The Second Serve // PM Tea

Barring some unforeseen incident, Thursday’s mailout is probably going to be a commemorative farewell to the last 14 years of Tory sleaze and scandal. We have so much more than we need – but we figure by next Monday you’ll have had your fill of election content.

So consider today’s Second Serve an amuse bouche of sorts. A taster. Some memories of the people who have inexplicably led the UK this last decade and a half.

Then we’ll go to town on the rest of them on Thursday.

David Cameron never really managed to get his Man Of The People act down convincingly – but it wasn’t for lack of trying.

A barman who once served Cameron at a members’ club mentioned that the PM had a special request when ordering his rather fancy drink. Cameron wanted it served in a standard pint glass – so that he didn’t look too snooty in front of the other patrons.

A canny move. But it’s not entirely clear what he thought the casual observer was going to mistake his champagne for. Pear cider, maybe?

Someone who was seated next to Sir Alan Duncan at a function during Theresa May’s dismal final months asked the Tory grandee for his opinion on her tenure.

Hoping that he’d spill a little something juicy, they were disappointed to hear Duncan diplomatically explain the various issues he had with her style of leadership, her lack of core ideology and her unending dependence on bad advisors.

So they asked him for his opinion on Boris Johnson instead.

Which was, simply: “Cunt”.

deep_moat writes:
“I was a student on work experience at The Spectator in 2005 when Boris Johnson was editor. On my first morning, he sent me out to get him a latte and added: ‘And get one for yourself.’ The coins he gave me neither covered the latte he ordered, nor a cuppa for myself.

“So, Prime Minister, you owe me £2.35, plus  19 years’ interest.”

Liz Truss was the UK’s first self-admitted reader of Popbitch to be prime minister. She was also appeared to be the kink community’s first visible PM too.

Members of the BDSM scene were very quick to get in touch after Truss’s early speeches to discuss her choice of jewellery. The necklace she was always seen wearing looked very familiar to them. The “Ring Of O” is a well-known symbol among BDSM practitioners to denote someone who is a possessed submissive.

And Liz’s necklace looked identical to what submissives call their “Day Collar”.

Which only added fuel to the fire of the theories about swinging in the House of Commons.

[Read Swing Votes on Popbitch]

Rishi Sunak has had a lot of shit slung at him these last few years, but it’s not as if he’s not capable of slinging a bit himself too.

While out in the Downing Street garden one afternoon, Nova – Rishi’s dog – popped into a flowerbed to curl out a turd. Like any responsible dog owner, Rishi dutifully picked the poo up after her.

And then handed it off to an aide for them to take care of.

DJR writes:
“Circa 2004, I was part of the regional press covering the opening of a new community centre in Newton Aycliffe by the town’s MP, Tony Blair. There were rumours he was about to announce a cabinet reshuffle so, despite the rather mundane nature of the event, there was a whole bunch of TV crews and journalists from BBC, ITV, Sky etc.

“All was going well until he turned up at the pool tables for a pre-arranged photocall. Two lads were playing there and handed him the cue for a turn as he joined.

“I can still vividly recall there was a look of absolute horror on his face as he took in the table. There was only one ball left at the opposite end which needed the finest of slices to get it in the pocket. A dozen or so cameras were trained on him and the ‘Misfiring Blair’ headlines were beginning to write themselves.

“However, he dutifully leant down and took the shot, and proceeded to bury the ball straight into the pocket. There was a collective gasp from everyone as not a single person expected him to make what was quite obviously an exceedingly difficult shot.

“Blair was unruffled, grinned again for the cameras, handed back the cue, shook hands and moved on. Unruffled, that is, until the cameras had stopped rolling and he turned to his official photographer to say ‘Did you see that bloody shot, Keith? Did you see it?'”

Last week, we set you quizzes on the various stages of Glastonbury: performers on the Pyramid Stage, the Other Stage, and a bunch of the others too.

This week, something different. We’re going to take ten songs from the official UK  Top 40 from the week that each of the past five Prime Ministers took up their job in Downing Street.

All you have to do is listen, identify the ten songs and ten artists who recorded them, then award yourself a score out of twenty (a point each for artist/title).

Monday’s Theme: Cameron & Clegg Top 40 (May 2010)

[Play it here]

Feed Matt Hancock balls, arseholes and shit
[Only as a browser game, sadly]

Help Theresa May run through a wheat field while avoiding no-confidence votes
[Come Wheat May]

An old story in which we look at the Commons’ pornography habit in the middle of the Tories’ tenure
[Read Commons As Muck on Popbitch]