush’s cat was definitely weird, but we’ve since been informed of a much weirder celebrity/animal family tree.

In his off-hours, Alexander Armstrong is a llama farmer. In his herd is a llama named Darren, who he inherited from a friend after Darren had sex with his own mother and got her pregnant.

The resultant inbred baby llama was carried to term and named Craig. Craig was castrated so as not to cause any further complications in the gene pool and ended up living a sedate, sexless existence with another llama named Vera. On Matthew Parris’s farm.

Further to the Rick Wakeman/cat memorial golf tournament: It was called the Bob The Cat Tournament, it was held in honour of the course’s much-loved cat and it ran for years.
>> Memories of Martin <<
“It’ll never catch on…”
 

As Martin Clarke sends shockwaves through the media world with his unexpected departure from the Mail, here’s an interetsing little memory from a quarter of a century ago…

slushpopcorn writes:

“When I was a graphic artist at a Scottish newspaper back in 1997, I sat in on an editorial conference where the subject of the new-fangled internet came up. The news editor told us of a report that predicted everyone would be consuming their news and entertainment through this medium in the near future. The editor considered this to be nonsense, and made his opinion crystal clear through the use of some strong Anglo-Saxon epithets.

“The editor in question? Martin Clarke, who went on to become editor of the MailOnline, the world’s most popular news website.”

Martin Clarke’s nickname at the Daily Mirror: “9 And A Half Weeks”. Not for any sexy reason. That was just how long he lasted in the editor’s job there.
>> Family business <<
A three-cause deal
 

Lauren Harries is currently selling a bunch of her old tat on eBay to make a few quid – telling her Twitter followers that a portion of the money she raises will go to the homeless and a helpline for gender depression anxiety.

It doesn’t look like they’re the only causes that will benefit though, because Lauren’s mum Kate also appears to be using the same eBay account to sell things too – and she seems less interested in Lauren’s causes. She’s been telling her followers that the money raised will go towards setting up a recruitment agency for vaccine sceptics instead.

Prince William has been telling the world how much he loves AC/DC’s Thuderstruck, but it’s Prince Harry who is the proper metalhead. During his time in the army he got into Anthrax, Slayer and Megadeth.
>> A blue Huw <<
More naughty newscasters
 

C writes:
“Am thoroughly enjoying the tales of Sir Trevor McDonald’s foul mouth. Reminded me of a time when I was due to appear on the BBC News and was brought into the make-up studio beforehand to get de-shined.

“Two minutes after I arrived Huw Edwards sat down in the chair next to me and started chatting with his make-up artist. I couldn’t catch much of their conversation until Huw suddenly shouted with great enthusiasm, ‘He must have been on fucking drugs!’

“Huw was an utter gent. I’ve always felt very warm towards him after that.”

Jeremy Kyle is making a lot of new friends at TalkRadio. Everyone was ready to hate him, but he just sponsored the most junior producer £80 for his London Marathon effort and it’s won everyone round.
>> Trick photography <<
How to play with your food
 

After mentioning the tampon-in-a-teacup food photography trick in Thursday’s newsletter, we’ve been tipped off to some of the other sneaky shortcuts used by the fancier supermarkets in their festive food shoots.

Instead of cooking a turkey for 4+ hours, the bird is cooked just long enough that so the meat doesn’t look raw when sliced – then the outside is smeared in Marmite and oil to make it look bronzed and glistening.

Soufflés are notoriously time-sensitive, so rather than trying to capture them in the precious few moments before they deflate, their tops are cut off, the ramekins are stuffed with newspaper and then the tops are replaced.

And so that prosecco and champagne looks extra fizzy and lively for the camera – they add a teaspoon of sugar to it.

The latest weird pop culture artefact to be sold as an NFT: Austria’s 2016 Eurovision entry.
>> Popquiz <<
This week’s audio rounds
 

Once again, we’ve sliced up another fifty songs and stitched them together in a set of strange orders for you to identify. This week’s themes are:

Mon/ Prince William’s Playlist

Tue/ ft. Sia

Wed/ Nine-Eleven

Thu/ Germany

Fri/ Politicians’ Desert Island Discs II

Now these quizzes have their own designated section of the site. Simply go to popbitch.com/latest-audio-quiz and the most recent quiz will automatically load for you.

[Play the latest audio quiz here]

The archive of Popbitch Popquiz Audio Rounds will remain here and will be updated each day too – so you can catch up on any you missed, or replay any that you fancy.
[Play them here]
>> Hmmms <<
A few quick things
 

On the Popbitch stereo today: Failed English by AVIV
[Listen here]

Fascinatingly intense Jeremy Strong (Kendall from Succession) profile
[Read on New Yorker]

Lizzo’s bum painting technique
[a.k.a. Lizzy Picasso]

Late contender for Headline Of The Year: “Woman Caught Breastfeeding Her Hairless Cat On A Delta Flight”
[Read on NYPost]

Thanks to: CC, UD, RW, slushpopcorn, JD, ST, delicious, AOP
Old Jokes Home
Just tried to use ‘BeefStew’ as my password, but the computer rejected it.
Apparently it’s not stroganoff…

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