Moldova And Out

Another round of headlines this week made it clearer than ever that GB News really is looking to become a British carbon copy of Fox.

You might wonder if there’s much sense in trying to emulate a media organisation that has spent most of the last five years embroiled in multiple scandals, fending off accusations of toxic workplace harassment and bullying, while simultaneously arranging discreet pay-offs to pacify complainants and using strong-arm tactics to force others into line.

We’re not so sure there is. But if that’s what they’re aiming for, we have to admit: Dan Wootton is an inspired hire.

Steve Coogan has spent decades making audiences cringe. Now it seems he’s expanding his act to include acquaintances too.

Steve’s latest squeeze is a young art college student. Rather than trying to brush over the noticeable age-gap between them, Steve is choosing to tackle it head-on instead, cracking gags about it himself before anyone else gets the chance.

By joking that she’s his daughter.

Which British music exec used to treat one of his male underlings to loads of global travel, sending him off to look after the label’s acts in various territories – specifically so that he could conduct an affair with the guy’s fiancée while he was away?

It’s easy to rib Rita Ora’s overexaggerated reactions to celebrities on The Masked Singer she clearly doesn’t recognise – but, in fairness to her, even some of the celebs themselves aren’t always 100% sure who they are either.

When Morten Harket from a-ha was unmasked as the Viking last weekend, he told Joel Dommett and the panel that a big part of the reason he wanted to do the show was because he had “never done theatre, films”.

Must have been a different Morten Harket from a-ha that starred in the 1988 film Kamilla Og Tyven (Kamilla And The Thief) then. And sang on the soundtrack. And appeared in its sequel.

If we gave the impression last week that in order to be a fashion model these days all you had to do was be the kid of a famous parent, we might have oversimplified things. It’s 2021. You can’t just coast your way to the catwalk on the coattails of a 90s celebrity any more.

Your other parent has to be high up in media too.

Kate Moss’s kid, Lila, graced the cover of Dazed (handily owned by her dad, Jefferson Hack). Bobby Gillespie’s kid, Wolf, scored a cover at AnOther (where his mother, Katy England, is Senior Fashion Editor-at-Large). And Sharleen Spiteri’s daughter is currently modelling for Miu Miu, so it surely won’t be long before she’ll be on the front of Pop Magazine (which was co-founded by her father, Ashley Heath).

Reviews haven’t been kind to the new Oliver Twist reboot, Twist, which reimagines the Dickens classic as a modern graffiti-parkour Lock Stock-style crime caper – but never let it be said that director Martin Owen doesn’t fully throw himself into his projects.

During the filming of his last movie, Killers Anonymous, Martin decided to make a cameo in the huge, bloody Tarantino-esque fight scene he’d envisioned. The part he gave himself was that of an assassin disguised as a policeman, who gets his arm chopped off by a machete and is then knocked out with his own severed limb.

Despite that ridiculous premise, Martin ended up giving an unexpectedly realistic performance. Mainly because the prosthetic arm they’d bought had a hefty metal core running through the centre of it – so when he was hit with it, it actually did knock him out.

Maybe any future reviewers should take this into account.

Betting sponsorship in football was the focus of a damning special report in The Athletic this week. Premier League clubs that fund themselves by partnering with overseas bookmakers looking to attract foreign customers came in for a particular kicking.

Sports clubs aren’t the only organisations that betting operators see as a cash cow though. They’re very keen to partner with media businesses too. In fact, just last week we got a press release trumpeting a new deal agreed by BetMGM, a newish US outfit. Their media partners were gushing proudly about the vision they shared with the company to “seamlessly blend media, analysis and betting,” which would make their publication a “home for great betting content”.

So, congratulations on the new deal… The Athletic!

S writes:
“Saw your piece on cardboard cut-outs kept in offices and it reminded me of when I worked at Ministry of Sound. The owner, James (now Lord) Palumbo, kept a life-size cardboard cut-out of Jean-Luc Picard in the corner of his office, which was a kind of glass box that looked out over the whole open-plan space below. Sometimes he turned Jean-Luc around so he was surveying the staff. Not sure anyone ever asked him why a Star Trek character was the only concession to decoration he had in his office.”

Know of any other weird celebrity cardboard cut-outs? hello@popbitch.com

For the last 13 years, we’ve watched Moldovan pop star Sasha Bognibov’s annual attempts to represent his home nation at Eurovision. Unfortunately, Moldova’s judging panel haven’t really warmed to his previous entries “I Love The Girls Of 13 Years Old”, “Do You Like My Sexy Lips?” and “Fuck Me Once”.

So this year Sasha is trying something different. He’s offering up his latest song “(I Just Had) Sex With Your Ex” to Denmark instead.

Whether they’ll take him up on this very kind offer remains to be seen…

[Listen to his 2021 effort]

As we all need things to look forward to at the moment, Adam Curtis is launching a new documentary series on iPlayer next week. His most personal and emotional work to date, Can’t Get You Out Of My Head tells the story of how we got where we are today.

One of the stories threaded throughout it is that of Operation Mindfuck: a group of 1960s pranksters who wanted to show how ridiculous conspiracy theories were by placing stories in the media attributing all calamities and conspiracies in the world to an 18th century Bavarian society called the Illuminati.

50 years on, the idea has spun out of control. 15% of registered American voters surveyed last year said they believed the Illuminati controlled the world. The concept that female pop stars are secret government operatives using their lyrics and videos to spread the Illuminati’s teaching and mind control is also widely held too.

And yet, despite knowing that these conspiracy theories weren’t real, how did the Mindfuck guys come to believe in them? Find out from Feb 11th, on BBC iPlayer.

[Watch trailer here]

More Sunday Sport headlines in Hollywood movies
[Watch on YouTube]

Local News Of The Week: Margarine Tub Shit Edition
[Read on Coventry Telegraph]

Panda sledding
[See on Twitter]

An oral history of C-3PO’s one-off erection
[Read on MEL]

Lego have made an album of ambient brick rustling
[Listen on Spotify]

Is your MP a prick?
[ismympaprick.co.uk]

How Steps made 5,6,7,8
[Read on The Guardian]

Angry baby goats wearing protective head gear
[See on Twitter]