The Daily Tonic: Big Tip, Big Balls

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* Snoop’s corporate spliff

* Bill Nighy: illustrated

* PLUS: A May audio round

>> Question time <<

Candle in the Wind(sor)

It was only a couple of weeks ago that we last ran our favourite Barbara Windsor story, about the tour of Guys And Dolls she did with Christopher Biggins where she would casually piss in her dressing room sink – so we’ll just link to it here and share a different Babs & Biggins story below instead.
However, if you have any other memories you’d like to share in tribute, send them to hello@popbitch.com as we’ll be sending out our annual In Memoriam issue on New Year’s Eve.

David Walliams once got his knob out at a friend’s birthday party for Barbara Windsor’s appraisal. Her verdict? Impressive, but not as big as Sid James’s…

>> Big balls Biggins <<

A very grand gesture

a_reliable_source writes:

“A friend was working in a hotel in the north at Christmas time when Christopher Biggins and Barbara Windsor were staying while doing a nearby panto. One night Babs and Biggins were getting royally pissed on champagne. After their fourth bottle was finished they requested another and my friend delivered it to their room.
“Biggins was in top form and asked her to stay for a drink. However, he and Babs were wearing towelling robes and as he made his grand gesture his robe flew open and his cock and balls were free for all in the room to see. Babs got a giggling fit and my friend made her excuses and left.
“Apparently he had very large balls. And they were both excellent tippers.”

A blue whale’s testicles weigh about 150lbs and can hold seven gallons each.

>> Rap party <<

Can’t teach an old Dogg new tricks

With another new ad campaign all over TV for Xmas, it’s easy to accuse Snoop Dogg of being a gigantic sell-out – but the Doggfather hasn’t turned full suit quite yet.
Last summer, Snoop was invited to headline a big corporate gig in Huntington Beach, California. As executives had been treated to music earlier in the day from the distinctly un-edgy Beach Boys and Dean (of Jan & Dean) concert promoters were keen to make sure that Snoop didn’t rock the boat and cause any trouble. So ahead of his slot he was warned in no uncertain terms “No swearing. No drugs.”
As darkness fell, Snoop bounded on to the stage – a nine inch spliff in one hand, shouting into his mic “…FUCK’S HAPPENIN’?”

Nominative Determinism of the Month: The police detective who discovered a prisoner and his girlfriend engaging in “lewd and lascivious behaviour” in front of a minor during a virtual conjugal visit in May… Det. Scott Assmann!

>> Help for heroes <<

Lost and found with Ford

As there’s been both big Stars Wars and Indiana Jones news these last 24 hours, this story a reader sent us back in May seemed worth a re-up…
RLJ writes: 

“While escaping work for half an hour, I walked into the Elephant and Castle just off Kensington High Street and who else but Harrison Ford is in there, full lycra running gear on, having a half pint on his own.
“I go to the bar, get my drink and nervously say hi and briefly tell him what a hero of mine he is. He was very polite and I left him to his half. He then left the bar five minutes later but left his wallet on the table. (Who knows where he would have put it in all the lycra he was wearing anyway.)
“I grab the wallet and run up the road shouting ‘Harrsion!’ He turns back and I hand him his wallet and he says ‘I guess you’re my hero now.'”

Jimmy Constable from 90s heartthrobs 911 was driving ambulances for the F.A.S.T. Ambulance service in May, taking care of non-emergency patients in the South West.

>> Drawing Nighy <<

Pictures painting 100 words

It seems that Wednesday’s stories of Bill Nighy stirred the muse in a few of you, as we’ve since been treated to some illustrated versions of your Nighy run-ins.
On Twitter, one illustrator has put the classic Tesco pasta tale to pictures and posted it for all to enjoy…

[See it here]
Elsewhere, long-time reader Jake sent us the drawing he once made to explain a story to his friend Beccy about the time he saw Bill Nighy travel through time and space in Berlin Airport…

[See on Popbitch]

The most chilling rumour of May? That prominent lockdown shirkers Dominic Cummings and Kirstie Allsopp were a one-time twosome.

>> Quarantunes <<

#184: May No.1s

Continuing our ongoing theme, all of the ten tracks in today’s audio round were UK No.1s in the month of May at some point over the last 40 years. All you have to do identify each song’s title (one point, for a maximum of ten) and each song’s recording artist/s (another point, also max ten).
Twenty points total; absolutely nothing else at stake.
[Play it here]

COMPETITION: Help Octopus Energy drive the green revolution and you can win a fully restored classic VW Beetle – with a twist. This green ‘Volts-Wagen’ Beetle has been specially fitted with an electric engine and Octopus Energy will give you 12 months’ worth of charge to run it. The boot comes loaded with a Nintendo Switch, an Apple Watch and more – and 100 runners-up will get an Alexa speaker. New customers are eligible to enter too, so get switched now.

[Enter by December 29th to win]

>> Hmmms <<

A couple of quick things

Seals singing Seal

[Listen on YouTube]
Take On Me arranged for washing machine

[See on TikTok]
Photo of the year: Graffiti v Swan

[See on Daily Record]

Thanks to: a_reliable_source, RLJ, D, AJP, JW, AR

Old May Jokes Home

I asked my barber to give me a haircut like Tom Cruise.

So he put a cushion on the seat.

Fancy Another?