Win a Ferrari 488 GTB + £5,000, or a life changing £130,000 of tax free cash, for just 99p! Each draw has limited tickets and a guaranteed winner, regardless of how many tickets sell. The live draw will be at 8pm this Sunday on the 7 Days Performance Facebook page.
[Enter here] |
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“Liam Gallagher is a great rock singer but an absolute tosser as a person” – Alan Rickman |
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Email stories to us hello@popbitch.com
* Dame Judi’s theme tune
* A Cock and Bulls story
* PLUS: Yewtree turns 10 |
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>> Pound the alarm << |
Revisiting the paper trail |
Obviously the government has bigger catastrophes to fry right now, but we can’t stop thinking about that dossier Tory staffers compiled a few years back to help them keep tabs on the various skeletons in their closets.
The idea was to keep government whips up to speed on any potential scandals that might break; a handy cheat sheet to remind themselves of the rumours circulating about MPs’ conduct.
Looking back, it proved to be quite a prescient document – although it failed to mitigate much damage to some of the MPs who featured on it: Charlie Elphicke, Chris Pincher, Mark Garnier, Matt Hancock, Michael Fallon, Damien Green (etc, etc).
Only two women managed to smash the glass ceiling and bag themselves a place on the list. Liz Truss was one of them. Fingers crossed her entry was all just baseless gossip, otherwise the pound might not just end up in trouble. It might end up in a throuple… |
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In her recent memoirs, Mel C says the Spice Girls got hold of Seal’s phone number and used to call him up anonymously, just to make seal noises down the phone at him. |
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>> Rubbed out << |
An unhappy ending |
anon writes:
“About five or six years ago there were many chat show pilots hosted by Rob Rinder, none of which saw the light of day. In one iteration, the producers were fixated on the idea of Rinder interviewing a politician while they both got massages. Almost every sitting politician was contacted. Very few responded at all, and of those who did, only one said yes – Kwasi Kwarteng.
“In the green room before the show, when informed/reminded that it was a non-broadcast pilot, Kwarteng was really upset. He’d already told his mum that she would be able to see his interview on TV soon and lamented how disappointed she’d be when he told her.” |
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Grace Jones used to work as a go-go dancer, calling herself Grace Mendoza. She worked out how to tweak each side of her arse to make it jump – but she can’t twerk. |
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>> Big Questions << |
Who’s asking what this week? |
Which former journeyman Premier League player had a unique approach to conflict resolution with his teammates? He settled his scores with opponents during matches very publicly on the pitch, but in his Tottenham Hotspur days a spat with a colleague led to him taking an enormous shit in the other player’s kit bag. |
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Got the stomach for one more catastrophe? Last Sales Conference of The Apocalypse is a brand new LGBTQ musical comedy at the Waterloo East Theatre this October. With 15 original songs, Marcus Bentley from Big Brother playing God, and a nuclear countdown initiated by the Head of IT’s bottom – this is a disaster you can actually enjoy.
[Oct 4th-30th: info and tickets here] |
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>> Thundercall << |
More celebrity ringtones |
Further to last week’s story of Clint Eastwood having the theme to The Good, The Bad and The Ugly as his ringtone (and having a little bit of schtick to do with people who heard it ringing in public) he’s not the only celeb who does something similar.
One reader’s sister was looking round the gift shop of Hever Castle many years ago when they heard the James Bond theme ringing out from someone’s phone.
Dame Judi Dench’s. |
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RIP Coolio: once proud owner of the incredible email address coolio[at]gangster[dot]com. |
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>> Yew again << |
Still so much to learn |
As we approach the ten year anniversary of Operation Yewtree, here’s a little something we learned this week.
Rolf Harris’s method of chatting up ladies who took his fancy was to use two of his fingers to tickle the back of their hands. Then he’d use a sort of rising spiralling motion to make his way up their arm, while softly asking “How far up are you going to let me go?” |
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Rock’n’roll Riders of the Stars, pt.817: Left behind in Roger Daltrey’s private dressing room at a recent gig – a large bottle of James White Classic Prune Juice. |
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>> Weird Times << |
A four-star farewell |
There’ll be a fair few sighs of relief at The Times with the departure of editor John Witherow. Not just from the women who had to deal with his lascivious ways; he was equally weird with some of the blokes too.
One male hack was sat working one day when Witherow approached the desk and loomed over him. “You think I’m a cunt, don’t you?” he said, seemingly unprovoked. The hack looked up at his boss, bemused, and replied “Erm… no?”
“You do. You think I’m a cunt. Go on then, call me it. Call me a cunt.”
The poor guy had no idea what to say as Witherow continued to growl at him: “CALL ME A CUNT. CALL. ME. A. CUNT.” |
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Tantrums! Tears! Sob stories and secrets! We all know how TV talent shows work on screen, but what are they like behind the scenes? The Talent Factory: Inside The Music Machine is a new 8 part podcast series from BBC Radio 1, hosted by Amelia Lily, that chronicles the whole story – from talent, to fame, to survival.
[All parts, available now on BBC Sounds] |
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>> Cock and Bulls << |
The root of all trouble |
Videos of Larsa Pippen snuggling up in a club with Marcus Jordan have been causing a stir in the gossip pages. If those names don’t mean much to you: Larsa Pippen is a Real Housewife of Miami and the ex-wife of former Chicago Bull Scottie Pippen. Marcus Jordan is the son of former Chicago Bull Michael Jordan.
The reason it’s ruffling feathers is because there’s a long-simmering feud between the two old team-mates Scottie and Michael. It bubbled over publicly recently thanks to The Last Dance documentary and Scottie’s autobiography, Unguarded.
But what was the root cause of this ongoing rivalry? Chatter from the Bulls changing rooms was always that Pippen had the bigger knob of the pair. And Jordan – not content with being lauded as the greatest player in the world – couldn’t bear that his number two was better known for that. |
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Drivetime radio rumour of the week: Steve Wright will be joining Virgin Radio UK in January 2023. |
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>> Picture this << |
Scooping the Royals |
The Royals’ “Never Explain, Never Complain” era appears to be over. One of the first things the new King’s press team did was whinge at the papers for printing pictures of the Queen’s ledger stone.
Not because they felt it was an invasion of her privacy (which would have been a bold claim, given she had a week-long live stream of her coffin) but because they felt it took the wind out of the sails of the almost identical picture the Palace wanted to put out. |
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Comms can be a thankless job at the best of times, but we’re charging a glass tonight for Jason Stein. Currently one of Liz Truss’s chief strategists, Jason’s previous major client was… Prince Andrew. |
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>> King shit << |
Corrections and clarifications |
stan2a10shun writes:
“Charles III never served in the army. He was briefly in the RAF, transferred to the Royal Navy and became a pilot serving on HMS Norfolk, Minerva and Hermes with 845 Squadron. He was also Commanding Officer of minesweeper HMS Bronnington in 1976.
“Accounts of the day was that he was a bit of a charmer and swordsman (but the kudos of being heir to the throne at cocktail parties helps a bit).”
“He was a tad more committed and genial than his younger brother who, by accounts, was ‘a right fucking lazy, stuck-up bastard’ during his days (literally) in naval uniform.” |
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The Lead is a micro-mag; a lean, mean site on politics, culture and everything in between.
[Read it now] |
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Thanks to: RG, stan2a10shun, allthebestnameshavegone, AW, theabominablehoman, MJ, M, G, dom_kaos, LW, AC, JR, MP, RB |
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Old Jokes Home
How many Excel users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Monday January 01, 1900Still Bored?
All of Liz Truss’s local interviews in one place
[Silences of every length] |
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