You know that horror when your holiday rental looks nothing like the photos? Popbitch can personally testify it’s not the experience it’s had with Plum Guide. Beautiful homes, meticulously vetted and an expert care team.
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“The music I make on Sundays is more family friendly. You don’t want too many ‘shake your asses’ on the Lord’s day” – Akon |
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Email stories to us hello@popbitch.com
* Vivienne’s signature scent
* “Hello Granny” revisited
* PLUS: Meth spiked sodas |
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>> Early turd << |
A turtle-headstart to 2023 |
The year got off to a roaring start at the Treasury, with chaos and widespread disgust bouncing around the building when a fully formed shit was found in one of the toilet sinks.
There’s no word on a culprit yet, but the story of the mystery plop did find its way to one of the papers. They thought it was maybe a little much to subject their readers to.
Luckily, we have no such qualms. |
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Recently spotted in Poundland: columnist of the people, Adrian Chiles, loading up on cleaning products. |
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>> Westwood eau << |
Smells like V spirit |
Long before Gwyneth Paltrow started flogging her fanny candles, Vivienne Westwood partnered with fragrance house Coty to develop a new scent.
At the sample unveiling, Vivienne was clearly unimpressed with the direction the perfumiers had taken, so explained in her own inimitable manner how she felt her trademark scent should present itself.
The brief was simple: “I want it to smell like CUNT!” |
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Once overheard in the basement of Soho Theatre, ahead of a show by drag artist Christeene, Vivienne Westwood chiding husband Andreas as he returned from the bar: “Really darling, do they not have glassware here? Or am I expected to drink wine from a plastic cup?” |
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>> Big Questions << |
Who’s asking what this week? |
Which politician turned pundit has been dropped from a semi-regular TV gig after he was caught sending cheeky* messages to the girls** in the studio there?
(* professionally inappropriate)
(** young female employees) |
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Starring Jenna Coleman and Aidan Turner, Lemons Lemons Lemons Lemons Lemons is a bold and brilliant rom-com about what we say and how we say it. Tickets from £15 – 9 weeks only from 18th January at the Harold Pinter Theatre.
[lemonstheplay.co.uk] |
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>> Cleaning up << |
How the media works, pt.924 |
The reason the UK press got to break a bunch of Prince Harry scooplets ahead of Spare’s official publication was thanks to copies of the Spanish translation hitting shelves in Spain a few days early. This leak didn’t mean it was completely smooth sailing for all the newsdesks though.
It seems there aren’t many journalists at the Daily Star with a working knowledge of Spanish. Nor across the other titles in the wider Reach PLC stable. Which is why newsdesks there roped in the office’s Spanish-speaking cleaners to help them translate their copy of the manuscript so they could keep up with the rest of Fleet Street. |
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Harry the trendsetter: New South Wales’s Premier Dom Perrottet apologised today for dressing in Nazi uniform for his 21st birthday party. |
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>> Prince v pauper << |
Further evidence |
However hysterical and overwrought the coverage has been in places, it’s been fun watching Prince Harry’s confessions renew interest in some old Popbitch stories. One that’s been picked up by a few places this week was “Hello Granny!”; the story we ran in 2019 about a young royal who had an initially funny (but gradually grating) habit of unrolling friends’ banknotes to greet the picture of the Queen before snorting their line.
We were also pleased to get conformation right from the horse’s mouth about Harry’s legendary miserliness.
One detail that’s been plucked out is how Harry once used Meghan’s credit card to buy a discount second-hand sofa. This squares with Chelsy Davy’s experience of dating the young prince, as she would complain to friends that she generally had to pick up the tab whenever they went out on dates. This despite her being a dance student at the time, and him being a literal prince – yet Harry rarely even offered to go halves on so much as a cinema ticket. |
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The series that got more sign ups to Paramount+ than any other? 1883, the first Yellowstone prequel. |
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>> Re-Opened << |
A familiar ghost |
Prince Harry’s ghostwriter, JR Moehringer, has been getting a lot of plaudits for crafting Harry’s raw material into a readable story – but this isn’t JR’s first time out with a high-profile wildchild who resents being thrust into a life he didn’t choose for himself, has a rocky relationship with his father, a history of publicly-denied drug-taking and a thinly-veiled sensitivity around balding. JR also ghostwrote Andre Agassi’s memoir, Open.
Some highlights from the Agassi memoir include:
* The time Andre’s dad tried to covertly feed him speed as a teen to try to enhance his game.
* The time he went on a furious spring cleaning bender after taking crystal meth with his assistant, Slim (whose preferred method of taking meth was by spiking bottles of soda).
* The time he disrupted the filming of an episode of Friends because he couldn’t bear to watch Matt Le Blanc act opposite his girlfriend, Brooke Shields. One scene prompted a temper tantrum so fierce that he went home and smashed up all his tennis trophies. |
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Agassi’s Open is one of the celeb autobiographies we discussed at length in our Audible mini-series Allegedly. If you want to hear more, it’s in episode 3. [Find it here] |
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>> Rewriting history << |
A small production issue |
Dominic Sandbrook – one of the hosts of The Rest Is History – gave himself a glowing write-up in the Daily Mail last week, congratulaing himself on having a hit podcast, then playing to the crowd by claiming the BBC would never have dared commission a show like it (or, at the very least, would have tried to make it “woke”).
So which provocative production company did take a punt on such a unthinkably uncommissionable show?
Goalhanger Productions. The company owned by famed anti-Beeb, anti-woke power-player… Gary Lineker. |
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Dry January doesn’t have to be a bleak, flavourless slog. Treat yourself to a case of Lucky Saint’s Alcohol-Free Superior Unfiltered Lager and enjoy full, refreshing taste with a citrus hop finish. Popbitch readers can get 20% off with the code POPDRYJAN – redeemable against one-time purchases and first subscription orders.
[Stock up with Lucky Saint] |
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>> Inviting criticism << |
The most cursed guest lists |
Ex-Fortnum and Mason boss Ewan Venters accidentally created some rather bad press for the Palace by bringing Jeremy Clarkson and Queen Consort Camilla together at a lunch event – just in time for Clarkson to deliver his ill-received Meghan rant in the pages of the Sun; a screed which dropped Camilla right in the soup.
Anyone else who is extended an invite by Ewan should think twice about accepting, because it’s not the only duffer he’s sent out recently either.
His +1 for the Groucho Christmas Party this year – much to the annoyance of other members – was George Osborne. |
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Chelsea’s match against Man City last week: did this mark the first time they had no academy graduate in the team since Frank Lampard’s debut in 2001? hello@popbitch.com |
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>> Rotten luck << |
A sleeper hit for Johnny? |
News that former Sex Pistol John Lydon and PIL have put themselves forward to represent Ireland at Eurovision 2023 was greeted with general bemusement this week. The entry, Hawaii, is actually a strangely poignant song John dedicated to his wife, Nora, who has Alzheimer’s.
It’s a sweet little ditty, but it doesn’t exactly scream Eurovision winner. Yet there’s something strange going on in the betting markets that implies bookies are potentially nervous of its chances.
On hearing it, one Popbitch reader rushed to Coral to stick £20 on it to win Eurovision at 25-1, only to have a warning message flash up to tell him that his bet was being reviewed. He then got a subsequent message letting him know they’d only let him stick a tenner on it – and at reduced odds of 20-1.
Coral’s sister brand Ladbrokes took all of three minutes to also drop the odds to 20-1 too… |
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Want a little extra Popbitch in your life? Join Club Popbitch – where members get an extra weekly mailout, daily music quizzes and full access to the Popbitch site and back catalogue, all for as little as £4/month. Interested?
[Join the club…] |
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>> Hmmms << |
Glitter, swag dog, mash-up |
Explains why Lee Ryan wasn’t doing any press for the new Blue album last autumn…
[Read on the Evening Standard]
Swag Dog
[Watch on Twitter]
Wordle for films; can you guess the movie that’s been crunched into a couple of seconds?
[Play it here]
A visualisation of every song with over a billion streams on Spotify
[An interesting graphic]
Up until last Friday, searching for “Gary Glitter” on Apple Maps brought up a list of public toilets
[It’s since been disabled]
Seinfeld Pulp Fiction deepfake
[Watch on YouTube]
Otter kitten bundle
[Watch on gfycat]
25 hits of 2022 mashed-up
[Listen on YouTube]
RIP Adam Rich – here’s the story of the time Might magazine tried to fake his death in the 90s
[Read on Neon]
RIP 2: One of Popbitch’s earliest subscribers, Caro – who did her level best to fill our subscription list with all of her friends. Sadly, Caro didn’t make it past 40 because of a horribly cruel bowel cancer. Anyone who wants to know more about a fellow reader or donate to Bowel Cancer UK in her name can do so here…
[Caro’s Star Of Hope Fund] |
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Thanks to: EC, poshduckhunter, peckham_asbestos, GH, PD, R, clark_bent, bobbi_fleckmann, IE, JS, AP, deep_stoat, CM, NT |
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Old Jokes Home
This morning I coughed up a pawn, a knight, and a bishop.
I must have a chess infection.
Still Bored?
The dark history of Ticketmaster
[Read on Prospect] |
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