Asian Cougar Dance Scene

Rita Ora’s publicists have really been earning their fees this last week as the story of her Covid rule-bending went from bad to worse.

Rita’s been through a fair few publicity agencies in her time and has had an unhelpful habit of putting her team through the mangle at each. Hopefully her most recent handlers at Dawbell are managing to cope alright. If not, they can always do what her previous publicist did and quit the industry entirely.

For some reason he felt the skill set he’d honed would be better applied elsewhere. He left to become a therapist…

After overseeing years of austerity as Chancellor, it looks like George Osborne has finally discovered the benefits of lavish spending.

George took a little trip to the Conran Shop in South Kensington this week to pick up some decorations for his Christmas tree. On baubles alone, he managed to rack up a bill of about £600 – buying around 40 baubles at a price of £12-18 a piece.

Must have been a good year at one of his nine jobs.

Which celebrity charged a charity £16,000 for a one hour appearance? Then, when asked afterwards if they would pose for some photos with the beneficiaries of the charity’s work, announced “I don’t have time for that shit” and stormed out?

The most recent series of The Crown has taken a bit of flak from stuffier quarters for not being true enough to life. If Peter Morgan is looking for ways to inject a bit more truth into Series 5, perhaps he’d like to consider something we heard from a palace insider.

Back in the day, the Queen Mother set up an informal bar under the stairs at Clarence House and would invite staff to join her for a drink.

According to one of the Princes’ butlers, the gin served there was so rough it could “strip the enamel off your teeth”.

It’s still not clear if Lewis Hamilton will be Covid negative enough to race in the season-ending Abu Dhabi Grand Prix this weekend. It would be a real shame if he missed out on the chance to take the deserved plaudits for his record-equaling seventh title – but it could be a self-inflicted one.

Though Lewis has been very keen to insist he’s followed all protocols and taken every possible precaution, he might be laying it on a little too thick. Our spies in Dubai spotted him out at a glitzy restaurant right around the time he was likely to have picked it up, where he and his bodyguard spent the evening in the not-very-socially-distanced company of six beautiful young women who chose to join him.

He and the ladies all left together. So unless he was simply checking that they all got their taxis, chances are they had a nightcap at even closer quarters.

We knew the collateral from the Wagatha Christie trial would be wide-reaching, but we have to admit: we didn’t expect Peter Andre’s penis to put in an appearance.

Rebekah Vardy’s most recent court filings include an apology to Pandre for disparaging his cock and balls in print; a chipolata-based claim that’s been gleefully reprinted everywhere since.

Poor Pete. He’s so easily embarrassed too. He once tried to do the Cinnamon Challenge as a feature for one of the glossy celeb weeklies (the viral craze where participants would swallow a teaspoon of powdered cinnamon, then immediately begin choking, spluttering and crying) and his attempt went so badly that his management demanded all footage of it be deleted.

Anyway, not to make his week worse, but Pete should know a copy of it still exists…

Football super-agent Mino Raiola doesn’t seem to care what effect his headline hunting might have on the reputation of his client Paul Pogba. Having a loudmouth liability speak for you isn’t ideal, but it’s not the only way agents can boobytrap a star’s career.

Liverpool’s Mo Salah is one of the nicest guys in football and, with his wholesome image, is one of the most marketable athletes in the world. Except these days Mo is starting to miss out on potential contracts, endorsements and sponsorships. Brand managers have been saying that his representative is such a nightmare to deal with that they’re quietly finding ways to leave Salah out of any pitch for new deals.

Last week we mentioned that a current Covid wave in Hong Kong is thought to have started in semi-secret ballroom classes where the mature socialite wives of HK’s 1% pay strapping young male dance instructors to give them some rather intimate tuition.

The most recent gossip on the ground there suggests the coronavirus probably arrived with some young dancers who were smuggled into the city from across the border in the dead of night on speedboats to evade quarantine.

If that’s not enough to convince you to option the film rights, the underground Asian cougar dance scene has been a rampant hotbed of drama for years. We first got a glimpse of how mad it can be back in 2006, when the 60-something Monica Wong (the important banker daughter of a shipping tycoon) ended up in court trying to claw back a £6 million advance she’d shelled out for lessons with a prized 30 year-old Italian dance pro.

Sadly, their cozy relationship went up in flames after the couple ended up getting less applause in a dance contest than one of the pro’s former love rivals. His Italian passions raged and he ended up trying to lay the blame on his wealthy benefactor, publicly yelling at her “If you don’t get it fucking right, I’ll throw you out the fucking window!”

A mistake that cost him about £12 million in lost earnings.

A celebrity-backed crowdfunding campaign has been set up to buy the Oxford house in which JRR Tolkien wrote The Hobbit and The Lord Of The Rings so it can be turned into a museum dedicated to him.

The irony of the project being crowdfunded was not lost on those who grew up in the neighbourhood. Someone who was a child when the Tolkiens lived there remembered having to go door-to-door to collect money for his cub pack. When he reached No.20, the door was answered by Mrs Tolkien.

Before the kid could get a word out she trilled, “Shoo! Shoo! We never give! We never give! Shoo!” and slammed the door in his face.

The kid was seven.

As there’s only a couple of weeks left of our 2020 daily editions, there’s not much point in us encouraging you to sign up – but one of the things we asked readers in the daily this week was about the best/worst celebrity gift givers.

BC writes:
“A FoF taught one of Colin Firth’s children many years ago. He was pretty excited to receive a bottle-shaped Christmas gift from the little tyke, but was a little underwhelmed when it turned out to be an environmentally friendly cleaning product.”

anon writes:
“Kirstie Allsopp is a genuinely generous Christmas present giver. Different stuff each year – cashmere scarf one year, monogrammed notebook the next. Some nice mittens too. The worst? Trisha Goddard. A single miniature of Baileys per team member.”

Philip Green T-shirts, anyone?
[Top Wanker]

Was 2020 the year celebrities lost their shine?
[Read on Vice]

Yes Sir I Can Boogie gets further embedded into Scottish culture
[They’ve named a gritter after it]

Inside Johnny Depp’s implosion
[Read on THR]

Pop stars talk music streaming to politicians
[Chic, Elbow, Radiohead etc]

New Zealand breakfast TV accidentally celebrates the wedding anniversary of Fred and Rosemary West
[…with Sister Sledge]

Chester Zoo welcomes ping-pong ball sized twin monkeys
[Cute little critters]

A thread of the Queen blasting out pop songs in her car
[See on Twitter]

Still Bored?
An 11th hour contender for film of the year: A Recipe For Seduction, which sees AC Slater from Saved By The Bell playing KFC’s Colonel Sanders, trapped in a high-class love triangle.
[See the trailer here]