Want more Popbitch in your life? For £4 a month you can join Club Popbitch – which not only gets you an extra mailout each week but some other exclusive perks too. It’s easy to sign up – and just as easy to cancel whenever you want too.
[Join the club] |
|
|
|
|
“I’ve got a lovely willy” – Rylan |
|
|
|
|
|
Free newsletter every Thursday subscribe
Email stories to us hello@popbitch.com
* Bouncing safely with Derulo
* Mixed up Gallagher Genes
* PLUS: Pitbull and the 1% |
|
|
|
| >> Razzie Williams << |
| A bit of monkey business |
|
Audiences in LA were treated to an early screening of the Robbie Williams biopic Better Man last week (which we first alluded to in PB May 22). The one where Robbie is played by a CGI monkey.
It seems the cut of the film they were treated to contained no explanation whatsoever as to why Robbie is a monkey while the rest of the cast is entirely human.
It left the American audience completely bemused. The two most-asked questions afterwards: “Why is he a monkey?” And “Who is Robbie Williams?”
FYI: Director Michael Gracey is apparently refusing to make any changes and is threatening to take his name off it if he’s forced to. |
|
|
|
| Three million bananas were provided for athletes in this year’s Olympic Village. |
|
|
|
| >> Take me home << |
| More of an underground appeal |
|
It’s always good to be optimistic but perhaps Jess Glynne’s gone a bit far.
She played an open air gig at Crystal Palace Bowl on Friday, but struggled to shift the tickets. A bunch ended up being offered up for free through various channels.
Nobody thought to tell the train companies though, who also massively overestimated her popularity. They very thoughtfully put on a bunch of additional services to take her fan(s) back home after the concert. |
|
|
|
| Spotted at Herne Hill Farmers Market reading a copy of One Hundred Years Of Solitude… Alexander Skarsgard. |
|
|
|
| >> Big Questions << |
| Who’s asking what this week? |
|
Which prominent political +1 has been spotted out in Pacha this summer, powdering her nose and partying until the early hours every night? |
|
|
|
,—–, Love a sesh? So do Octopus
/ \ Energy. They hosted their
( @ @ ) first free leccy sesh this
\ v / afternoon, giving Octoplus
(())|(()) members free electricity
))|||(( when the grid was filled
with cheap, clean renewables. If you
want to get on it, sign up today…
[Find out more at Octopus Energy] |
|
|
|
| >> Playtime Derulo << |
| Talk bouncy to me |
|
Jason Derulo suffered a near-death experience a decade ago when an attempt to do a back flip in the gym went wrong and resulted in him breaking his neck. So it was no surprise to hear he was having a more gentle time of it in Amsterdam recently… hanging out at Candy Castle, a children’s soft-play facility.
He was taking no chances there though. Alongside his toddler son, Jason also had a giant bodyguard following him around the whole time. Presumably to protect him from boisterous 4 year-olds on the slides and in the ballpit. |
|
|
|
| Spotted making a “sort of boot shaped cup” at a pottery studio in Hoxton this week… Robert Pattinson! |
|
|
|
| >> Rooney tunes << |
| Wayne in a million |
|
Do we have an unlikely avant-garde music fan on our hands in Wayne Rooney?
He was in the crowd at Plymouth’s Steel Brew last week watching Kavus Torabi, the ex-Cardiacs guitarist perhaps best known for the Utopia Strong project, alongside snooker legend Steve Davis.
Rooney appeared to have a great time and even stayed past last orders to finish his drinks with the staff. Wazza is on record as being a fan of middle of the road bores like James Bay, Mumford and Sons and Ed Sheeran, so maybe along with his new life as a manager he’s developed a more refined taste in tunes?
Steel Brew had hosted an Ed Sheeran tribute act the week before, but Rooney was nowhere to be seen. |
|
|
|
| RFK Jr is a keen bird fancier. He’s got a falconry licence, owns an emu, and claims to be training two ravens to come when called, hold poker chips in their beaks and speak. |
|
|
|
| >> Barred Candy << |
| Not a Priti picture |
|
The Tory leadership race is hotting up, but things aren’t looking too rosy for Priti Patel.
Tory party donors who were formerly Team Boris are refusing to get behind Priti because of her links to the Partygate leak. Her top spin doctor James Starkie was the one they suspect sent the Mirror the infamous CCHQ photo of a lockdown Christmas party – the first domino in the chain that eventually toppled BoJo.
Starkie is so reviled in those circles he’s suffered an extremely Tory punishment. Nick Candy – billionaire and husband of Holly Valance – has had him banned from various clubs in London. |
|
|
|
Northbound Boy at the King’s Head Theatre. A new queer comedy about a man that inherits a house, a boy that steals his heart – and an aunt that steals his heirlooms. Featuring the stage debut from Heartstopper’s Cormac Hyde-Corrin, plus stars from It’s A Sin and Doctors, it’s a perfect play for a summer evening. Playing until Sept 1st.
[Info and tickets here] |
|
|
|
| >> Tic tok << |
| Donny’s skate crime |
|
Growing old can soften even the hardest hellraiser – but not Donny Tourette. You’ll be pleased to know he’s still as rebellious as ever.
Not only does he still smoke indoors (a la his infamous Never Mind The Buzzcocks appearance) he’s now taken to skateboarding indoors too.
[Very cool] |
|
|
|
| Nominative Determinism Of The Week: Ms I Testi, an ocular consultant at Moorfields Eye Hospital |
|
|
|
| >> Cockpit << |
| Snakes on a plane |
|
Tommy Robinson might have been hiding out in Cyprus during Britain’s week of riots, but Nigel Farage fled even further.
Farage was spotted in Hong Kong, where his son lives. The man of the people demanded a VIP escort to whisk him through airport security to the Heathrow flight.
FYI: Want to hire the head of the English Defence League to play bass for you? He’s available… |
|
|
|
| Liam Gallagher has always claimed he named his son Gene after Gene Krupa. Gene says his mum (Nicole Appleton) actually named him after Gene Simmons. |
|
|
|
| >> Worldwide appeal << |
| On everyone’s guestlist |
|
Playing private parties for the rich and famous is a lucrative sideline for… well, the other rich and famous.
All sorts of megastars have made millions playing at high-end weddings, birthdays and bar mitzvahs. Practically everyone’s available for the right price – but the most popular choice to entertain the one percenters?
Pitbull.
Mr Worldwide has a glowing reputation in the luxury party industry – for three very simple reasons. He always turns up. He has cross-generational, multi-demographic appeal. And he loves posing for selfies. Dale! |
|
|
|
Better, Faster, Safer, Fairer. Not quite as catchy as the Daft Punk hit, but a good summation of Relōku’s London moving service. From single items to full removals, Relōku offers instant booking, precision timing, efficiency-optimised dynamic routing and industry unique ‘exact-use’ charges. Get £10 credit just for signing up, and use PUNK15 for 15% off.
[Find out more at Relōku] |
|
|
|
| >> Hmmms << |
| Milk, memes, Mario 64 |
|
Gorillaz’ Demon Days album, recreated with the Mario 64 soundbank
[Listen on YouTube]
Fancy a GB News branded milk delivery bike?
[A snip at £5K]
The memeification of Tim Walz
[Read on Esquire]
How’s the fated Katy Perry album rollout going? She’s now being sued for dancing on protected sand dunes.
[Read on The Cut]
Is Canary Wharf the most cursed place in London?
[Read on The Fence] |
|
|
|
| Thanks to: RL, TM, angleworm_angel, b0w, ME, JH, obv_anon, sixfingeredwords, MA, LW, mountstnobody, JM, DJW, NS |
|
|
|
Old Jokes Home
I thought the word caesarean began with an S.
But when I looked in the dictionary it was in the C section.
Still Bored?
Steven Bartlett was once a battle rapper called Lyricist
[Watch him ~4mins in] |
|
|
|
|
|
