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“I made the wrong decisions. But also I became Jason Donovan” – Jason Donovan |
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* The Queen and M go drinking
* Mr Frosty’s Bar Bill
* PLUS: The five stages of MOTD grief |
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| >> Exclusive banditry << |
| Hot off the presses |
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Exclusives are hard to come by during silly season, but the Sun and the Mail have found a way to get by. This past week they’ve both been shouting all over social media about their most recent big EXCLUSIVE – that Nick Grimshaw’s Ibiza villa was robbed by masked intruders.
It’s a fantastic story for whoever did get the exclusive. But it clearly wasn’t the Mail, as their ‘exclusive’ was peppered with quotes from the Sun’s.
And the Sun’s ‘exclusive’ report came a full day after the story originally appeared in… the previous day’s Popbitch.
Much like other previous EXCLUSIVES this year, such as: the mystery shitter at Gwyneth Paltrow’s house in the Hamptons, Sophie Ellis Bextor playing Murder on the Dancefloor at the Bataclan, and another one we sadly can’t repeat because the Mail’s pick-up got us in trouble with some high-powered American lawyers…
(You could at least take out a Club Popbitch subscription, you cheapskates.) |
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| Over one million people have searched for the name of Oasis’s original drummer in the past 24 hours. |
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| >> First class lover << |
| Friends in high places |
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Cara Delevingne is used to travelling in style. So it’s unsurprising that she was pride of place in seat 1A on a recent flight back from Sardinia.
Cara also took advantage of BA’s chauffeur service for VIP flyers. She was joined in the car by her girlfriend, who had been stowed all the way back in economy during the flight. |
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| Jamie Lee Curtis’s role in Halloween has been ranked the most popular nepo-baby film debut of all time. |
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| >> Big Questions << |
| Who’s gone Jermaine Jenas this week? |
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Which senior podcast producer has finally got his comeuppance after years of complaints from female colleagues? While immediate bosses ignored the constant DM sliding while he climbed the greasy podcast pole, HR finally stepped in to give him his marching orders. Much to the relief of junior staff within about three floors. |
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| Horse racing has got a game to rival EA Sports FIFA, NBA 2K, and F1! Owners Club is a new free-to-play mobile game where you pit your wits against other gamers to train and race your own AI-powered racehorse. Enter the Champions Day Challenge, a free-to-enter launch competition to win an exciting prize experience at QIPCO British Champions Day, 19 Oct. Download from the UK App Store or Google Play now. |
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| >> Swedish fishing << |
| A nose for news |
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Sven-Goran Eriksson will be remembered as much for his shagging as for his football management. He got up to so much of it (the former) that even the sports journalists got tired of the psychosexual drama.
When Sven’s affair with Ulrika Jonsson was broken by the News of the World, the Sunday Times demanded to know why their football correspondent – who was also Sven’s biographer at the time – didn’t know about it first.
The hack’s reply? “Yeah, of course I did. I just didn’t think you’d be interested.” |
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| Overheard at the Lord’s Test today “Have you been to John Caudwell’s house in Mayfair? It’s 80,000 sqft and he’s got an upskirting mirrored dancefloor in the basement.” |
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| >> Rock’n’roll star << |
| Not quite mad fer it |
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Rejoice! Liam and Noel Gallagher’s mercurial relationship has been mended, just in time for a series of incredibly lucrative gigs next summer and an expensive divorce. What great timing!
Cynical? Us? Perhaps it’s because back in their heyday they stage managed plenty of their bust-up antics too. In the late 90s the warring brothers stormed off stage at a gig in Glasgow, supposedly because someone in the crowd lobbed a bottle of beer at the band.
In fact the whole thing was pre-planned – according to their roadies, it happened because neither brother could actually be arsed to play.
The Gallagher’s hard-drinking, sex, drugs and rock’n’roll reputation has been slightly overplayed too. When Noel returned to his hotel in Glasgow that night, staying separately to Liam (because even at this point they couldn’t stand the sight of each other) he retreated to the bar for a lime cordial, signing his bill ‘Mr Frosty’.
Anyway, best of luck getting tickets. |
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| Corporate hospitality seats for Oasis at Wembley were going for £720 earlier this week; now £6k |
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| >> Bloody Maggies << |
| Five o’clock somewhere |
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The Gallagher brothers could take a leaf out of Judi Dench and Maggie Smith’s book. The hellraisers once went on holiday together for a month back in the late 90s.
Installing themselves in a hotel near Oban, the pair drank constantly, all day, every day, from breakfast Bloody Marys till bedtime.
The Queen and M do not wait for cocktail hours. |
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| Giles Coren put his Cotswolds house on the market in May for £2.5 million, before dropping the price to £2.25m, in June. The keyboard warriors of Tattle Life and Mumsnet (who seem to hate him) started taking an interest, and we see it’s been taken off the market. |
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| >> Short’n’sweet << |
| Fame’s honeymoon period |
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Sabrina Carpenter can’t put a foot wrong at the moment. This week brings a third number one single and debut number one album. And – while pop stars from Chappell Roan to Doja Cat have been complaining about getting stalked by fans – it’s been a different story entirely for Sabrina.
Out in Manhattan this week she was stopped by a wannabe Tik Tok “creator” who had absolutely no idea who she was. Repeatedly asked to “say hello to my [20k] followers”, Carpenter [20m followers] straight-batted everything, even giving her name when asked, to the Tik Tokker’s continued disinterest.
FYI: This last track off the album is just bliss
[Don’t Smile] |
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Lifelong is on a mission to turn the daily task of deodorising into a feel-good, luxury morning ritual. And with their hyper-stylish applicator, coupled with an all-natural, plant based deodorant – it’ll be good for you and the planet. Popbitches who sign up for a subscription get their first three refills FREE and applicators are 30% off this week too. Use code POPBITCH at checkout.
[Enjoy Lifelong luxury here] |
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| >> Career Suicide << |
| Jermaine’s five stages of grief |
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It’s often said that the news cycle has massively sped up in the internet age. Jermaine Jenas would concur. Only been a week since he got dumped by the BBC but since then he has, very publicly, been through all five stages of grief for his career.
1. Denial
“I’m obviously going to say I’m not a sex pest”, was his starting point, as he detailed the frantic sexting he was enjoying with colleagues, claiming it was with “two consenting adults”. “With one she made it clear she was interested,” he added.
2. Anger
Live on TalkSport as the story broke, “Am not happy about it… I’m going to have to let the lawyers deal with it. You know, there’s two sides to every story”.
3. Bargaining
“Yes there was alcohol involved but I take full responsibility. I really want to apologise from the bottom of my heart in terms of what I’ve put them through.”
4. Depression
“I haven’t slept properly since they told me, to be honest… You just kind of lay there, mind ticking over until you just pass out,” JJ told The Sun.
5. Acceptance
“I’ve let everyone down. Even my dog looked at me disappointed.” |
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| US Republicans are having fun with the fact ‘Harris Walz’ is almost, but not quite, an anagram of ‘Sharia Law’. Incidentally, ‘Trump Vance’ actually is an anagram of ‘Cunt Revamp’. |
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| >> It’s grim up north << |
| Ring in the bad news |
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Ring ring. Who’s there? Kieran? Kieran who? Kieran Trippier is having a fucking terrible summer.
He announced his retirement from international football today, three hours before new interim manager Lee Carsley announced his England squad. Presumably he wasn’t going to be in it. Club footballer isn’t going that much better, as the sports’ pages keep running thinkpieces like “Why is Kieran Trippier being exiled by Newcastle?”
Kieran did get to go to Germany for the Euros this summer, but wife Charlotte stayed behind. And then went on holiday on her own to Santorini instead. Be interesting to see who goes where if the transfer window this week brings him a new club. |
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| Boring footballer alert – Rodri. Has been holidaying in Ibiza, “Incredibly nice, bought drinks for everyone, chatted to anyone and had his mates make sure, politely, that none of the girls who swarm around footballers could get near him.” |
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| >> Below Standard << |
| All Greek (salad) to the PM |
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Keir Starmer hasn’t managed to win over the Evening Standard quite yet.
It’s long been a weird Tory stronghold in London (former home of George Osborne; big cheerleader for Boris; owned by his pal Lord Lebedev) but it ran a really bizarre headline this week:
“Concerns raised about Starmer’s unhealthy lunch – A nutritionist has sounded the alarm”
The major concern? “He’ll get sleepy mid-afternoon and probably quite hungry,” warned said nutritionist, Florence Heathcoat-Amory.
That’s Florence, otherwise known as the daughter of ex-Tory MP, David Heathcoat-Amory.
FYI: The unhealthy lunch? Greek salad, steak-flavoured crisps and a can of Tango. |
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Ever wanted to get the Big Answers to the Big Questions? Sometimes you can, when you sign up to Club Popbitch. £4 a month not only gets you an extra mailout each week but some other exclusive perks too. It’s easy to sign up – and just as easy to cancel whenever you want too.
[Join the club] |
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| Thanks to: RL, CW, CL, mount_st_nobody, SB, LT, JC |
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Old Jokes Home
Q/ What’s an aircraft mechanic’s favourite Oasis song?
A/ Don’t Look Back in Hangar
Still Bored?
Play the Rawdog flight simulator
Flight Simulator.
[Stare straight ahead] |
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