Liam Payne: A Hockney Original

Frank Sinatra-singing Liam was unsuccessful then but they struck up a friendship, so he confided in them that he kept getting told he just wasn’t cool enough to be a pop star. Liam seemed to go out of his way ever since to prove with his love for drink, drugs and tattoos that it wasn’t the case.

It’s such a shame he didn’t have the same faith in himself that some real taste-makers didEW EW. Our favourite story about Liam was that in his post-One Direction years he got into art, and started to do some drawing.

Word of his new hobby reached David Hockney’s great-nephew, who kindly arranged for Liam to meet the man himself.

In advance of the meeting, Liam made a portrait of Hockney, and presented it to him when they did get to hang out.

Hockney was so taken with the result that he hung the portrait up in his house.

It makes sense she’d want to align herself with the coolest musician around – especially given the industry rumours that Billie’s actually going out with an ex-Nickelodeon child star. And trying to keep their existence completely secret.

It’s probably better for her reputation if everyone thinks she fancies Charli instead.

The MP in question enjoyed a few late night parties with a special guest. All while his girlfriend stayed at home in London.

A hint: it’s the same MP who was overheard before the election saying “I’ve got to have as much fun as I can before I can’t.”

Whips are now trying to work out whether his conference guest was male or female.

[Listen/Subscribe here]

Mmmmmmm, butter

In his single days Gregg once got the phone number of a crew member on one of his shows and left her a voicemail that was deeply romantic.

Gregg explained that he’d booked a hotel room for the two of them that night, but that she shouldn’t be worried because he was “very clean.”

She declined his kind offer.

His new band, ‘For You’ seems to operate almost exclusively out of Norway. The band’s website describes For You as a “pop/rock sensation led by renowned actor Ed Westwick, widely known for his iconic role as Chuck Bass.”

Their recent releases are all singles with fitting titles: There’s Don’t Kick Me Out, Here Comes Trouble and, the best, Red Flags. 

Get your flights to Oslo sorted now for the tour.

She didn’t actually do it, mind you. What happened was, her picture was just being used under the headline “Channel 4 Countdown star charged with stabbing rival at tournament” on the Daily Star and multiple Reach publications.

The crime in question had actually been committed by a once-contestant of the show – only they weren’t famous. Susie was fingered for the focus of the piece to help their clickbait.

But Susie complained, so the picture was hastily swapped out under all versions of the story. But whether that’s enough to stop any legals, time will tell.

In fairness, given how bad staff turnover is at Reach, it’s no wonder mistakes aren’t being picked up by overworked staff.

Copy is often turned in by trainees who, understandably, have no idea about libel or defamation.

But not for any reason anyone self-respecting Instagrammer would want for their brand values.

Her former landlord successfully sued her for unpaid rent, letting her dog defecate daily in the flat and allowing her daughter to draw on the walls. Possibly also, half inching a hoover.

Damages were awarded to the landlord over this most unmotherly behaviour.

[Find out more at Relōku]

Joey Essex was the special guest at gay club Plush in Oxford last night.

For some reason, he was there opening their new sports night called Quackers.

Joey seems to be strapped for cash though, as he went straight to the VIP section and started asking to charge £3 for a photo.

Some panicked calls to the city along the lines of: “Do you know anyone who knows anything about investment and wants a peerage?” finally bore fruit.

So, congratulations to Poppy Gustafsson, crowned new Investment Minister this week!

Previously, Poppy was chief cashier at arguably the biggest accounting scandal in British tech history – Autonomy – at the time the company was sold to Hewlett-Packard for £8.4bn, a figure founder Michael Lynch was accused of fraudulently inflating.

“We’ve sold our birthright down the fjord to a nation of seven million skiers and hammer throwers who spend half their lives in darkness” – Jeff Powell Daily Mail 24 years ago.

“England must be English down to the kit man… we need a patriot who will put this country first, second and third” – Jess Powell Daily Mail this week.

Well, they had a pre-recorded interview with Robert Smith. Made by his label. One that had been pre-recorded and shopped around to no other takers. And yet it looked to an outsider like an exclusive with the music legend.

An “exclusive” pre-record they only revealed in one line, four paragraphs in.

[Subscribe here]

[Impressive dedication to being a hater]

World Conker Championship rocked by cheating row

[Read on Metro]

Stan Lee’s old LA mansion is up for sale

[Price includes three Spidermen statues]

A huge auction of Power Rangers props

[Go go]

The Rest Is Politics live is ‘like joining a middle-class cult’

[Read on iNews]

Patrick Hurley MP, who featured in last week’s issue for his campaign to reduce the price of Freddos, asks you to add to his petition

[5p Freddos]

“I think I’m in a really receiving/listening phase in my life, do you know what I mean?

[Craig David in the Standard]