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“There’s different faces of love: it’s not just being in love with a person. You can be in love with going and getting a pint” – Rita Ora |
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* Hand-cranking Guillermo’s lift
* Prince Harry’s call of nature
* PLUS: Moldovan Tim Westwood |
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>> ‘King hell << |
Playing name games |
In PB1095 we asked: “Which of the potential Tory leaders gave himself the supremely icky nickname at a former job ‘The King Of Anal’?”
After all the headlines he’s endured this week, he’s going to have to give up that crown. Surely you can’t be that anal if you accidentally overlook a tax bill of £3.7 million… |
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A priest in Michigan is claiming to have visited Hell. He says there’s a demonic covers band there that plays Don’t Worry Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin, Bust Your Windows by Jazmine Sullivan and Umbrella by Rihanna. |
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>> That’s magic! << |
Getting the band back together |
Years of botox injections have finally leaked through to Simon Cowell’s brain. It’s not the weirdness surrounding the replacement of David Walliams on BGT that’s led us to this conclusion (although that has left a lot of TV people scratching their heads; ITV sources were telling the media last week that Alan Carr had been given the job – only for Cowell to announce Bruno Tonioli instead).
No, the real cause for concern is the whisper that Simon Cowell has been looking to rekindle another old working relationship of his.
One of his suggested ideas for this year’s Britain’s Got Talent was to bring Mr Blobby in – as a magician. |
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Does anyone know what happened with the Alan Carr/Bruno Tonioli situation? hello@popbitch.com |
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>> Big Questions << |
Who’s asking what this week? |
Which YouTube superstar caused his corporate sponsors a hell of a problem when his girlfriend joined him on a no-expense-spared trip to the US? On arrival, he started complaining how hard it had been to get her school to let her have the time off: revealing an age-gap which was news to them – and would have been news to the police in a fair few states too… |
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We spend a third of our lives sleeping, so set yourself up for 2023 with the bedding bundle from Rise & Fall. It’s luxury-grade bedding without the hefty price tag. Available in two materials. 1000s of 5-star reviews. Free delivery & free returns.
[Upgrade your sleep] |
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>> Lift/Off << |
A floor in the plan |
Guillermo Del Toro got stuck in the lift at the Soho Curzon on Monday.
He and his co-director were in town for a Q&A screening of Pinocchio, but they got trapped between floors -1 and -2 shortly before they were due on stage. Staff were able to prise the doors open wide enough to retrieve the real stars of the film (the little animation models, who made it to the Q&A on time).
Meanwhile, Guillermo had to sit tight for 20 minutes, snacking on some popcorn and water that staff had tossed through the gap, as someone hand-cranked the lift back up half a floor. |
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Convicts are so hot right now. Not only is Ghislaine Maxwell getting interviewed on TalkTV, socialite scammer Anna Sorokin is developing a reality series in which she’ll host dinner parties under house arrest. |
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>> Doc tales << |
The call of nature |
As David Attenborough begins to wind his work down at the ripe old age of 96, his team has been spending some time sounding out possible successors to continue his TV work and keep his various nature doc franchises alive.
But who has the right combination of fame, public standing and environmental chops to assume the legendary Attenborough mantle? One person we hear was initially considered to take over was Prince Harry, but discussions fizzled out when Team Sussex began asking questions about how both halves of the happy couple could be best utilised on-screen. |
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Showbiz Court Case Of 2023? The Black Eyed Peas are currently suing a toy company which makes dancing unicorn toys that shit sparkly slime – as they perform an unauthorised parody version of My Humps in an advert. |
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>> Mistaken identity << |
A little Sting in the tale |
Now that The Banshees Of Inisherin is up for practically every award going, maybe writer-director Martin McDonagh will enjoy a little more public recognition?
He was on a flight a few years back with his much more recognisable partner, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, when a fan approached. They started telling Phoebe how much they loved Fleabag before clocking McDonagh and saying “Oh, wait. You’re famous too, aren’t you?”
McDonagh told them that he sort of was, yeah, and the stranger started gushing over him as well, saying “I can’t believe it’s you! Are you two a couple? Oh my god!”
However, it quickly became clear that the stranger had mistaken him for someone else. McDonagh politely played along rather than correcting them and ended things by saying “I’m glad you like my music so much.”
Turns out they thought he was Sting. |
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Weirdest duet of the week: Rag’n’Bone Man joined Barry from EastEnders on stage to sing Part Of Your World from The Little Mermaid at the Forum in Tunbridge Wells. |
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>> Sunburn << |
What the future holds |
And so the Fox News-NewsCorp merger has been called off. We mentioned a few months back that the whole thing had sparked an internal family war between the Murdoch sprogs (who are all positioning themselves, Succession-style, in preparation for Daddy’s eventual bucket-kicking).
The merger was a particular passion project of Lachlan’s (Kendall) while the rest of the kids and shareholders all fought against it – and won.
With the Shiv-Connor-Roman axis now in ascendency, what does that mean for the future of the real Murdoch empire? Talk in London has turned to the future of the Sun. The non-Lachlan kids are looking to sell it off (or snuff it out) as soon as Rupert carks it as – like Fox – most of them think it’s a “family embarrassment”.
FYI: Fittingly, the Succession S4 trailer was released earlier this afternoon. |
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Much like Ukraine’s drone-busting defence missiles, love is in the air. So why not show someone you love them with a Valentine’s Gift from Ukraine?
[agiftfromukraine.com] |
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>> Cirque it out << |
Echos from history |
Cirque Du Soleil recently launched a new show that’s due to tour the world this year: Echo – which bears the credit “original concept by Es Devlin”.
You may remember the name. Es was also the creative director behind the fated Vegas residency that Adele torpedoed this time last year. Much like that show, Echo got off to quite a rocky start too.
As with Adele, Es shrouded the Cirque show in secrecy, spending millions on it and not letting management see it until a few weeks before it was due to open. The preview was such a disaster, she was called into a room and fired on the spot. Es responded by dropping to her knees, calling everyone a cunt, then storming out.
Cirque have clearly warmed to the show since then. But a pandemic and bankruptcy filings have maybe left them a little less fussy than they once were… |
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Tupac’s songs racked up twice as many global streams as Biggie’s in 2022. A conclusive victory in the great East Coast/West Coast rap war. |
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>> Talking heads << |
Turning the air blue |
Not to be outdone by GB News, who have just confirmed they’re getting Jacob Rees Mogg in to front a new show on the channel, TalkTV have also been plundering the recesses of Boris Johnson’s disbanded cabinet for hosts too.
Nadine Dorries is in talks to take a regular 10pm slot on Fridays. |
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A fourth government department has been struck by a mystery shitter: signs went up in the toilets at the Foreign Office recently after two incidents of “faecal matter” being left on the floor were reported. |
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>> Moldova and over << |
It’s that time of year again |
Perennial Eurovision hopeful Sasha Bognibov has just launched his 17th attempt to represent Moldova at this year’s song contest.
Sticking close to the same formula that resulted in tracks like “I Love The Girls Of 13 Years Old”, “Love Me Like My Daughter” and “Do You Like My Sexy Lips?” – this year he’s hoping his fellow Moldovans will get behind the song “My Favourite Schoolgirl”.
He’s also looking a little more like Tim Westwood these days too, which might be something worth keeping an eye on…
[Listen, if you really want] |
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[Play Pick My Postcode here] |
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>> Hmmms << |
Radiohead, rules, raccoon fights |
The yacht that Timothy Dalton lands on in the opening scene of The Living Daylights is up for sale
[Just €2.35m]
As is Billy Corgan’s old apartment
[A snip at ~$11m]
Radiohead’s In Rainbows – recreated with Mario64 sounds
[Listen on YouTube]
Headline Of The Week: “World’s Worst McDonald’s To Close After Infamous Mass Brawl And Raccoon Fight”
[Read on Metro]
An rough shortlist of the UK’s showbiz nepo babies
[Read on VICE]
Proud Boys’ stringent wanking rules
[Read on Rolling Stone]
Inside the Spice World bus 25 years later
[Read on Vanity Fair]
The Mr Blobby costume that was listed on eBay this last week sold at lunchtime today for just over £62,000
[See the listing] |
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Thanks to: poshduckhunter, D, RM, monstris, DJ, GB, NP, GOP, TP, wienerbalcony, PK, d_h_d |
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Old Jokes Home
Q/ How did the hacker get away from the police?
A/ He ransomware
Still Bored?
Two old friends try to recreate the whole of Weezer’s debut album by singing it from memory
[Listen here] |
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