Popbitch
  • Latest Email
  • Stories
  • Archive
  • Club Popbitch
  • Quizzes
  • About

Shameless Behaviour

 

Want fresh, restaurant-quality pasta delivered direct to your door, with all manner of delicious, authentic sauces and garnishes alongside it? Of course you do! Why wouldn’t you? This is the dream. Best of all, Popbitch readers get 60% off their first Pasta Evangelists box by using this link – or using code PBNOV60 at checkout.
[Place your order at Pasta Evangelists]
“Turns out my interview is no longer car crash of the century” – Kerry Katona
logo
Free newsletter every Thursday subscribe
Email stories to us hello@popbitch.com
* Rolf Harris loses his crown!
* CBeebies gets scandalised!
* PLUS: Prince Andrew. Obviously.
>> Who’s your daddy? <<
Jennifer sets parent trap
 

Funny though it was to see Lorraine Kelly go in two-footed on Jennifer Arcuri on Good Morning Britain earlier this week, Lorraine might have crossed the wrong woman.

Back when Arcuri was making waves as the CEO of Hacker House, she had a rather proactive method of dealing with negative press. She would get the journalists who displeased her on the phone – then threaten to set her dad on them.

Perhaps if Michelle Visage had put in a few more hours last week she wouldn’t have got the boot – but she was spotted on the Eurostar heading to Paris last Wednesday morning, rather than Blackpool. (Maybe she got her towers confused?)
>> Management issues <<
Mou money, Mou problems
 

Tottenham probably don’t yet know the full extent of what appointing Jose Mourinho as manager entails, but he has some very particular demands.

For instance, Mou has been known to throw a huge hissy fit if his club chooses anywhere other than California to go on pre-season tour. Once this has been agreed, he then insists that Los Angeles be their base. And when the club suggests some of LA’s more famous 5* hotels for the squad to stay in, every single one will be turned down in favour of Mou’s preferred lodgings: the Montage in Beverly Hills.

He’ll insist on this, even if the extra cost means a lot of staff have to be left behind, split up or shipped off to a cheaper 4* nearby.

What makes the Montage so important to Mou? Someone at the hotel let slip that his loyalty might have more to do with a special friend who works there, rather than any of the establishment’s many on-site amenities.

Nominative Determinism Of The Week: The BBC journalist who was sent to speak to residents in Finsbury Park about the recent flooding… James Waterhouse!
>> Big Questions <<
Who’s asking what this week?
 

Seriously, what is going on in the gents loos at the Daily Mail? First there were empty cans of lager appearing, now there’s proper metal cutlery turning up in the bins too. Is someone running a supper club out of there?

OK, now it really is fucking cold. If your heating is cranked right up like ours then you should sign up to LOOK AFTER MY BILLS so you don’t get hit with a mega bill. The FREE service switches your gas and electricity every year, automatically, without you lifting a finger! 2 minute sign up. £253 average saving. Join over 200,000 LOOK AFTER MY BILLS members saving the smart way.
[Get signed up here]
>> Royal blush <<
A major embarrassment
 

You’ll have seen by now just how badly Prince Andrew’s interview with Emily Maitlis went. Between him trying to recall exactly which years his sweat glands were active, and attempting to rebrand his erections as “positive action[s]”, it could hardly have gone worse for him. So why on earth is he thinking of doing a second?

As we pointed out in the Yewtree years, TV interviews like this often take quite a bit of practice to get right. Cliff Richard had the good sense to do most of his practice in private. So we’ve dusted off the media training notes that his PR people compiled for him back then to see if there were maybe a few lessons in there that we could pass across to His Royal Highness…

[Read ‘Royal Blush’ on Popbitch]

Long-time readers of Popbitch won’t have been surprised to read the Evening Standard’s Monday exclusive about Prince Andrew’s “N-word row”. We ran the same story back in May 2018 [Issue 884: “Olive’s Queif”]
>> Duke and the Dookie <<
Prince Andrew v Richard III
 

Since his kamikaze interview, Prince Andrew has announced that he will step back from his public duties. But will he be relinquishing his royal perks? Our humble advice is that he probably should – and not just for appearances’ sake.

There is supposedly a toilet at Edinburgh Airport which is reserved for the Royals’ use. Many years ago, when Andrew was passing through on his way to play golf nearby, he needed to use the facilities. However, it appears that someone had popped in to use this extra special toilet ahead of Andy and left the Duke a little floating gift in the bowl.

Andrew was furious, screaming at staff “Is this how you treat the fucking Royals?!”

He’ll be lucky to get anything that mild again.

Ironically, the one Pitch@Palace business partner to have come out in vocal support of Prince Andrew is a men’s grooming firm (King of Shaves).
>> Shameless behaviour <<
Back at it, like rabbits
 

It’s not often that we have cause to report on CBeebies, but the second series of Bing The Rabbit has just started airing, five years after the first, and there’s been quite an interesting change in personnel.

Pauline McLynn has reprised her role of Gilly for S2, but Mark Rylance has handed over the character of Flop to a new actor… David Threlfall.

The last time that Threlfall and McLynn worked together was on Shameless. Our lawyer has advised us not to explain the precise circumstances that led to that particular professional relationship dissolving – so let us just say this.

Our fingers are crossed for all involved that producers don’t feel that Flop is integral to the show’s plot, and that Pauline McLynn has already signed her contract for series three.

Happy publication day to David Walliams, whose latest kids book has just hit the shelves: “The Beast Of Buckingham Palace”. How timely!
>> Bantersaurus <<
The Times, they aren’t a-changing
 

The Daily Star ran a front page this week bemoaning the death of workplace “bantz”, saying that nearly two-thirds of men are now afraid to make “old-school quips” in the office in case PC snowflakes kick up a fuss.

Clearly, this news has yet to reach the broadsheets. Staff at The Times are well used to hearing some very salty language from their esteemed editor. More than one colleague there has been treated to his charming chat-up line: “You have no idea how much I want to shove my cock into you.”

Need a brilliantly fun way to spend an hour this festive season? Spencer Jones (Edinburgh Comedy Award nominee and star of BBC’s The Mind of Herbert Clunkerdunk) has his brand new show, The Things We Leave Behind, on at the Soho Theatre from Dec 2nd-14th. Popbitch readers get an exclusive 25% discount on tickets with the code HERBERT.
[Book your tickets here]
>> Talking balls <<
Squeezing out every last drop
 

Further to last week’s discussion of celebrities who cradle their balls while pissing (Hugh Grant, Hugh Laurie, etc) – a quick clarification:

It seems Dara O’Briain felt that we were suggesting he cupped his balls while he weed. We really didn’t mean to. We only meant to point out that he had previously promoted the technique of manually expressing the final dribble of urine from the urethra by digging a finger in at the back of the scrotum – which he did on S6E7 of QI (at about 18’15).

If you were under the mistaken impression that we were claiming Dara cups his balls while weeing, we weren’t and Dara would like make the following clear: “I have never expressed any opinion on cupping your own balls while you wee. Particularly since wee comes from the bladder, not the testicles, so it would be totally pointless.”

We are very happy to clear this matter up.

FYI: The act of cupping one’s balls while weeing is called “fruitbowling”.

Every single football club that played Ajax in last season’s Champions League has since sacked their manager.
>> Sun set <<
A bizarre recollection
 

As part of The Sun’s recent 50th anniversary celebrations, Dan Wootton wrote a gushing tribute to the paper’s Bizarre column, revisiting some of its best scoops from its various former editors. Most of the big names were there: Piers Morgan, Nick Ferrari, Gordon Smart, Dan himself. But there was one rather notable exception.

Once again, there was absolutely no mention of Andy Coulson.

Coulson edited Bizarre for four years in the 90s but – in much the same way he was airbrushed out of the Times’ serialisation of David Cameron’s recent memoirs – there was no trace to be found of him.

It’s a shame, because there’s still plenty of good stories about Andy from those high, heady days to be told. The evening he chazbapped with Anna Friel, for example.

Andy Coulson is still trying to pull in every favour he can to stop journalists from drawing attention to his fledgling new venture, Coulson Partners. So, please. Forget we ever mentioned it.
>> Monkey business <<
Australian rehabilitation
 

Our congratulations to Tones And I, whose single Dance Monkey has been number one in the UK charts for the last seven weeks. It’s an impressive feat in and of itself, but they’ve also just clinched the record for the longest run at No.1 for an Australian artist in the UK Top 40.

Beating the six-week run of the previous title holder… Rolf Harris.

This week’s Media Masters is an interview with Camilla Tominey, the associate editor of the Daily Telegraph. With 15 years’ experience of reporting on a variety of royal and political stories, there’s scarcely been a better time to talk with her about the brutal inner workings of Westminster and what Buckingham Palace does with Prince Andrew now.
[Listen/Download on Media Masters]
>> Hmmms <<
Dogging, pets, pricks
 

Legendary rockers Hawkwind want your help to find missing pets!
[See on The Courier]

Doggers of Lincolnshire! Here are your hottest hangouts
[All is revealed]

Meet China’s pet wheelchair king
[Read on Sixthtone]

If you enjoyed the story about Mothercare and Ze Records last week, here’s a great Twitter thread on the others acts that Mothercare’s money funded
[See on Twitter]

A real-time cascade of emojis as they’re used on Twitter
[Surprisingly soothing]

Get 50% off sex toys and lingerie at Lovehoney right through to December 3rd in its Black Friday and Cyber Monday sale
[Take a look on Lovehoney]

Fancy the world’s most hideous job?
[It’s on Gumtree]

Thanks to: MM, LP, KL, TM, KL, PD, OTHH, MC, JH, M, GJ, KM, tartanqueen, Party-B, JM, whatever_yeah?, PB, NB, NM, DL
Old Jokes Home
Q/ Why does the Duke Of York not sweat?
A/ He uses Andy-perspirant

Still Bored?
Enjoying Ian Wright on I’m A Celebrity? Check out his previous on-screen masterpiece, Gun Of The Black Sun: a film about a haunted Nazi revolver and Romanian gangsters
[Watch on YouTube]

 

Fancy Another?

  • Bedroom Burrito
  • Down The Juicer With Daubney
  • A Pocketful Of Yoghurt
  • A Dogging Oasis
  • A Proper CB

  • Privacy
  • FAQ
  • GDPR Statement